Category: Taylor Swift

An Unnamed Squad Member Claims Taylor Swift Cares More About Joe Alwyn Than Them 

March 8, 2018 / Posted by:

Much like a third Sex And The City movie, Taylor Swift’s squad circa 2015 is not something I care to ever see. Luckily, thanks to the power of some good British D, I may never have to! A squad snitch says Taylor’s romance with Joe Alwyn has caused the carcass of Taylor’s squad to show up to karaoke nights to sing “Livin’ On A Prayer.” Continue reading


Keith Richards Picked Up The Shady Branch From Quincy Jones

March 1, 2018 / Posted by:

Thank the Goddess above for all these aging music people. Old people in general have zero fucks to give and aren’t afraid to let the youngins have it. Old musicians who are pickled with a combination of Ecstasy residue and 70s vodka have a special brand of zero fuckery, and lately it’s been playing out in the press. While Quincy Jones read everyone to filth (including Taylor Swift), he eventually walked it back. Luckily for us, Keith Richards is here to pick up where Quincy left off (including on Taylor Swift)! Continue reading

The Swifties Came For Dua Lipa

February 26, 2018 / Posted by:

If pop music was a high school…HAHAHA, I know, I know…if. Lemme start over: because pop music is a high school, there are clear cliques involved. Taylor Swift and Katy Perry are obviously two captains of the cheerleading squad and dance team and spend most of their days dropping anonymous hate mail in each other’s trapper keepers. Pretty much every pop starlet after them can be placed under one or the other, apart from Madonna, and that’s just because she’s too busy at the liquor store buying them booze since they both got busted for fake IDs. Dua Lipa seems like the chick who doesn’t have time for petty white girl nonsense, so she’s just getting high beyond the field house. Naturally, there’s no room for Switzerlands in this game, and she learned the hard way what it’s like to be vaulted and then slammed to the ground by Taylor’s legion. Continue reading


Jennifer Lawrence Wants To Know If Taylor Swift And Karlie Kloss Are Still Friends

February 19, 2018 / Posted by:

One of the most dramatic situations in the metaphorical high school of famous people is whether or not four-time Most Popular Victim superlative recipient Taylor Swift is still best friends with Karlie Kloss. No one really knows the status of their BFF gold-plated heart necklaces. Are they still wearing them under all their homemade t-shirts? Or are they currently at the bottom of a shoebox alongside several old Seventeen magazines and a dead iPod shuffle. Jennifer Lawrence wants to know.

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