Taylor Swift’s recent, extremely withering courtroom testimony must have made an impression on His Honor. Because U.S. District Judge William Martinez has ruled that she should be dropped as a defendant in former radio DJ David Mueller’s wrongful termination lawsuit. Judge Martinez probably didn’t want Colorado taxpayers to have to foot the bill for an asbestos bodysuit for Mr. Mueller. Because Taylor set that dude on fire when she took the stand. Continue reading
Another day, another questionable courtroom sketch of Taylor Swift. This time we’ve got Taylor Swift looking like a self-portrait of Joni Mitchell if she replaced Susan from the classic Milton Bradley game Guess Who?. But (no pun intended) let’s get to Taylor Swift’s testimony in her butt-grabbing case. Or rather, ass-grabbing case. Taylor made it very clear and in no uncertain terms that it was her “ass” that was grabbed.
As expected, Taylor Swift’s butt-groping case went to trial in Denver, Colorado this week. Taylor’s appearance in court yesterday was documented with a courtroom sketch. But by the look of that sketch, I’m not entirely sure Taylor Swift was actually there?
Believe it or not, the Swift Manor is home to not one, but TWO My Little Ponies. The first, as you may well know, spends her time at tea parties, Katy Perry fan club meetings, and occasionally in the recording studio. Her name is Taylor Swift. The other one has mainly been known for having an Instagram account with regular updates to keep the psychotic masses at bay while his sister has been dark on social media plotting her comeback. This one is named Austin Swift. Only, he’s apparently also been acting in a few things. I think I remember her referencing him as an actor a while back, but I kind of thought of that the same way I used to call myself a “struggling artist” when it meant I was struggling to string words together for a LiveJournal short story about my Beanie Baby collection.
Back in September 2015, a radio DJ from Denver, CO named David Mueller filed a lawsuit against Taylor Swift after he was fired for allegedly groping Taylor’s ass during a meet-and-greet in 2013. David swore he would never, and blamed his boss at KYGO, Eddie Haskell, of being the perv responsible for the butt touch.
Taylor’s team shot back with a counter-suit saying, yeah, you would. And then about a year later, an extremely incriminating photo made its way online showing David Mueller with his hand in the vicinity of Taylor’s butt region. Taylor reportedly wanted this mess to go to trial, and planned to donate any courtroom winnings to sexual assault charities. Taylor might want to start drawing up a short list of charities, because TMZ says it’s going to trial next week.
If Taylor Swift is out there listening, Katy Perry has a message for you, and it’s basically: “Hi Taylor! Do you wanna walk home from school with me? I’ll be waiting at my locker!”