As hard as it is to fathom, we’re approaching two years since our eyes were served a heaping pile of “DA FUQQQQQQQ?” when Tom Hiddleston popped up to Rhode Island’s top event of the year (Taylor Swift’s not-so-annual 4thof July party, duh) wearing a “I Heart T.S.” tank top. It sounds like Bucky Barnes was worried, y’all! Continue reading
Taylor Swift’s latest stalker made like Goldilocks at her NYC brownstone on Friday. TMZ reports that Roger Alvarado broke into her house, took a shower, and then napped! In this crazy criminal’s defense, she probably has an artificially intelligent shower with multiple heads that does your masturbating for you and a mind-blowingly cushy bed because the mattress is stuffed with puppy dreams and unicorn kisses. Continue reading
There are few things more powerful on this earth than three black women of a certain age, standing in a circle. This is called an Auntie Triptych and it has the power to create life, destroy life and hand you a banging plate to go. One does not fuck with an AT, and you don’t summon their powers unless you have a damn good reason. Say for instance, Taylor Swift does a cover of Earth, Wind & Fire’s September, the sacred song of the Aunties. That would be a good reason.
If anybody had any doubts about Taylor’s breathy rendition of the classic and its impact on the culture, this Auntie Triptych offer their official ruling.
These Black Women listening to Taylor Swift’s cover of “September” by Earth, Wind, and Fire is SENDING ME 😭😂😭😂😭😂😭 pic.twitter.com/TIFm2137OT
— The Vixen of Gay T W I T T E R✊🏾 (@_TheRealKareem_) April 18, 2018
As you can see, Taylor’s September caused the assembled AT to assume the forms of Pressed, Perplexed and Amused. Pressed, the Auntie in the red vest, probably has Taylor out looking for a switch right now. Perplexed, the one on the left, looks like she just smelled a fart and can’t believe a fart could really be that nasty. Did somebody actually shit themselves in here? Amused will probably wake up cackling for years to come remembering that time that little blond girl tried to come for September.
Official Auntie Triptych Ruling: Quit messin’.
For the past week Taylor Swift has been easily morphing into that super-extra, entitled sorority sister everyone tolerates but doesn’t really like. First, she fucked up a classic cookout jam. Then in a surprise twist she received praise from the creators of said cookout jam (because they know they about to get PAID!) And now, in a move that can only be summed up as “have several seats little girl,” a judge is scolding her for trying to make the plaintiffs. who lost against her in a recent copyright infringement lawsuit, pay for her legal fees.
Do you remember last week when Taylor Swift decided to slap a big ‘ol glob of mayonnaise over the smokiest, most succulent ribs at the cookout by covering the classic family reunion banger September by Earth, Wind & Fire? Her version of the song kinda reminds me of the Trump administration because it has absolutely no soul. At all. But my opinion matters not since the group’s lead singer Philip Bailey is giving her rendition a huge thumbs up!
Do you love the song September by Earth, Wind & Fire but always wished it was just a little bit shittier? Ok, a lot shittier? Well, you’re in luck. Taylor Swift shares you sentiments! She covered it for Spotify’s Singles series, and instead of evoking feelings of joy, nostalgia, love and sexy fun, it evokes feelings of asthma attacks, stale beer honky tonks and suicidal ideation!