Diseases are getting dragged this week. First, Hanson compared Chlamydia to Justin Bieber’s voice, and now Lorde is saying that being friends with Taylor Swift is like being friends with someone with an autoimmune disease. Hanson has yet to burp up a sorry for shitting on Chlamydia like that, but Lorde has apologized, and probably because she realized that someone with a disease like Lupus already has enough to deal with and they don’t need to be compared to the exhaustive snake in Skipper’s clothing.
Taylor Swift’s current boyfriend Joe Alwyn will soon be known as more than just that guy from Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk. Dating Taylor may be shit for your private life, but it sure doesn’t hurt your career. Not unless you’re trying to land the role of James Bond.
The Hollywood Reporter says that “rising star” Joe has been cast opposite Margot Robbie and Saoirse Ronan in the film Mary Queen of Scots. Saoirse will play Mary Stuart, Margot will play Queen Elizabeth, and Joe will play Dudley, Queen Elizabeth’s lover. Playing the boyfriend of a wealthy autocrat at a time when her rival is plotting against her? I wonder where he’ll gain inspiration for that character.
Joe has a big job ahead of him, and I’m not talking about learning how to breathe in a gut-suffocating doublet. I’m talking about memorizing all the pre-approved answers about his relationship with Taylor before he does the promotional tour for Mary Queen of Scots. Everyone is going to ask him about it, and it would be a shame if he got any of them wrong. I can only imagine the world of heck he’d be in if he accidentally referred to her as “swell” instead of “sweet.” There’s no improvising in being Taylor’s boyfriend.
Pop malcontents Katy Perry and Taylor Swift seem to have been feudin’ now for slightly less time than the Hundred Years’ War. It all started as some sort of fight over backup dancers. Backup dancers. Not even backup singers. Two grown women fighting over background ass shakers. *eye roll*
If Taylor Swift and Katy Perry were both running for freshmen class president (no offense to freshmen class president candidates), this would be the part where Taylor and her squad smugly hand out “Vote 4 Tay Tay” cards attached to full-size Snickers as Katy hands out “Vote 4 Katy” cards attached to mini Snickers.
Today was supposed to be Katy Perry’s big day. After weeks of releasing a million new songs (okay three) and going on about character assassin Taylor Swift to sell her new album, Katy Perry’s Witness is finally out. But being the snake emoji in the grass she is, Taylor has been lying in the darkness, waiting to strike at a trick, and she did it last night without saying a word. Just a few hours before Witness came out, the Mattel brand Medusa sat before her baby pink iMac and clicked the “RELEASE THE CATALOG” button while saying, “Swish swish this, bish.” Taylor released all of her songs to all streaming services.
People are still asking Katy Perry about her dumb pop star fight with Taylor Swift. Katy Perry is still talking about her dumb pop star fight with Taylor Swift. And bloggers like me are still writing about it, because well, everything is Comey! Comi! Comé! today, so this is what we’re working with.
While doing Carpool Karaoke with James Corden a couple of weeks ago, Katy gave her side to her World War Zzzzzzz with Taylor. Katy confirmed that she earned herself prime real estate in Taylor’s Burn Book over backup dancers. When Katy tried to talk to Taylor about it, she got no response. Katy is ready for the stupid fight to be done, but until that day comes, she’s going to milk it for attention.
That’s a picture of Taylor Swift strolling along the beach with her former British actor boyfriend Tom Hiddleston, because there really aren’t any good pics of Taylor and her new British actor boyfriend Joe Alwyn yet. Yesterday Taylor and Joe were seen boarding her private jet. The pics are blurry, and both of them were all covered up in black hoodies like two kids about to egg their math teacher’s house. According to E! News, you shouldn’t count on seeing anything better pics anytime soon, because Taylor and Joey are doing everything in their power not to be seen.