A source tells UsWeekly that the catalogue-perfect love between human-sized Royal Doulton figurine Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston might not be as perfect and wonderful as it seems. The living wedding cake toppers had a “major argument” earlier this month. Apparently Taylor had woken up at 2am one morning to a loud screeching sound coming from the kitchen and found Tom shoving his I Heart TS tank down the garbage disposal. No, that’s not the reason. The source says their fight was over Tom’s busy schedule. An insider claims that things hit a rough patch once Tom had to stop posing for paps around the world and go back to work on Thor: Ragnarok in Australia.
“There was so much going on so it was hard making their schedules work, and they were upset they couldn’t see each other.”
In case that “source” wasn’t clear enough, Taylor and Tom got into a fight because they just can’t stand the idea of being away from each other for longer than 24 hours. I guess I missed the part in James Bond’s character profile that said 007 was a Stage-5 clinger?
But you shouldn’t expect to see Taylor throwing a box of Tom’s navy zip-ups onto the lawn of her Rhode Island mansion. The source would like you to know that even though Tom is busy with filming, they’re “making it work.” Hmmmm…I wonder how they’re doing that? I’m sure it definitely doesn’t involve a two-way baby monitor hung around Tom’s neck on a I Heart TS lanyard. “Tom! Tom! Put another straw in that Diet Coke, I want to pretend we’re both drinking from it. I don’t care if Chris Hemsworth is laughing at you, JUST DO IT, TOM.”
Praise be to the publicity stunt relationship gods up above! Unless it’s an emergency, don’t count on being able to reach Tom Hiddleston anytime in the next 24 hours. He’s going to be busy saying 1000 Hail Taylors on the James Bond rosary he made from threading a dozen martini olives onto a black bow tie.
Earlier this month, author Frederick Forsyth claimed that a source had told him that there was “no way” Bond producer Barbara Broccoli was going to pick Tom Hiddleston as Daniel Craig’s replacement. But according to Express UK, Frederick’s source was wrong. They say that Barbara Broccoli hasn’t completely crossed Tom’s name off her list.
Since he’s still got a chance, Tom has reportedly been trying to show everyone that he can do it. A source tells Express UK that he’s been trying to prove that he’s as tough as Daniel Craig by performing some of his own stunts on the set of Thor: Ragnarok. The source adds that when Tom isn’t being Taylor Swift’s boyfriend in the US, he’s “subtly campaigning” for the role by running, lifting weights, and hanging around the stunt department on the Australian set.
Did that source even have to specify that he’s being subtle? Why, “Subtle” is practically his middle name. You know, I’d hate for all that subtlety to go over Barbara Broccoli’s head. If he really wants to get the message across, he should probably start showing up to set in a tuxedo with his head poking out of a giant cardboard cutout of the inside of a gun barrel.
Here’s Tom looking like Loki in Richard Lewis drag on the set of Thor 3 with a Thor-ed up Chris Hemsworth this past weekend.
“Oh dear, I certainly hope I’ve packed enough matching outfits. Hahaha, what am I saying? She’ll definitely have enough waiting for me when I arrive. What a wonderful, not-weird situation I’ve found myself in.”
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has nervously chewed my fingers while waiting for a status update on the rom-com-perfect love between talking stick of Extra sugar-free gum Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston. Thank god, People has come through for us! Bless you, People.
A source tells People that Tom and Taylor recently spent some time at the birthplace of their publicity stunt – er, I mean, relationship – Rhode Island. The source says that Generous Taylor was kind enough to fly Tom there in her private jet. Tom and Taylor spent Sunday to Tuesday together, and a source tells UsWeekly that at some point during their visit, they hung out with Taylor’s parents. Why do I get the feeling that Taylor is totally the type to “jokingly” encourage the guy she’s dating to address her parents as Mom and Dad.
Other than that, how Taylor and Tom spent their romantic reunion weekend is a mystery. But if I had to guess, I’d say one day was spent on the phone with the Rhode Island historical society. You know, just a quick conversation inquiring what it would take for those Rhode Island rocks to get approved for heritage status. “And instead of a commemorative plaque, what do you think about a bronze sculpture of the two of us kissing? Think about it.”
It feels like the news has shown me that video of a hero rescuing a woman and her pooch from a Miata being swallowed by the floodwaters in Baton Rouge at least 4,500 hundred times, but beyond that, I haven’t seen that much coverage. (“Bitch, that’s because you get all your news from PornHub.” – you “Too-shay” – me) It’s like the news has been all about the Olympics and what flaming smegma gob came out of Donald Trump’s yell hole today. They haven’t really put tons of focus on the flooding in Louisiana that has killed 11 people and left thousands homeless. Taylor Swift decided to raise awareness about the flooding and also tell us that she donated $1 million to help the victims, so she gave a statement to the Associated Press:
“We began The 1989 World Tour in Louisiana, and the wonderful fans there made us feel completely at home. The fact that so many people in Louisiana have been forced out of their own homes this week is heartbreaking. I encourage those who can to help out and send your love and prayers their way during this devastating time.”
Tay Tay also donated $500,000 for Nashville flood relief in 2010, and she gave $100,000 to help out the flood victims of Cedar Rapids, Iowa in 2008. Dosomething.org also named her the most charitable celebrity soul in DA WORLD for four years straight. Some of us cynical whores are probably thinking to ourselves, “Tax write-off and damage control payment, I see!,” but a million dollars can help a lot and her statement could push others to help. (Speaking of, Nola.com put together a list of ways to help.) Meanwhile, one of Tay Tay’s arch rivals Kim Kardashian just ordered a pair of matching his-and-hers $3 million canary diamond anus cuffs for herself and Kanye.
On Sunday, The Times released an interview that they did with Taylor Swift’s former favorite giggle pal (that honor goes to Tom Hiddleston now) Karlie Kloss. Despite the fact that everything about that picture above screams “BFF LOVE HUGS BAE XOXO FORVER!“, some people recently started wondering if everything was as good with them. According to Karlie, everything is fine. Just fine! Nothing to see here! Hey, look over there! Isn’t that Justin Bieber fighting with Selena Gomez?
“Oh my sweet little sticky toffee puddin’ – of course there are! As a wise philosopher once said: If your PR team isn’t leaking fake stories about showing up to the Emmys wearing an engagement ring, do they even exist at all?”
Tom Hiddleston, one-half of Taylor Swift’s living Tommy Hilfiger ad, recently did a Facebook Live Q&A with The Hollywood Reporter to promote The Night Manager. Of course it didn’t take long before the conversation turned to Tom’s whirlwind summertime romance with the singing snake.