Move over Affleck, there’s a new celebrity back tattoo in town. And this one’s a lot sexier. Apparently, Justin Theroux has an enormous back piece too. But his is a pigeon instead of a phoenix and instead of reeking of mid-life crisis and sorrow, Justin’s smells like wet dog and soggy rawhide. Justin was being interviewed by Jonathan Van Ness at Vulture Fest when an audience member asked him about his back piece. Justin graciously obliged to show it to the audience and explain its origins.
After taking a vow of silence from opining on the important hot topics of the day, Matt Damon is dipping his toes in the waters of controversy once again by giving his honest and unfiltered opinion on one of the most important issues facing not just Hollywood but all of mankind: Ben Affleck’s back tattoo. Matt appeared on The Daily Show and Trevor Noah asked him if he was planning on distancing himself from his longtime bro because of his embarrassing ink. Matt answered (via Page Six):
“Unfortunately, I can’t seem to shake him — I’ve known him since I was 10, so that’s 37 years,” Damon said, adding, “I mean, it’s not one man’s job to tell another man what he can do to his back. I support him in all of his artistic expression.”
Some might call it a shady answer but Matt can barely cast a shadow let alone throw shade. Ben’s never cheated on Matt (as far as we know) so he doesn’t have any reason to not play nice, unlike Jennifer Garner who played kitty coy by licking her paw and purring “bless his heart” which is the only thing Jennifer’s ever said that I thoroughly enjoyed.
Despite what he says about a man’s back being his own or whatever, as Ben’s BFF, Matt is partially responsible for that mess. Ben’s always sticking his honey bear nose in pots he has no business in but refuses to step up to his responsibilities as a Ben handler. Matt blatantly ignored Ben’s peas for help. We all heard them yet were powerless to intervene. Maybe instead of fantasizing about being Thor’s neighbor in Australia, Matt should have focused his energies on the crisis here at home.
Cutesy celebrity wagers are pretentious and annoying but when said wager requires me to scan pictures of Tom Hardy’s biceps on a Wednesday morning, I can let it slide. In 2016, Tom Hardy said that he and his The Revenant co-star Leonardo Dicaprio made a bet about whether or not he’d get an Oscar nomination for getting all ornery and ugly in the film. Leonardo bet that Tom would get an Oscar nom, and Tom thought the opposite. And instead of ruining a man’s life for a single dollar like normal millionaires, Tom and Leo’s bet involved actual flesh and blood.
Scarlett Johansson has some of my favorite celebrity tattoos. She’s got a weird sunset that looks kind of like a sticker you might pick out of a prize bucket at the dentist. She’s got a NYC charm bracelet that looks more like a dirty shark tooth. She’s got a janky horseshoe on her torso. She’s got a sleeping lamb or something? She might have just gotten a new tattoo that, if it could talk, would tell all her other tattoos to step aside because they’re no longer the most random thing on ScarJo’s body.
After Demi Lovato attended the Time 100 Gala in New York City on Tuesday night, Entertainment Tonight says she got a lion face tattooed onto her hand. Personally, if I had just spent a good part of my evening wrapped in Spanx and walking around in heels that make my feet wish they could Red Shoes themselves, the last thing I’d want to do is inflict any more pain on myself. But Demi is clearly stronger or stupider than me, and she ended her night by getting a huge hand tattoo.
Just like Justin Bieber, Chris Brown is on a quest to cover his body in as many random tattoos as possible. Well, it appears that he’s gone ahead and added another piece to his collection, and this time it’s a portrait of his 2-year-old daughter, Royalty Brown. Ah, the toddler portrait tattoo; the sophisticated second cousin to the infant footprints.
The Daily Mail says that early this morning, Chris Brown threw up the picture you see above to Instagram, followed by a picture of his shoulder with a not-finished portrait of Royalty on it. Not long after, he grabbed a bottle of Spray nine and scrubbed any trace of said pictures from his Instagram. So basically, that’s what I mean when I say he might have gotten a tattoo of his daughter. We can’t really confirm it, since the Instagram proof no longer exists. But of course, some people managed to grab a copy before he deleted them. This is what Chris Brown’s new tattoo of his daughter allegedly looks like.