For years, “The Release Of Usher’s Fuck Tape” has been under “Lindsay Lohan’s Comeback” on the list of things we keep being told are going to happen and never happen.
Three years ago, it was reported that in 2010, Usher made the genius move of leaving $1 million worth of jewelry and two laptops in the trunk one of his cars. Someone broke into the trunk of his car and stole everything including a laptop which had a sex tape he made with his then wife Tameka Foster on it. Someone tried selling the tape right after it was stolen, but nobody wanted to buy it. Last month, TMZ said that someone once again tried to get money for the tape, but instead of going to the porn companies they went to the blogs. Usher’s lawyer Mark Geragos has been trying to track down the trick who’s been peddling the sex tape.
Well, two days ago on the night before Jesus’ born day, two grainy ass screen shots that were supposedly from the sex tape (NSFW) made their way onto the Internet. The saying “You are the company you keep” is so right because on Christmas Day my Twitter timeline was full of dick-crazed whores going on and on about Usher’s peen. The screen shots are so damn grainy and the lighting is so bad that it could be Nipsey Russell nibbling on a chorizo for all we know.
Usher hasn’t said anything about the leak yet.
It’s also kind of hard to tell if it really is Usher’s dick. I mean, is it really Usher’s dick if Justin Bieber’s ass isn’t wrapped around it? That is the question.
Pic: Men’s Health
I see that unintentional smiley, squint-eyed photo bomb in the background. This is a serious moment! Now is not the time for that shit.
According to People, Usher and Tameka Raymond spent all day in court today to fight for custody of their two sons AGAIN. Tameka called for an emergency custody hearing after her 5-year-old son Usher V almost drowned to death when his hand got stuck in a pool drain. Usher has physical custody of their sons and his aunt is usually the one who takes care of the kids. Tameka, Usher and his Aunt Rena all took turns testifying. Tameka broke down while saying that she doesn’t know if her child suffered permanent brain or heart damage from the accident. Tameka said that Aunt Rena is the main one who takes care of her sons and that Usher just flutters in and out from time to time. Tameka also called Aunt Rena “incompetent” when it comes to taking care of her sons and that Usher barely tells her what’s going on with their boys.
Usher gave a totally different story. DUH. Usher’s lawyer told the court that he’s the Father of the Century basically and their sons are better off with him. Usher said that the pool accident was just that, an accident, and it could’ve happened to anyone. Usher claims that he doesn’t keep their sons away from Tameka. While Tameka said that Usher Cinco is still in the hospital because his heart rate is low, Usher spit on that claim. Usher said that their son is still in the hospital, because he doesn’t want Usher Cinco to go home until the doctors are completely sure he’s healthy and okay.
After all of that, the judge dismissed the case and kept custody with Usher. Surprisingly, Tameka didn’t respond by opening her jaw and swallowing Usher whole. Usher and Tameka hugged and he told her he was sorry. Or maybe he whispered, “You tried it,” into her ear. I don’t know.
So that’s that. Now they can take their asses back to the hospital to be with their son and they can also get somebody to make a giant bubble for Usher V to get into whenever he’s going to go anywhere near a pool.
Usher and Tameka Foster’s 5-year-old son Usher Raymond V almost drowned to death in a pool at his house in Atlanta yesterday when one of his toys got stuck in the drain and he tried to get it out. Usher the Fifth’s arm got lodged in the drain and when his great auntie couldn’t get him out, Usher’s housekeeper tried to get him out and when the housekeeper couldn’t get him out, two subcontractors doing work at the house were able to do it. The subcontractors pulled little Usher out of the pool and one of them gave him CPR. Usher wasn’t home at the time. A rep for the Atlanta Police Department told AP that Usher V was alert and breathing in the ambulance. Usher V is in the hospital and doctors say he’ll be okay. And now his mom Tameka wants custody.
Usher and Tameka went through a long, messy custody battle and he ended up with primary physical custody of their two sons. Usher accused Tameka of being a crazy and going after his then girlfriend. During their custody battle, Tameka’s 11-year-old son (and Usher’s stepson) Kile Glover was declared brain dead after he was hit by a man driving a jet ski. Kile later died.
TMZ says that a quick minute after Usher V almost drowned, Tameka’s lawyers filed papers asking for an emergency custody hearing this week. Tameka thinks that Usher having physical custody is pretty much meaningless since he leaves them in other people’s care all the time. Tameka is also always throwing a side-eye at Usher’s aunt who was looking after Usher V when the kid’s arm got stuck in the drain. Supposedly, Usher’s aunt once let a stalker into the house while the kids were there and gets a little too physical when discipling the kids. And yes, I’m guessing that “little too physical” is code for “not afraid to whoop some ass if they get out of line.”
Tameka currently has some custodial rights, but not much, and wants physical custody now.
Damn. Usher V’s exit papers from the hospital haven’t even been drawn up yet and Tameka is already going after custody. It is that serious and it’s probably going to get even messier between these two. It’s like drama after drama after tragedy after tragedy. If I was them, I’d be paranoid all the time about my kids being near or in water. They’d wear water wings all day, have an oxygen tank strapped to their backs during their waking hours and I wouldn’t even let them drink from a water faucet without a lifeguard standing by.