Today in “failed contract renegotiations,” Bradley Cooper has decided that he’s done with fetus-aged model Suki Waterhouse being his plus one at events and co-starring with him in staged photo shoots. Both E! and People say that after two years together, B.Coop has taken a Norelco shaver to Sookeh. Oh well, at least we’ll always have those totally natural and not-at-all choreographed pictures of B. Coop teaching Suki how to read Lolita while lying under a tree together. People says that B. Coop and Suki broke up in January:
The couple ended their relationship before the Oscars in January but remained friends and attended the award show together, the source says. They were even spotted dining at Nobu Malibu with another pal the next night, though an onlooker says they didn’t seem affectionate during the meal.
In their defense, they probably weren’t affectionate, because cameras weren’t around and who wants to “canoodle” during a meal? I always throw a side-eye of judgement at couples who hold hands while eating and kiss between bites. Freaks! When I’m at dinner, I need both hands to cut the steak and I need my mouth to eat the cut-up steak. Nobody’s got time for “canoodling” when food is involved. But if I want to get affectionate during dinner, I will give my date a quick foot job under the table. That’s what normals do!
A quick minute ago, UsWeekly said that Suki was “itching” to get engaged (Um, is she sure she didn’t have crabs?) and was “warming up” to the idea of marriage. That’s where Suki went wrong. She probably dropped too many hints and it scared. B. Coop away. She should’ve waited patiently until B. Coop told his manager to tell her manager that he’s ready to upgrade their contract. B. Coop is probably traditional like that.
But whatever, Suki doesn’t need B. Coop! Here she is at the NYC premiere of Insurgent giving you:“I’m single and ready to mingle…with Tom Cruise’s people, because I’m looking for a new contract.”
Here’s 38-year-old Bradley Cooper lying his head on the lap of his 21-looking-like-a-13-year-old girlfriend Suki Waterhouse while reading “Lolita” in a park in Paris. TOO EASY. B. Coop once said that he’d never mess around with Jennifer Lawrence, because his 15-year-old self could’ve made her and now here he is reading “Lolita” with a girl who looks like she’d get carded while trying to get into a PG-13 movie. The trolling is thick here. Well, I guess you really have to bring out heavy doses of foolery to sell a staged photo-op nowadays.
If you ever see Victor Garber shaking his head while his hand over his face, just assume that he’s thinking of these pictures.
Pics: Pacific Coast News