The next time someone complains that Hollywood only makes reboots, sequels, and superhero movies, you can add that they’re also pretty big on current citizen of Hell Charles Manson at the moment as well. Quentin Tarantino has what will probably be the most high-profile one (still currently untitled, but reportedly starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Margot Robbie). Trailing close behind it will be a story about three members of Charles Manson’s family starring Matt Smith and a ghost story movie about Sharon Tate starring Hilary Duff (what even).
You hear that? That’s the sound of snarky hope vanishing into thin air. It appears we won’t be treated to the eye-rolling delights of a hand-jobby magazine interview in which Suki Waterhouse gushes about how “inspired” Darren Aronofsky is, or hearing Darren call Suki the Scottie Pippen of acting (JLaw is the Michael Jordan, remember). At least not anytime soon, because for the time being, Suki and Darren deny they’re dating.
Earlier this week, 26-year-old Suki and 48-year-old Darren were seen walking together at the Sundance Film Festival. All signs pointed to suspicious possible-hookup activity. A source also squealed to UsWeekly that Suki had shown up to Darren’s place two nights in a row while at Sundance, and that Darren was talking about her to friends on the plane ride home.
A source tells UsWeekly exclusively, “Darren is very into her and was telling friends how sweet and hot she was on his plane ride back.”
Darren was at Sundance to promote the VR project Spheres: Songs of Spacetime, and Suki was there to promote the movie she attempts to act in, Assassination Nation.
Suki and Darren’s reps both denied to Gossip Cop that they’re dating. Suki’s rep says, “They are not a couple and they are not dating.” Darren’s rep called all the stories about him and Suki “crazy,” and adds that, “There’s no romantic involvement whatsoever.”
I guess UsWeekly’s source must have misheard Darren when he was talking to his friends on that airplane. Maybe he was talking about some hot, sweet sushi he ate while in Sundance. Yeah, that must be it. Everyone eats their sushi hot from the oven and dipped in syrup, right?
The last time we checked in on Darren Aronofsky and Jennifer Lawrence, they were reportedly giving their relationship another shot. That was a few days before Christmas. Something may have happened since then, because a month later, it appears 48-year-old Darren is now hand-holding in front of the paps with 26-year-old Suki Waterhouse. The Daily Mail posted pictures of Darren and Suki strolling around Park City, UT during the Sundance Film Festival. New year, same dating age bracket for Darren.
PICTURE EXCLUSIVE: Darren Aronofsky, 48, steps out with Suki Waterhouse, 26, in Sundance https://t.co/1C3FTEJrZH
— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) January 23, 2018
Suki was most recently linked to Diego Luna. Before that, she was with Bradley Cooper. Darren likes to date actresses he works with, and Suki has been trying for a while to be an actress. So maybe Darren has a secret new project in the works that Suki has signed on for? I look forward to whatever that project may be, since it can’t be worse than mother!, right? No really, please, I don’t think we could handle something worse.
The Daily Mail says that Darren and Suki were practically “attached at the hip” while walking in Park City. Normally I’d be the first to scream “THEY’RE DOING IT,” but the fact their walk too place in January in Utah has me a little skeptical. If you’ve ever walked around in the snow, you know that at any minute a patch of ice can appear and you’re on your ass. If I’m walking next to you in the snow, I’m staying close enough to make it seem like we share an umbilical cord.
I know I should be up on all of the places that Diego Luna’s dick has visited, but I’m not, so I had no idea that it’s been visiting Suki’s waterhouse for over a year. The more you know…
37-year-old Diego Luna, who is best known for the cinematic classic Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (oh, and also Y Tu Mamá También and that Star Wars shit), and 25-year-old Suki Waterhouse, who is best known for being Bradley Cooper’s contract piece for a minute, worked together in a movie called The Bad Batch. And two summers ago they were photographed touching lips and groping on each other’s bodies on the street. They’re still at it, apparently, because TMZ posted pictures of Diego putting his hand on Suki’s UNA (upper nalgitas area) in Tulum, Mexico over the weekend. It’s sad that the all-star coupling of GreasyHouse (Suki and Greasy Bear) never happened.
Suki Waterhouse Gets Handsy With 'Rogue One' Star Diego Luna in Mexico (PHOTOS) https://t.co/af1mDZwJga
— TMZ (@TMZ) January 16, 2017
Diego got divorced from the mother of his two kids, Camila Sodi, in 2013.
Who knows if Diego and Suki are bumping wet parts on a full-time or part-time basis, but I do know that the peen must be so good that it’s made her crazy, which explains why she decided to wear brothel bloomers with a see-through sweater thing. Either that or Suki’s still suffering from stage 10 hipster. Yeah, it’s probably the latter.
Taylor Swift doesn’t currently have a boyfriend in her life, which means she’s got a whole lot more time for her girl squad until the next one comes around. Last night, the most popular slice of Wonder Bread in the bag went to a private Kings of Leon concert in NYC with longtime squad members Lorde, Martha Hunt, Lily Donaldson, and Cara Delevingne. And she also brought out her new recruits.
Yes, I said MAROON, because I am a classy whore who likes to use the classiest name available for colors.
Jason Momoa was at the Toronto International Film Festival yesterday to sell his movie The Bad Batch with co-star Soooookeh Waterhouse. Jason Momoa also unintentionally sold me on his style being “steampunk Tarzan going to a senior prom while wearing an ensemble bought at Chess King.” This is very Johnny Depp Lite. Jason’s style borders on Fighting The Hot, but it still brings the nipple tingles, because it lacks sleeves and fucks to give. I am always grateful that Jason suffers from a deeply allergic reaction to covering up those arms.
Jason is also dressed like an overheated Paula Poundstone at a holiday party in 1993, and suddenly I find myself feeling things about Paula Poundstone.