Category: Stop Fighting It

Courteney Cox Sort Of Hints That David Schwimmer Might Be The Reason Why There Hasn’t Been A Friends Reunion

April 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Fucking Ross! Of course it would be his fault. It’s always Ross’ fault. During a recent interview with Yahoo, Courteney Cox was asked whether or not there might ever be a Friends reunion. Obviously the answer to that is no, because a reunion is only a reunion if you’re able to get all the former cast members together, and that would be impossible, since Monica’s old face has been MIA for several years now. But according to Courteney, it’s a no because there’s always someone who fucks it up, and no, it’s not that adorable bumbling oaf Joey. When asked about the possibility of a reunion, Courteney said:

“Dear lord, let it go, people. We’re not doing it. It’s just not going to happen….We’ve gotten about 80% there, but there’s always one person who flakes at the end.”

She was then asked if the name of the flake was David Schwimmer, and she answered:

“You know, I’m not going to name names, but it may not be Schwimmer.”

She then looked at the camera like “It’s totally fucking Ross.” It’s always Ross!

You know what? A Friends reunion can still happen without David Schwimmer; just grab a mopey-looking potato, put it in a blue sweater, and sit it beside a monkey – there, instant Ross. The only people who really matter are Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Joey’s hot slutty sister Gina, Phoebe, Ursula, the chick and the duck, Gunther, that dude who kept letting his balls hang out, and sexy DILF Jack Gellar (just me and Phoebe? Ok).

Speaking of a potato in a sweater, here’s David Schwimmer at an event with his wife and daughter last weekend. For someone who doesn’t want to do a Friends reunion, dude sure is dressed like he’s ready to drop everything and film one. Blue sweater? Check. Boot-cut jeans? Check. Ross hair? Check. Dopey “Hey Rach” face? Check.

Pics: Splash

Jennifer Aniston Got Extensions Because Short Hair Made Her Feel Like An Old Hag

February 4, 2014 / Posted by:

Maybe it’s the angle of the picture or the fact that she’s giving the same face my mom used to give when she caught my sister and I doing hoodrat stuff, but that haircut does sort of make Jennifer Aniston looks an overworked mother of 3 kids. I feel like at any moment, she’s going to start yelling at me to get out of the neighbor’s pool while picking up the phone and pretending to call Santa. “Nope, she’s being a real lil’ asshole right now. You should probably tell the elves to stop making toys and just wrap up a hot reindeer dump, because that’s all she deserves.”

Despite the fact that Jennifer Aniston looks fucking better at 44 than most 34-year-olds (and the odd 27-year-old), Radar says that she instantly regretted her recent decision to cut off all her hair because it was making her look too old. Apparently, she’d fried the shit out of her hair after too many Brazilian Blowouts and the hair cut was necessary, but she couldn’t get used to catching her reflection in the mirror and mistaking it for a resident of Shady Pines. Instead of waiting for it to grow out like any of us who’ve been forced to cut off the lower half their hair because it felt like Bob Ross’s pubes, she got impatient and spent 5 hours getting hair extensions put in. Hair extensions aren’t exactly great for your hair, so she’s pretty much back at square one.

What is it with this woman’s relationship with her hair?!? First her hair makes her famous, and everyone loves her hair, but she doesn’t, so she grows it all out just to spite the hair. Then her long hair starts to define her, so she cuts it all off. Then she thinks the hair doesn’t make her look pretty enough, so she grows it all out again. It’s like her and her fucking hair are in a mother/daughter Lifetime movie (Not Without My Flatiron, starring Jennifer Lawrence as Jennifer Aniston, and Ariana Grande as Jennifer’s Hair).

(Pic: Wenn)

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