During Oscar bait season next year, you’ll be able to escape the nightmare reality of this world with a feel-good Dick Cheney biopic! Oscar-nominated writer/director Adam McKay (who directed Step Brothers, Anchorman, Talladega Nights and The Big Short) has been working on a Dick Cheney movie, and Deadline says that he is talking to Christian Bale about taking on Dick. Adam is probably talking to Daniel Day-Lewis about playing the friend that Dick Cheney accidentally shot during a quail hunt. Because DDL is the only true thespian who’d say, “I’m offended that you think I wouldn’t, sir!”, after fellow method actor Christian Bale asks to shoot him for real during their scene.
If Emma Stone auditioned for the part of tennis legend Billie Jean King in the upcoming biopic Battle of the Sexes, I’m guessing that audition consisted solely of how good she looked in a pair of vintage Pierre Cardin frames and a rinse of Miss Clairol in #62 Coffee Brown. Because apparently she’s not very good at tennis. You know, the thing her character is supposed to be really good at.
Page Six says that even though Emma took tennis lessons (including some one-on-ones with Billie Jean King herself) before filming, she was still so bad at tennis (“How bad is she?!“) that a body double who is really good at tennis was hired to fill in for her during the tennis-playing scenes. An insider tells Page Six:
“Billie Jean herself tried to teach Emma to play tennis, but she was useless, so they got a body double.”
Steve Carell, on the other hand, is apparently really good. Steve plays Bobby Riggs, the 55-year-old retired tennis player who challenged Billie Jean King to said battle, and the source says he did all his own “action” scenes. However, a second source is side-eyeing the first source’s claim that Steve is Pete Sampras in disguise. They say both Emma and Steve for-real play tennis in the movie and both had body doubles. They add that there are always doubles during a shoot that involves a sport, skill, or stunt. Forget Battle of the Sexes; Battle of the Sources is the movie I want to see. Get ’em, source two! Kick source one’s ass!
I’m actually shocked Emma picked up a tennis racket at all for shooting. Movies these days are 98% digital fakery anyway, so it’s kind of refreshing to hear that they didn’t just put her and Steve Carell in full-body motion capture suits, and CGI them into a fake tennis game with a cartoon tennis ball in post-production.
When I saw Alicia Vikander (now Academy Award Winner Alicia Vikander) stroll down the red carpet last night, it gave me a massive nostalgia high. A lot of people probably did, thanks to Alicia’s Beauty and the Beast realness. But gazing upon that pale yellow poofy Louis Vuitton dress instantly whooshed me back to memories of playing a game called Beautiful Lady in my childhood bedroom. The rules of Beautiful Lady were simple: look like a beautiful lady. Usually I would play it safe and throw on a Dress n’ Dazzle 3-in-1 Glamour Gown and my exquisite Burger King ThunderCats ring. But if I wanted to look extra beautiful, I’d pull the fitted sheet off my bed and make a stunning ballgown.
I liked to use the fitted sheet because it was far more glamorous and show-stopping than the flat sheet. It puffed out at the bottom, and as everyone knew in the 80s, puffy = instant sophistication. It was dead easy – I’d just wrap it around my waist and fasten it with a banana clip. Then I’d throw on my “wig” (a pair of black nylons) and wait for the flattery to roll in. Alicia clearly knows that Beautiful Lady is always the look, because she made sure to pair her bedsheet dress with flat-on-top/long-in-the-back hair too. Although I don’t think her jewelry came from Burger King. If I had to guess, it’s probably some cheap crap from Harry Winston or something.
Alicia wasn’t the only one who was giving me flashbacks to my homemade fashion years. Kate Winslet also took me for a walk down memory lane.
“And I thank you for attempting to look like you showered tonight, Johnny. You don’t, of course – but you tried, and that’s all that matters. Now stop trying to pull me in closer, you’re going to leave grease stains all over the couture!”
Last night, Johnny Depp accepted the Desert Palm Achievement Award at the Palm Springs International Film Festival, and one of the people he thanked was the skilled taxidermist who keeps him looking somewhat human after all these years. No! He didn’t thank his taxidermist (rude). But UsWeekly says he did thank his midlife crisis wife, Amber Heard, for being such a sport and putting up with his ass.
No, these aren’t pictures from the Fighting the Hot Grand Championships of 2015. These pictures are from last night’s NYC premiere of The Big Short where Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling showed off the matching hairstyles they obviously got from Johnny Depp’s stylist.
I’m not even sure if this is the real Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling. Brad Pitt looks like what you would get if you put pictures of Aaron Sorkin, Suze Orman, Sliding Doors Goopy Paltrow and current day Johnny Depp in baby morphing software. That hair is either a 90s Nick Carter wig or that grey hair he had on his head the other day was a $2 Anderson Cooper wig from the Dollar General. And Ryan Gosling!
Ryan Gosling needs to pull out his phone and immediately delete the number of the trick who painted up his face like that. That’s a look that a goth high school kid would put together using baby powder and an old eyeliner pencil he stole from the back of his mother’s bathroom cabinet. Dude’s makeup is very newbie emo kid and it’s a tragedy. Ryan should cancel everything and immediately have an emergency FaceTime session with Jeremy Renner, because Hawkeye will teach him how to properly tame and work an eyeliner pencil.
After that last depressing post, I figured a palate cleanser was needed and there’s no better palate cleanser than one that leaves chest and wigs hairs on your tongue.
Second City dug into their archives and pulled out this vintage clip from 1994 of a topless Steve Carrell getting blown Beyonce-style while wearing a Fabio wig. At around the 0:43 mark in the video below, Steve Carrell and his luxurious bear rug torso make an appearance and he serves up panty creaming seduction as Fabio while Stephen Colbert does his voice. Who knew that back then Steve Carrell was built like a beefy 70s gay porn star?
And yes, yes, I’d hit it, but only if he wore that 2 cent polyester Fabio wig and Stephen Colbert voiced his fuck moans.