TMZ is reporting that Mel B, the scariest of spices, is dating a police officer in the Beverly Hills Police Department. Of course TMZ being TMZ, they have to be all extra in their reporting so they’re leaning in on the “life imitates art” angle, because she used to be with Eddie Murphy.
There are so many stories about Mel B’s soon-to-be ex-husband Stephen Belafonte allegedly being a top-shelf creep of the highest order, that you could make a wild guess about his life and not even come close to being correct. Go ahead, make one now! Think of the craziest shit Stephen Belafonte could be accused of. Okay, did you guess “forcing employees to watch ISIS beheading videos“? Well, that’s something that allegedly happened.
Mel B must be longing for the simple days when a cat fight meant hiding Ginger Spice’s Tesco hair dye, because that bitch stole the last of the Tampax right before it was time to sing on Top of the Pops.
TMZ reports that a judge has granted Scary Spice’s scary-as-fuck estranged ex-husband Stephen Belafonte’s nutso request for emergency spousal support. Stephen says he needs it for food, housing, and his phone. What data plan are you on, Stevie?! Throughout this whole ordeal, I’ve wondered why he couldn’t just pay his way with the royalties his family was making from that “Banana Boat (Day-O)” song, but I’ve learned he is not related to the Calypso King (“Thank GOD!” –Harry Belafonte).
I’d hate to be an America’s Got Talent contestant going before Mel anytime soon, as the judge ordered her to pay (on top of the $40,000) Stephen’s legal fees, which add up to $140,000. Someone suddenly has to prove her worth a little more than usual to Simon Cowell, since Stephen’s Cricket bill depends on it! Some poor memaw whose talent is that she can juggle her walker and two bedpans is going to get barked at to go home, because the lady from Leeds, England needs to last another four seasons to keep up with her alimony payments!
Not long after Mel B filed divorces papers to end her allegedly nightmarish marriage to Stephen Belafonte, he shot back by demanding spousal support and money for lawyer fees. Stephen recently put in a request for spousal support and submitted a list of what he needs Mel’s money for. If Mel B could respond to Stephen’s requests with a track from Forever, it might be Wasting My Time. Because TMZ says she isn’t here for any of his spousal support requests.
On Friday, Lorraine Gilles, the nanny at the center of Mel B’s split from Stephen Belafonte sued Mel B for defamation. Lorraine accused Mel B of spreading lies about her, like the one about how she and Stephen were fucking, and that they were allegedly trying to blackmail Mel with sex tapes. Lorraine claimed that she did clock some overtime by engaging in threesomes with Mel B and Stephen. She also alleged that sex tapes were made, but that they were orchestrated by Mel B herself. Sources tell TMZ that Mel B isn’t fighting back against Lorraine’s claim that they all slept with each other.
You know when a situation becomes such a messy shit-show that you just want to grab the broom and the dust pail and just sweep it all away and start anew? That’s the feeling that Mel B’s divorce cluster-fuck is inspiring in all of us.
Mel is a judge on America’s Got Talent, but her own personal life show should be called Mel B’s Got Problems. And those problems are an allegedly evil abusive ex and an allegedly evil mastermind of an ex-nanny. The most recent dirty development has been Lorraine Gilles (aka Evil Mary Poppins) filing a defamation lawsuit against Mel. One the things that TMZ reports is that she’s claiming that Scary Spice used to get her drunk and seduce her into group sex with her and dirtbag ex-husband caricature, Stephen Belafonte.