The return of The Hills is on its way and Stephanie Spratt is working hard to make it seem like the revival is more interesting than watching beige paint dry by telling us about her totally not scripted storyline involving her brother Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. Stephanie went on her podcast The Pratt Cast and stated that “no one knows the real Heidi” and that “before the new Hills, the Beginnings, my mom , my brother and I all sat down and said, “we will not let this ruin our family again.” Well, Spencer’s got crystals to buy and Stephanie’s fillers bill ain’t going to pay itself, so commence the broken family storyline!
Last night at the MTV VMAs, the drips and bowls of bland oatmeal from The Hills came back together to announce that MTV is bringing back the series that launched the careers of all the people not in attendance for the reunion.
Is it 2009, you may be asking yourself after reading that post title? No, but who doesn’t love a semi-celebrity social media war? Especially if it’s a broken down former reality television star sparring with his sister. Wait, Spencer Pratt has a sister? I knew I should have paid more attention to The Hills. Stephanie Pratt, 31, had a social media conniption on Friday and it would appear to be directed at her TV whore brother Spencer, 33. Spencer and his polyurethane-titted wife, Heidi Montag, are known for their extreme fame-whoring. Stephanie seems wrought over something smug asshole Spencer did and needed everyone to know.
The Walls Of The Celebrity Big Brother House Won’t Be Able To Contain All This Glamour, Star Power And Sophistication For Long
The spit, cum, pigeon shit and half-broken Ikea dowels that hold together the walls of the Celebrity Big Brother UK house are trying to keep it together, but it’s only a matter of time before they completely lose it while trying to contain all the throbbing mega servings of talent, prestige and perfection in there. The Detective La Toya in me thinks this season’s casting decisions are all part of an insurance scheme. Channel 5 knows that if they shove that much status and class into one house, the walls won’t be able to take it for long and they’ll blow right off. Then Channel 5 can collect the studio owners insurance money. I’m on to you, Channel 5.
The 14th season of CBB UK started up again last night and while assembling the cast, Channel 5 and the producers really reached high up into the galaxy to grab the brightest and biggest stars. The all-star A-list cast is led by Gary Busey and it includes the French dew drop from Rock of Love 2 Frenchy, Stephanie Pratt, Kelly Brook’s piece David McIntosh, Edele Lynch from B*witched, Leslie Jordan (Leslie Jordan, has it come to this?!) and a bunch of hos I don’t know.
Do Brits even know who Frenchy is? Whores like me know who Frenchy is, because she’s done pizza porn, Rock of Love 2 and a few other Vh1 shows, but I didn’t think she was known at all in the UK. What am I saying? Of course you Brits know who this jewel of France is. Duchess Kate has said many times that Frenchy, the reincarnation of Marie Antoinette, is her style and beauty icon.
If I had to put my weekly weed money on a winner, I’d put it all on Frenchy. The game will end in less than 10 hours and Frenchy will be the last one standing. Because as soon as she gets completely naked (which she will if she hasn’t already) and reveals her natural goddess body to the house, the houseguests will immediately pass out and will have to be rushed to the hospital to be treated for exposure to potent amounts of sheer beauty. Frenchy for the win!
Ah, the good old days of Dlisted yore when the sight of the Pratts and their blow-up doll ilk made me morph into a camel and spit at my screen. I must not have completely pulled myself out of a self-induced DayQuil/Benedryl/moscato coma quite yet this morning because I found myself clicking through pictures of Stephanie Pratt dressed as a genie, thinking that she looks kind of pretty when she’s not doing her impression of John Mayer singing and that it wouldn’t hurt to try a couple of sit ups later today.
Since I’m taking this intern job VERY seriously, I thought I’d dig a little for all of you and see what Steph’s been up to since 2007 when she was on The Hills and those assholes wouldn’t allow themselves to leave our conscious thought. I’m pleased to report that Stephanie’s website hasn’t posted new content since 2010, leading one to believe that unlike her dipstick brother Spencer and his idiotin’ wife, she may have clued into the public’s collective eye roll at all things Pratt and had the decency to quit herself on our behalf.
And here’s more of She-Pratt and others (including Tim Allen, Adam Brody, Cindy Crawford, Chelsea Handler, etc…) at Mike Meldman’s Halloween party in Beverly Hills last night.