Lauren Sanchez Talks About Being “Devastated” Over Losing A Gig On “The View,” Jeff Bezos’ Pancakes, And Having To Be More Private Now

What’s it like to be the World’s Most Glamorous Woman on the arm of the World’s Baldest Billionaire? Well, nobody is really sure because MacKenzie Scott refuses to do interviews about her ex-husband Jeff Bezos. But Jeff’s new lady friend Lauren Sanchez did! And while she may not be quite as glamorous as Mac, Jeff’s “goofy” ass (Lauren’s word, not mine, but also mine) is lucky to have her. Billions of dollars won’t buy you love, but it can buy you a former working girl (in this case, a former Extra correspondent) with a head for business and a bod for sin. According to Lauren’s alma mater, Extra, in her “first solo interview!,” she told The Wall Street Journal (so much for that inside scoop, Extra. How are you gonna keep ‘em on the farm when they’ve seen the inside of Jeff’s Bezos’ space dick?) that losing out on her “dream job” as one of the hosts of The View in 1999, was “one of the most devastating days of [her] life.” But if you think Lauren is still wallowing in pity and regret 23 years later, then you don’t know Lauren at all.

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Open Post: Hosted By La Lucci Taking A Tumble

Hasn’t La Lucci been through enough?!!?!

The universe can go tongue fuck a sloppy ass, because it has not been good to flawless human diamond Susan Lucci lately. First, we were at risk of the sun never coming out again, because the sun only comes out to gaze upon La Lucci and she almost died last year! Second, she graciously volunteered her precious time by walking in a fashion show for the American Heart Association’s Go Red for Women charity, which she’s a spokesperson for, and La Lucci nearly broke her La Cucci when she went BOOM on the catwalk. The universe must be a Days of Our Lives fan.

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Star Jones Got Married On A Cruise Ship

Star Jones Esq. got married for the second time yesterday to her her boyfriend of a few years Richard Lugo. Congratulations, Star! I’d throw a handful of confetti in your honor, but I’m terrified it won’t nearly be fancy enough for you. According to People, Star Jones got married in a ceremony held aboard a cruise ship.

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Star Jones Is Going To Get Married Again

UsWeekly says that Star Jones announced she’s engaged to her boyfriend of a few years Ricardo Lugo last night at the Angel Ball in New York City. As if she even needed to say anything; Star was working the giant diamond sparkler on her left hand like it was part of a contractually obligated partnership with Kay Jewelers. But she did say a little about her engagement, the theme of which was, “Mind your business! But also please give me some attention?”

“We’re engaged. Not talking about it. He’s wonderful. I’m happy and that’s all anybody outside of my family needs to know.”

Aw, but I really want to know the moment when Star realized Ricardo was the one. I bet it was when Star asked Ricardo if he wanted to be her husband and he didn’t answer “Yeah, uh sure, why not.” Speaking of, Star’s first marriage was to Al Reynolds in 2004, which ended in a messy divorce four years later. That wedding was like a wedding on steroids. 450 guests, a song sung by Patti LaBelle, plugging paid vendor sponsorships during The View.

I certainly hope Star will apply what she learned from her first wedding to her second, and I’m not talking about toning down the tackiness. Get as tacky as you want, Star! I loved how not-casual Star was about getting paid for her wedding. In fact, she should once again pimp out all the details of her wedding on The View. It shouldn’t be hard to get back on The View. The door revolves pretty fast around there.

Here’s more of Star, giving you weeknight Latrice Royale, and her fiancé Ricardo at the Angel Ball last night.

Pics: Wenn.com

And Now For An ‘Excuse My Beauty’ Moment From Miss Diana Ross

When I was younger, I wanted so badly to go to the mall and get some glamour shots taken. Sadly, we didn’t have a Glamour Shots®-brand photo studio in the mall closest to where I lived, and I wasn’t willing to settle for the sub-par Classy Clicks at the Sears portrait studio (it wasn’t actually called Classy Clicks, but I can assume it was some kind of lame-sounding Glamour Shots rip-off). So I never got to experience the sheer joy and soft-focus sophistication that comes from putting on a feather boa and gently caressing the right side of your face with your left hand in front of a Glamour Shots camera. I know, you’ll cry for me later, I’m sure.

Of course, that’s the sort of thing you never really get over, and seeing Diana Ross at the American Music Awards last night looking like a glamorous feather boa-wrapped beauty didn’t help. Look at her! She’s EXACTLY what I imagined my Glamour Shots shot would look like: those carefree curls, her chin resting delicately on her exposed shoulder, the coy look in her eyes that says “I’m classy, but also a lil’ sassy.” All that’s missing is a dusty mauve backdrop and a 60W incandescent light bulb illuminating her from behind.

In case you’re wondering why she was at the AMAs and not at home getting a 24k gold facial like she SHOULD be, it’s because she was hired to present Taylor Swift with the Dick Clark Award for Excellence. And no, she didn’t bounce one of Tay Tay’s tittes – we’re not that lucky.

Here’s more of Miss Diana Ross sashaying down the red carpet of the American Music Awards in a coat made from Archimedes’ relatives, as well as everyone else at the AMAs, including gorgeous humanoid Dencia, a silk-wrapped JLo, and Jessie J, who looks like a very fancy makeup consultant:

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

And The Second Best Dressed Of The Kentucky Derby Goes To….

The Kentucky Derby was today and I don’t know who’s supposed to win (or if somebody already won, I don’t know who won) and I don’t think the celebrities who went even know. They just go because they want to wear a dead bird on their head and get drunk on whatever liquor brand is sponsoring the event. Larry Birkhead and his Sun-In highlights show up year after year after year and this year he figured that if he’s going to drag Dannielynn onto the red carpet he might as well let her wear a costume.

Larry and his daughter with Anna Nicole Smith served up some Penguin Dance realness at the Kentucky Derby today. It’s kind of cute and it’s kind of weird, but they looked better than 99.9% of the hos there. They should make this their thing. They should always wear matching or coordinating outfits. They can be the father/daughter version of Lucille and Buster Bluth.

That being said, Larry and Dannielynn weren’t the best dressed of the Kentucky Derby. The best dressed title goes to the reigning Queens of the Kentucky Derby, the Barnstable Twins! Get into their wonk-eyed satin glamour:

The Barnstable Twins were the Doublemint Twins once and now they’re actress/international beauties/socialite types who throw a charity gala during the Kentucky Derby every year. They’re the only reason the Kentucky Derby exists. Who cares about those racing horses. Everybody shows up just to see these two gorgeous melting Barbies in person.

And here’s pictures from various KD events of some hos who showed up just to see the beauty of the Barnstable Twins up close: Larry with Dannielynn Hope, Jennifer Tilly with Krysten Ritter, Star Jones, Miranda Lambert and Coco Rocha.