After just two years of wet burping up saliva bubbles of concentrated foolery as a talking head on Fox News, Stacey Dash has been dropped. Some may say that Stacey was fired, but I say that Stacey was given alternative employment. You know that a layer of nervous sweat covered Omarosa’s forehead today as she walked to her new office while half-expecting to find a pink-slip before finding out that she’s been replaced by Dionne from Clueless.
The Hollywood Reporter says that the professional re-tweeter hasn’t been on Fox News since September 2016, and that’s because they chose not to renew her contract. A rep for Fox News says that they decided not to renew her contract because they realized that even she’s too crazy for them and they also discovered that they’ll save a lot of money and get the same kind of commentary if they just replace her with a whoopee cushion full of cold farts. (That is an alternative fact that will probably become a fact fact when Fox News announces that their new contributor is a whoopee cushion full of cold farts.)
Dionne from Clueless is the political mind of our time, so this is a sad day for politics, journalism and the world! But whatever, Stacey doesn’t need Fox News anyway. Why would Stacey want to embarrass herself on basic cable when she can embarrass herself on prime time network television, like she did last year:
Roger Ailes is being sued by another former Fox News employee for allegedly acting like a gross piece of trash. I’ll wait while you catch your breath from the lung-clearing “NO!” you probably just shouted after reading that.
Roger Ailes no longer works at Fox News (congratulations Roger, you can now pursue your true calling as a claymation character called Creep E. McGreed from a Rankin/Bass special about Labor Day). But that doesn’t mean he can’t still get sued for the shit he allegedly pulled while he still worked there. According to Deadline, former co-host of The Five and Outnumbered Andrea Tantaros filed a lawsuit in New York yesterday against Roger Ailes and Fox News for nearly $50 million dollars. Andrea claims Fox News was a crappy place for women to work and that there was a whole lot of sexual harassment happening. She’s pointing fingers too: Andrea alleges that Roger Ailes was joined in the Gross Boys Club by Bill O’Reilly and John Roberts.
Millions of people probably simultaneously said, “I am not drunk enough for this,” when Chris Rock followed up his #OscarsSoWhite opening monologue by bringing out Stacey Dash for everyone to laugh at. Dionne from Clueless turned Fox News sweetheart came out and wished everybody a Happy Black History Month. It was supposed to be funny, but it’s almost impossible to laugh while your jaw is all-the-way shut from cringing. What was even more WTF than Stacey’s awkward bit at the Oscars was her explanation of it.
Note to black actors: If you want to be invited to the Oscars stage, spew out some truly WTF foolery on Fox News and you’ll be asked to do a truly awkward bit so everyone can laugh at your ass!
At the Oscars tonight, Chris Rock introduced Stacey Dash as the new director of their minority outreach program. As most of us here know, Dionne from Clueless has said before that Black History Month and the BET Awards shouldn’t exist. Stacey came out and wished everyone a happy Black History Month. We were supposed to barf out a river of HAHAHAHAs over Stacey Dash making fun of herself, but I think most of us were too busy wondering what the fuck was going on and why?????
This moment may have outdone Rob Lowe and Snow White’s Oscar opener as the most “Huh?!” moment of any Oscars.
— Matt Wilstein (@TheMattWilstein) February 29, 2016
As to how they got Stacey to do it… Well, they just said, “Stacey, cameras will be involved-“ And she said, “Stop, that’s all I need to know. Where do I sign my name in blood?”
Ageless Romney Girl and FOX News contributor Stacey Dash, who was never drugged by Bill Cosby FYI, celebrated her 48th birthday on Tuesday and Instagrammed this picture from her big blowout. Judging by that picture alone, the only people who showed up to her party were the lone mariachi guy she hired and the assistant who took the picture. I guess her party’s theme was Forever Alone. In Stacey’s caption of her birthday picture, she wished herself a happy birthday and reminded everyone that’s it’s January with a hashtag:
Thank you Lord for another year Happy Birthday to me (and to everyone that shares 1/20 God Bless you) #happybirthday #staceydash #January
That picture looks like a still from the Twin Peaks reboot. This picture has all the ingredients for a beautiful work of art from the lone mariachi chilling under that archway to that tiara from Big Lots on Stacey’s head to that weird cake candelabra to the discount last call children’s birthday cake from Albertson’s. That cake looks like all the Care Bear diarrhea’d on it. If you replaced that mariachi guy with my mom, Stacey with me and that struggle cake with a He-Man cake, that picture would look like it was taken at my lonely ass 6th birthday party.
And I didn’t think it was possible, but Stacey Dash managed to snatch away the title of Loneliest Birthday Party Picture from Kirk Cameron.
A Birthday cake candelabra and a lone mariachi are the new Subway sandwich and sad lady hovering in the doorway.
FYI: Stacey Dash Would Like Everyone To Know That Bill Cosby Was Always A “Perfect Gentleman” To Her
The Bill Cosby situation keeps getting messier and messier and messier. New alleged victims have come forward, more companies have dropped him and last night the AP released a clip from a recent interview where Bill filled the room with a cloud of stank entitlement as he threw death glares at a reporter who brought up the allegations. As his wife smiled a happy smile next to him, Bill refused to talk about it and asked the reporter to not include that part in the interview. In the middle of all of that, ageless wreck Stacey Dash piped in to remind everyone that she exists and to also let everyone know that Bill Cosby never attacked her. Unlike Raven-Symone, a fake story claiming that Bill Cosby assaulted Stacey Dash never made the rounds. She just wanted to let everyone know, okay? If Don Lemon wasn’t gay, he and Stacey would make a serious super power couple. Here’s what Stacey tweeted:
I worked with @BillCosby in '86 when I was 19. We were alone together many times. He was a perfect gentleman & became a mentor to me.
— Stacey Dash (@REALStaceyDash) November 20, 2014
Stacey tweeted it again, but added “@etnow” because she really wanted to get the word out since everybody (read: nobody) was wondering.
Stacey went on to tweet, “I read a book about @jeffreydahmer in ’06. Just want to let everyone know that he never murdered and ate me. @radar_online.” A few hours later, she also tweeted, “Just watched Chasing Madoff from ’10. I’d like everyone to know that @BernieMadoff never stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from me. @examinercom @starcasm.”
Glad you cleared that up for us, Stacey.