Sofia Vergara’s slimy ex Nick Loeb recently moved to Louisiana in what was a blatant attempt to convince the mostly pro-life state to hand over the frozen embryos he’s been chasing for over three years now. But he can’t possibly be spending all his free time trying to get his frozen embryos Emma and Isabelle. As it turns out, he’s been killing time putting the $ in $hameless by making an anti-abortion movie in Louisiana.
Actress and Oscars 2016 human prop joke Stacey Dash has announced that she is no longer running for Congress. James Woods wept upon his $13.99 Dionne from Clueless quote print, as CNN read her official “withdrawal from the Congressional race” e-mail. Ms. Dash quit in an e-mail because press conferences can sometimes be expensive. If it’s a non-story like this one, you have to be able to afford a podium and chairs and everything.
I no longer make the Chrissy Teigen face every time I hear Stacey Dash’s name pop up because what’s the point. Stacey’s gonna do Stacey and she’s made inducing cringes part of her brand. I’m not giving myself wrinkles on account of her. However! CNN reports that Stacey has filed paperwork to run for congress in California and when I read that news my face did do a thing but it was more of a bemused smirk with accompanying eye-roll. Oh that Stacey!
After just two years of wet burping up saliva bubbles of concentrated foolery as a talking head on Fox News, Stacey Dash has been dropped. Some may say that Stacey was fired, but I say that Stacey was given alternative employment. You know that a layer of nervous sweat covered Omarosa’s forehead today as she walked to her new office while half-expecting to find a pink-slip before finding out that she’s been replaced by Dionne from Clueless.
The Hollywood Reporter says that the professional re-tweeter hasn’t been on Fox News since September 2016, and that’s because they chose not to renew her contract. A rep for Fox News says that they decided not to renew her contract because they realized that even she’s too crazy for them and they also discovered that they’ll save a lot of money and get the same kind of commentary if they just replace her with a whoopee cushion full of cold farts. (That is an alternative fact that will probably become a fact fact when Fox News announces that their new contributor is a whoopee cushion full of cold farts.)
Dionne from Clueless is the political mind of our time, so this is a sad day for politics, journalism and the world! But whatever, Stacey doesn’t need Fox News anyway. Why would Stacey want to embarrass herself on basic cable when she can embarrass herself on prime time network television, like she did last year:
Roger Ailes is being sued by another former Fox News employee for allegedly acting like a gross piece of trash. I’ll wait while you catch your breath from the lung-clearing “NO!” you probably just shouted after reading that.
Roger Ailes no longer works at Fox News (congratulations Roger, you can now pursue your true calling as a claymation character called Creep E. McGreed from a Rankin/Bass special about Labor Day). But that doesn’t mean he can’t still get sued for the shit he allegedly pulled while he still worked there. According to Deadline, former co-host of The Five and Outnumbered Andrea Tantaros filed a lawsuit in New York yesterday against Roger Ailes and Fox News for nearly $50 million dollars. Andrea claims Fox News was a crappy place for women to work and that there was a whole lot of sexual harassment happening. She’s pointing fingers too: Andrea alleges that Roger Ailes was joined in the Gross Boys Club by Bill O’Reilly and John Roberts.
Millions of people probably simultaneously said, “I am not drunk enough for this,” when Chris Rock followed up his #OscarsSoWhite opening monologue by bringing out Stacey Dash for everyone to laugh at. Dionne from Clueless turned Fox News sweetheart came out and wished everybody a Happy Black History Month. It was supposed to be funny, but it’s almost impossible to laugh while your jaw is all-the-way shut from cringing. What was even more WTF than Stacey’s awkward bit at the Oscars was her explanation of it.