Category: St. Vincent

Open Post: Hosted By St. Vincent’s Mourning Hipster Version Of “Thank You For Being A Friend”

July 12, 2016 / Posted by:

As with everything, my thoughts about this are best expressed through the face that our Patron Saint of Life, Bea Arthur, is making.

The only covers of “Thank You For Being A Friend” we need are Betty White’s death metal version and the porn version, but indie nymph St. Vincent decided that the ears of the world really needed a version that’d make you want to drop your forkful of cheesecake, go out to the lanai, lay down on the tiles and wait for the earth to swallow your body whole.

St. Vincent took “Thank You For Being A Friend” sucked every milliounce of joy out of it and stuffed it with a hundred hipster frowns. Since I think of everything in terms of dick, if “Thank You For Being A Friend” was a peen, it’d be a tall, hard, happy one and its lips would always be smiling. St. Vincent transformed it into a soft, cold, grey, depressed one who is always lying on its owner’s thigh and only lifts its head to groan at the sunshine. Listen and weep:

No, there are no words in St. Vincent’s dirge cover, but if there were, one lyric would go like this: “And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew, you would see me creeping everyone out by crying  in the corner while petting your cat.

The hell kind of GD Golden Girls theme song is that?!

The most played song in my iTunes is a song by Atomic Kitten, so I’m not the one to be judging music, but no to St. Vincent’s cover. If I ate a whole cheesecake, put on a silky caftan and farted into a recorder while standing in front of a fan, it would probably sound more like “Thank You For Being A Friend” than St. Vincent’s version does. I guess that’s the point, but she should still be jailed for that!

The good news for St. Vincent is that when Hollywood eventually stomps on what’s left of our souls by turning the Golden Girls into a depressing drama directed by Lars Von Trier, her cover can be used for the closing credits.

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Open Post: Hosted By Cara Delevingne And St. Vincent Squirting At The Paps

December 19, 2015 / Posted by:

No, you’re not looking at two busted-looking Stormtroopers from a low-budget direct-to-Netflix ripoff of Star Wars: The Force Awakens called Space Fight: The Power Wakes Up. It’s famous eyebrow model Cara Delevingne and her current girlfriend St. Vincent (real name: Annie Clark) looking like two goth teens at a sleepover while spraying the paps waiting in front of Cara’s house with water guns.

On Wednesday, Cara swatted at a pap on Twitter who had tried to take an upskirt pic of her and asked for some revenge ideas, because I guess Dirty Work hasn’t opened a location in London yet. That’s when she made a quick run to London’s version of Toys “R” Us and pick up some tiny Super Soakers (Super Dampeners? Sure). Delevincent shot a couple loads at the paps, and they felt so good about it, they decided to do it again last night before they made their way to a Christmas party at Mick Jagger’s house.

💦Pay back💦

A video posted by Cara Delevingne (@caradelevingne) on

Who knows if Cara and Saint will squirt at the paps every time they see them, but if they really want to take their pap-squirting game to the next level, they should fill their water guns up with AXE body spray. They’ll never see another photographer again if there’s a 100% chance they’ll leave Cara’s house reeking like a douchebag.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Cara Delevingne and St. Vincent Broke Up

July 21, 2015 / Posted by:

If you’re like my mom and are wondering what a Cara Delevingne is and wondering why she was dating that movie starring the man from Groundhog Dog, I’ll break it down for you real quick. Cara Delaredvines is that model with the brows who was cokey clit wrestling with Michelle Rodriguez for a minute and St. Vincent makes music I like to listen to. They were together and apparently, they’re not together anymore.

Page Six says that St. Vincent is no longer being entertained by the sight of Cara’s obese caterpillar brows squirming around as she munches on that twat. 22-year-old Cara and 32-year-old St. Vincent were together for about 6 months. Before Cara, St. Vincent was with Carrie Brownstein and now Carrie Brownstein is scissoring with Piper from Orange is the New Black. Page Six puts it like this:

We’re told the breakup was recent, with the couple appearing on St. Vincent’s Instagram two weeks ago.

[Cara’s] rep didn’t comment. St. Vincent’s rep said they didn’t know about a split.

These two supposedly broke up in April and got back together shortly after. Yesterday, St. Vincent Instagrammed a picture of a guitar signed by David Bowie, which was a gift from Cara. Maybe they’re already back together? I don’t know. Page Six also didn’t say why they broke up again. But well, Cara Delawhatever is friends with the Jenner girls and that’s a deal breaker. “Your piece is friends with any trick directly related to Pimp Mama Kris” is a deal breaker right up there with “snorting while orgasming” and “wanting to sit in the same side of the booth at a restaurant.”

Here’s Cara at the Paper Towns premiere in L.A. with human philosopher bong Jaden Smith and those Jenner messes.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com, Getty

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