Taylor Swift has been on a popular girl hiatus for the past few months. Nobody has really heard from her or seen her in public, save for a few grainy pap shots of her boarding a private jet with her latest boyfriend, or her extracting petty revenge on Katy Perry by releasing her entire catalogue on streaming services. Every evil deed requires a kind one to balance everything out, and she recently did a nice one for Oklahoma City Thunder point guard Russell Westbrook.
Serena Williams is having a baby with her fiancé, Reddit co-founder Alexis Onahian. I’m sure some in the tennis world responded by congratulating her or getting on the phone with Wilson and ordering a dozen or so custom-made infant-sized racquets with “future GOAT” printed on the handle. Romanian tennis champion Ilie Nastase acknowledged Serena’s big news by keeping true to his nickname and telling a nasty-ish joke about the baby growing inside her. Not surprisingly, Serena is not here for it.
Last night at the Atlanta Hawks basketball game, rapper Gucci Mane proposed the dignified and sacred contract of marriage to his “longtime” piece, Keyshia Ka’oir. I’m sure you can already tell that it went down exactly like it does in every fairy tale ever.
There they were, enjoying “Gucci Mane Night” at the Hawks game, dressed in their finest (a GUWOP-emblazoned jersey for him, Kool-Aid pink pube fur for her), when the Kiss Cam rolled around. They looked deep into each others’ eyes and smiled lovingly as the announcer ushered them on. “KISS CAM! KISS CAAAAAM!” he wailed. Gucci stood up and presented his ring like a man reluctantly showing a very short person something on his phone. “WHAT’S GOING ON? IS THIS A PROPOSAL?” That’s when the air horns kick into high gear. Who needs singing woodland creatures to string up flowers and bows when you can embrace true love while a dude sweating in a hawk mascot outfit hovers over you.
The grown man screaming during this picture-perfect moment keeps asking Keyshia if she’s going to say yes, but dude, open your fucking eyes. Are you seeing that ring?? Are you able to see anything other than that ring?? It’s 25 carats! TMZ shared a video of the rock, so if you want to watch 37 seconds of silent, distilled Liberace opulence, go nuts. Personally, jewels don’t give me a case of the Lohan Shakes like they do for some. But then again, most people can be in the same room as a Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Pop-Tart and not lose all their self-control.
By the way, the Hawks ended up losing the game last night, but I’m sure that’s not a bad omen. I defy anyone to look at that couple and see anything other than a true and everlasting love.
Charlie Sheen has been really into this year’s World Series, because the Cleveland Indians played and that was the team used in his 1989 movie Major League. Two weeks ago, Charlie tweeted a picture of himself as Major League’s sexiest near-sighted fastball-throwing felon Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn and joked: “if called upon, I’d be honored.” Charlie Sheen even tried really hard (and failed, several times) to get to throw out the first pitch during any of the Indians’ home games. But one of Charlie’s smaller, more lucid dreams did come true last night.
I’m sure this picture of Taylor Swift wearing the team colors isn’t helping. According to The Oregonian, several San Francisco Giants fans are pissed at Taylor and itt turns out it’s because she messed up their World Series superstition by not releasing an album this year. Curse you, Taylor Swift!
If Emma Stone auditioned for the part of tennis legend Billie Jean King in the upcoming biopic Battle of the Sexes, I’m guessing that audition consisted solely of how good she looked in a pair of vintage Pierre Cardin frames and a rinse of Miss Clairol in #62 Coffee Brown. Because apparently she’s not very good at tennis. You know, the thing her character is supposed to be really good at.
Page Six says that even though Emma took tennis lessons (including some one-on-ones with Billie Jean King herself) before filming, she was still so bad at tennis (“How bad is she?!“) that a body double who is really good at tennis was hired to fill in for her during the tennis-playing scenes. An insider tells Page Six:
“Billie Jean herself tried to teach Emma to play tennis, but she was useless, so they got a body double.”
Steve Carell, on the other hand, is apparently really good. Steve plays Bobby Riggs, the 55-year-old retired tennis player who challenged Billie Jean King to said battle, and the source says he did all his own “action” scenes. However, a second source is side-eyeing the first source’s claim that Steve is Pete Sampras in disguise. They say both Emma and Steve for-real play tennis in the movie and both had body doubles. They add that there are always doubles during a shoot that involves a sport, skill, or stunt. Forget Battle of the Sexes; Battle of the Sources is the movie I want to see. Get ’em, source two! Kick source one’s ass!
I’m actually shocked Emma picked up a tennis racket at all for shooting. Movies these days are 98% digital fakery anyway, so it’s kind of refreshing to hear that they didn’t just put her and Steve Carell in full-body motion capture suits, and CGI them into a fake tennis game with a cartoon tennis ball in post-production.