I spent a good chunk of last night in a restless sleep wondering what horse tranquilizer the non-Posh Spice Girls had fed Victoria Beckham in order to get her to sign on for another Spice Girls reunion, but now it looks like a reunion will be limited to Sporty, Baby, Scary, and Ginger buying Victoria’s Target line on eBay. Continue reading
Mel C (aka “Sporty Spice“) was able to round up most of her fellow Spice Girls to appear in the video for her new track, “Room For Love.” The only holdout was Mel “Scary Spice” B. In her defense, she’s probably hiding from her terrifying psycho douche ex.
The “Girl Power” wasn’t actually resurrected in the same shoot for the video, though. This was one of those “get a bunch of people to record themselves lip-synching the video and cobblie it together for cheap” vids. But Emma “Baby Spice” Bunton, Geri “Ginger Spice” Halliwell, and Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham all pop up. Posh is kind of surprising, seeing as she’s got the most money and has no need to lift an expensively manicured, skeletal finger. But it’s nice of her to help a sister out.
Everything is getting the reboot or throwback treatment. Will & Grace? Coming back! Every other defunct show at NBC? Coming back! McRib at McDonalds? Coming back! Just kidding, I don’t know about that one. Lollapooloza was this weekend. I only knew that since my Republican relatives all sent me asshole emails about Malia Obama dancing around at The Killers concert, because dems dah devil’s side-steps. And my gays all sent me clips of an insult to the good name of our Lordesses of Seasoning, the Spice Girls. Continue reading
Last month, Michael brought you the bittersweet news that the Spice Girls were thinking of putting on a 20th anniversary reunion tour (YAAAY) but that it might not include Sporty or Posh (NOOO). Neither were that into it, which is insane, because who the hell wouldn’t want to spend several months of their life getting paid to sing “Spice Up Your Life“? That’s every karaoke drunk’s dream.
Earlier today, on the 20th anniversary of the release of “Wannabe“, Scary, Ginger and Baby released a video on their brand new website announcing…that they have an announcement to make soon. They don’t say what the announcement will be. But their old producer Eliot Kennedy did confirm to the BBC that Scary, Ginger, and Baby have been in the studio recently. They’re also apparently going by Spice Girls GEM now (you know, for Geri, Emma, and Melanie). See, even they know it’s not really the Spice Girls without Sporty and Posh.
The last we heard, GEM (I zig-a-zig-can’t with that name) was planning on replacing Sporty and Posh. But considering they’ve registered the domain name SpiceGirlsGem.com, they seem pretty committed to being a threesome. And really, if that video has taught me anything, it’s that they’d technically only need to find a replacement for Sporty. Thanks to Geri’s new accent, she can totally do Ginger and Posh!
The Spice Girls have apparently been trying to put together a 20th anniversary reunion tour, and we already know that Posh Spice isn’t doing it because she has officially retired from half-assed lip-synching while pointing at things. Now one of America’s most esteemed and trustworthy literary journals Life & Style is reporting that Sporty Spice doesn’t want to do the tour either, and so Scary Spice, Baby Spice and Ginger Spice have come up with an idea that makes me think they were possessed by Satan. This idea is one of the most unholiest things I’ve ever heard. The Spice Girls are planning to hold tryouts to replace Posh and Sporty. Some source dribbled out these evil words:
“It wasn’t a surprise that Victoria would decline the tour, but the girls really hit the roof when Mel C ditched too.
The girls are going to be making a formal announcement about tryouts for their spots in the next few weeks. Posh and Sporty can be replaced.”
Okay, truthfully, if the Spice Girls put a snobby-looking broomstick in a wig onstage and called it Posh, nobody would really question that, and in fact, the audience would probably talk about how she looked more lively than usual. But replacing Sporty who is only the only Spice Girl who can sing? When the Spice Girls sang, “Make it last forever, friendship never ends,” they weren’t just singing lyrics. They were also singing a legal oath to each other. So if Scary, Baby and Geri actually hold auditions, they’ll be breaking that legal oath. Their next reunion show will be in a prison mess hall after they’re jailed for committing an illegal act of betrayal!
The Spice Girls, without a doubt, were the greatest girl band ever. Duh. Don’t argue. There was one in there for all of us. Did you high kick like Sporty or infantilise yourself like Baby? Spout Girl Power words like Ginger or wear zebra print like Scary? Or maybe you pointed your finger like Posh? The finger point was the glue that held the band together, well, until Geri left, and Victoria Beckham‘s biggest contribution. God, I loved her but if you ever went to a show you had to wonder whether she was just a mic stand with a wig on it. Despite giving us the greatest video and song of the Spice solo careers, she’s now confirmed what we knew all along in regards to her singing. Her mic was more often than not off at the shows.