Category: Sorry Jesus
Madonna Is Jesus And The Virgin Mary In Next Month’s Vanity Fair In Italy, Spain, And France
Yesterday Madonna announced that she was embarking on an international tour to celebrate four decades in the music biz. The Celebration World Tour doesn’t begin until July, so until then, we’re probably going to see a lot of Madge. Today kicks things off with the reveal of Madonna’s new Vanity Fair cover/photoshoot. Billboard reports that the 64-year-old will appear in next month’s “Icon Issue” for the magazine’s French, Spanish, and Italian editions. All predominantly Catholic countries! The perfect audience for some classic maybe-excommunicated Madonna envelope-pushing. On the cover, she is a weeping Virgin Mary. Inside, she is Jesus at an all-female last supper. I don’t remember JC or the OG Madonna having so many fillers, but suspend your disbelief!
Open Post: Hosted By Heidi Montag’s Time-Traveling Christian Movie––Just In Time For Easter!
Yes, THAT Heidi Montag. And yes, she made a movie. And while the plot of this movie is basically about time travel and trying to assassinate Jesus, it’s still easier to comprehend than the fact that, again, it’s 2020 and Heidi Montag is getting cast in movies.
Kanye West Will Team Up With Joel Osteen Again For An Event At Yankee Stadium
There was probably a time in his career when Kanye West could fill Yankee Stadium all on his own, but lately, he needs the help of a higher power. And Jesus just ain’t going to cut it. So Kanye’s calling on an even higher power, large-toothed televangelist Joel Osteen. According to TMZ, Kanye will be joining Joel in May for an event at Yankee Stadium called “America’s Night of Hope.” Kanye’s figured out the secret to success. If you want people to hoot and holler for you, regardless of the quality of your message, put yourself in front of a crowd of believers and name drop Jesus a bunch of times. You’ll have them eating out of the psalm of your hands.
“Jesus Shoes” That Were Meant As A Joke And Cost $1425 Sold Out In Minutes
In People-Really-Will-Buy-Anything News, a shoe created to mock “collab culture” which cost almost $1,425 sold out in minutes. Yes: the design company MSCHF decided to make a statement and gag the public, and instead they got gagged themselves by sort of accidentally making a huge monetary success out of a prank. Enter: the highly expensive “Jesus Shoes”.
The Release Of “Jesus Is King” Is Delayed, And Kanye West Says He’ll Never Do Secular Music Again
Kenny G’s latest album, Jesus Is King, was supposed to have been released this past Sunday, but it wasn’t, and according to TMZ, no new release has been announced. Apparently, Kenny’s good friend Kanye West wasn’t quite done tinkering with it yet. How much tinkering does an album full of romantic soprano sax solos require? We may never know. Because JIK is a gospel album, and as much as I’d like to pretend otherwise, Kenny’s only featured on one track. JIK is 100% certifiable Kanye, and it’s part of his rebirth as God’s most special tool. According to Fader, Kanye has decided he’s never doing secular music again.
Kanye West’s Sunday Services Have Inspired An Album
For the better part of this year, Kanye West has been conducting his own musical outdoor church-style services, called Kanye West’s Sunday Services, and it’s quickly become the hottest cult in town! It’s great for people who want a church experience that focuses less on God, and more on a dude who thinks he’s God and has made it very clear that he’s in it for the $$$. The only problem is, Kanye’s Sunday Services are super exclusive, and admission is reserved for only the most elite VIPs.
But it looks like Kanye is finally going to open his church up to everyone. Kim Kardashian recently tweeted a picture of what appears to be the track listing of a new album of spiritual songs titled Jesus Is King.