Category: Someone’s Got A New Album To Sell

Justin Timberlake Teased His New Album Called “Man Of The Woods”

January 2, 2018 / Posted by:

Justin Timberlake is not just a rapping, blue-eyed boy soul singer anymore; he’s gone back to his roots (good thing because those frosted tips were never the look). Justin recently announced that he has a new album coming out and, according to Billboard, this time it’s personal.

The 36-year-old unveiled a minute-long teaser trailer for the record on Twitter Tuesday morning (Jan. 2), which disclosed that Timberlake’s fifth studio album, titled Man of the Woods, is set to arrive Feb. 2.

“This album is really inspired by my son, my wife, my family, but more so than any other album I’ve ever written, where I’m from,” Timberlake says in the video. “And it’s personal.”

Is Justin trying to tell us that Sexyback wasn’t personal? It was personal to me (in that I was personally offended)! At any rate, the new Justin isn’t so much about the “sexy” per say. New Justin is a Cowboy, a Reno George Michael impersonator, a Native American, an outlaw, a lumberjack, the Revenant, a pyromaniac, a preacher, a sinner, a true believer, a scarecrow, a Lands End model, a farmhand and a baby snatcher. At least that’s what I’m getting from this promo video.

This is Justin’s Lemonade, you guys! And who doesn’t want a tall steaming glass of Justin’s lemonade? Looks like Pharrell has forgiven him for biting the Happy video with his little Trolls song. Woodsman Justin will drop his album just a couple days before his big Super Bowl do-over for maximum exposure. Some might accuse Woody Allen’s most unbelievable proxy of pandering with this “a country boy can survive” shtick but I’m sure it’s genuine. It’s at least as genuine as his sliding scale “blaccent”.

Pic: YouTube

Taylor Swift Has Returned To Social Media With A Single Reptile-Themed Post

August 21, 2017 / Posted by:

Swifties (and president Donald Trump) stared at the sun all afternoon, and all they got were singed retinas! Taylor Swift, the sneakiest foal of all the My Little Ponies, is responsible for many a dry cleaning bill this Monday. All her fans shat themselves over the weekend upon learning she had wiped her social media clean. In real person world, that’s the second step after a new haircut in showing your ex-boo you’re well on your way to a “new you.” In TayTay world, it means you have a new album about to drop, and you’re going to induce the drip, drip, drip of water torture on your fans and have them do some really weird shit for a week so they can find out the name of the lead single.

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