Category: Someone Come Get This Child

59-Year-Old Sean Penn Got Married To His 28-Year-Old Girlfriend Leila George

August 3, 2020 / Posted by:

Congratulations to this dirty old man and his brand new child bride! Don’t worry, Leonardo DiCaprio didn’t get hitched (Ha! Camilla wishes). And, nope, I’m not talking about Dennis Quaid. It’s Sean Penn, who turns 60 in a couple of weeks, and 28-year-old Leila George.

Leila follows in the illustrious footsteps of Sean’s other ex-wives Madonna, 61, and Robin Wright, 54. According to People, Leila shares Sean’s “commitment to philanthropy”. When she’s not saving the world, she works as an actress (duh), and starred as the daughter in James Franco’s remake of Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? (coincidentally the exact question she asked her momma when she started seeing Sean).

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Opposite Of Shocking: Chris Brown And His Baby Mama Are Fighting Over Child Support

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

According to TMZ, rich Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot and “good person” (says Rita Ora and only Rita Ora) Chris Brown and his baby mama of four months Nia Guzman are having problems with money. As it turns out, Nia is a Get Money Mommy who wants a fuckload of his cash and Chris is a Deadbeat Daddy who doesn’t want to give it to her. I know, I’m shocked too.

Back when Chris first found out he and Nia made a surprise baby she named Royalty, he gave her a whole lot of cash in an attempt to prevent her from seeking a child support agreement in court. Eventually he got paranoid that Nia was selling stories about him to the press, so he considered cutting her off and sending his lawyers after her. Now it looks like he’s finally made up his mind and is definitely taking this mess to court. Chris Brown filed legal documents in Houston (where Nia and Royalty currently live) to establish paternity so he can fight Nia and her crazy thirst for child support cash. Nia claims she needs $15,000 a month in child support for their 1-year-old daughter. But Chris thinks the number should be closer to $2,500 and that’s what he’s been paying. “$2,500 a month? That’s cute,” thought the custom Lamborghini Chris is leaning his ass against in the picture above.

Chris also wants a judge to define some kind of a clear custody agreement. Chris claims that Nia has been preventing him from seeing Royalty. Yeah, I’m sure any judge would agree with Nia on that one. I would not be surprised if the judge asked Baby Royalty who she wanted to live with and said, “I agree. That would be the best option for you,” after she pointed to the stapler on his desk.

In the event you want to see what a father who still acts and dresses like a child looks like, here’s Chris Brown coming out of a club a couple nights ago.

Pic: Instagram, Wenn.com

Yeah, Sure… It’s Kylie Jenner’s Monogamy That Bothers Us

January 4, 2014 / Posted by:

16-year-old Kylie Jenner posted this pic on Instagram on January 2nd with the caption “My monogamy it bothers you” and there is so, SO much to be bothered by. First, the combination of that pose with that outfit. If Kris Jenner hadn’t taken the form of Beezlebub when she first landed here on Earth, I’d be asking where the hell Kylie’s mother is, but we all know that’s a lost cause. Kris probably handled the wardrobe, makeup, hair, lighting, art direction and photography herself on this fuckery.

Second, what the hell does that caption even mean??!?? Did she really mean monogamy because the last time anybody checked, Thing 2 swore she was single and not playing 7 Minutes in Heaven with Jaden Smith or anybody else. Maybe she meant mahogany. Or Monopoly. Either way, I’m far more comfortable thinking that she’s talking about furniture or board games and that Kylie’s homeschooling is falling short in the vocabulary lesson department than I am thinking someone would actually be bothered by a teenage girl’s monogamy.

NOW GET OFF THE DAMN FLOOR, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON AND GET OFF MY LAWN, KYLIE!

(Pic: Instagram)

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