Category: Snoop Dog

Comedy Central Is Scrubbing Out All The Paul Walker Jokes From Justin Bieber’s Roast

March 17, 2015 / Posted by:

I always thought that anyone watching those Comedy Central roasts knows to leave their pearl clutching pearls in the jooree box, because pretty much anything goes and many of those hos who take the mic are out to shock and offend. I mean, during the Pamela Anderson roast, evil bitches made fun of God’s spirit sister Bea Arthur and I thought that was against all laws of everything. But I guess some jokes are too much for Comedy Central. During Saturday night’s taping of the Justin Bieber roast, which was the latest stop on his “I Swear I’m No Longer A Split Open Anus Wart” tour, seasoned roaster Jeff Ross and SNLer Pete Davidson both made jokes about Paul Walker’s death, because Ludacris, who’s in those Fast & Furious movies, was there. The Hollywood Reporter says that the jokes bombed and Ludacris was pissed. Here’s two of the jokes:

“‘Move bitch, get out of the way!’ is what Paul Walker should’ve told that tree. Too soon? Too fast? Too furious?” – Jeff Ross

“Just this past year, Justin got arrested for drag racing. Unfortunately, it wasn’t with Paul Walker. What? He’s doing great! He’s got a movie coming out!” – Pete Davidson

Jeff Ross also told a joke about Pete Davidson’s firefighter dad dying in the World Trade Center attacks, but these are the jokes that made Comedy Central hit the TOO FAR button. Those jokes won’t make the cut when this mess airs later this month. Comedy Central burped up this statement:

“Roasts often push the limits of good taste and we give the participants full rein to try things knowing we have the edit to shape the show. Sometimes the line is discovered by crossing it. The Paul Walker references will not be in the telecast.”

Jeff responded to his Paul Walker joke getting cut by making what sounds like another Paul Walker joke: “I was so in the moment, I don’t know what jokes hit.

Since Comedy Central is editing out stuff they think is too offensive and crosses the line, I’m guessing they’re going to completely edit out Justin Bieber and his drowned long-haired guinea pig hair. Because his entire existence is offensive to humanity.

Pics: Wenn.com

What In Creepy 1970s Algebra Professor Hell Is Going On Here?

August 29, 2014 / Posted by:

Jesus take the wheel. Take the everything! This is definitely one of those ‘One set of footprints on the beach’ moments where Jesus needs to pick his ass up and start searching his pockets for PCP, because Snoop Dogg has clearly cut his good shit with the kind of bad shit that makes terrifying nightmares come to life.

Apropos of nothing, Snoop posted a bunch of pictures to Instagram of himself dressed up as his white alter-ego Snoop Todd. Snoop didn’t explain why he was dressed up like Walter White fucked a bag of flour and a Diane Sawyer wig, and quite frankly, the less I know, the better. Snoop Todd looks like the type of guy who is required by law to introduce himself to everyone on the street when he moves into a new neighborhood. Snoop Todd looks like a sex offender with scurvy. Snoop Todd would also sort of look like my high school librarian if you shaved off the facial hair (save for a couple under the chin) and dangled a delicate gold cross from Costco out of the top of that turtleneck.

I don’t know if people will react to Snoop Dogg in whiteface like they reacted to Nick Cannon in whiteface, but can whatever Snoop is doing really be considered whiteface? It’s more like Elmer’s wood filler face. Or expired foundation from Dollar Tree face. Regardless of what it is, Jackie Rogers Jr. isn’t here for Snoop trying to jack his look:

Jackie.Rogers.Jr

Here’s more of Snoop Dogg Snoop Lion Snoop Todd serving up FACE! WIG! NIGHTMARES!, because clearly there’s not enough disturbing shit on the Internet.

(via Uproxx)

Snoop Dogg Smoked So Much Weed, People Thought His Room Was On Fire

January 25, 2014 / Posted by:

Praise be to Based God this morning for bringing us a real story about a real rapper smoking actually large quantities of weed. I was getting so sick of Justin Bieber’s wanna-be badass Playskool poser antics and genuinely needed a palate cleanser to get the bad taste out of my mouth (for the past three days its tasted like Pedialyte, Xanax, and soggy Arrowroot cookies).

As a for-real fan of Soul Plane (I made peace with my terrible taste a long time ago) I’ll always love a good Snoop Dogg story. According to TMZ (via the Huffington Post), Snoop Dogg spent Thursday night in a hotel room in Australia like any of us would: by ripping bong hits, ordering $19 cheesecake, and debating with himself whether or not to get up at 6am to beat the rush at the pool (but mostly bong hits). However, by the next morning, the smoke still hadn’t cleared and became thick enough to set off the fire alarm. Firefighters rushed up to his room and prepared for some serious Kurt Russell in Backdraft action, but when they opened the door, they discovered nothing more than a smokey room and a buff-as-hell Snoop Dogg in his sweatpants (seriously, when did Snoop get those muscles?).

The firefighters wouldn’t confirm whether or not the smoke was from weed, but Snoop Dogg looks like a mythical Chinese dragon who grows good shit in his lungs and puffs out thick clouds of dank when he opens his mouth, so it’s a big d-o-double-duh that it probably was weed. Or maybe they have some weird shit they smoke in Australia instead of weed. I know that Australia is a fucked-up Island of Mystery where everything is upside down, hamburgers eat people, and their spiders are the size of small dogs, so maybe they have something stronger and crazier than weed. Wallaby hair? They’re smoking wallaby hair down under, aren’t they?

(Pic via Instagram)

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Snoop Dogg Thinks The Rap World Is Too Masculine To Accept A Gay Rapper

April 7, 2013 / Posted by:

Last August, Snoop Dogg said that he thinks hip-hop is ready for a mainstream gay rapper, but I guess he somehow forgot saying that (don’t blame the good shit!), because now he’s saying something totally different. Snoop Dogg tells The Guardian that he has a lot of gay homies, but he doesn’t think that the rap world will ever fully embrace a gay rapper. Snoop thinks that the rap is just way too masculine to accept a gay rapper.

“I don’t have a problem with gay people. I got some gay homies. Yeah, for real. People who were gay used to get beat up. It was cool to beat up on gay people back then. But in the 90s and 2000s, gay is a way of life. Just regular people with jobs. Now they are accepted, not classified. They just went through the same things we went through as black.

Frank Ocean ain’t no rapper. He’s a singer. It’s acceptable in the singing world, but in the rap world I don’t know if it will ever be acceptable because rap is so masculine. It’s like a football team. You can’t be in a locker room full of motherfucking tough-ass dudes, then all of a sudden say, ‘Hey, man, I like you.’ You know, that’s going to be tough.”

Snoop is one hundred percent correct, because when I first saw Cam’ron’s pink fur and Gucci Mane’s ice cream tattoo, I shouted, “That’s so masculine!”

I sort of get what Snoop is saying. Snoop is trying to say that so many rap songs are about catching pussy and screwing hos and he doesn’t think rappers will be rapping about gargling on nuts and licking on man ass anytime soon. (Cut to a year from now when Kanye Kardashian releases his new single “Gargling On Nuts and Licking On Man Ass.”) But Snoop is mistaken about the definition of masculinity, because nothing is more masculine than two dudes fucking. It’s double the menses!

And on another note, I will never accept the name Snoop Lion. I refuse.

Here’s Snoop Dogg, Tater Head and Tater Head’s dude Jayson Blair at his show at Tao in Las Vegas last night.

10 Reasons To Not Vote For Mitt Romney Brought To You By Snoop Dogg

October 5, 2012 / Posted by:

Twitterer @DragonflyJonez made a list of 10 reasons he’s voting for Obama and 10 reasons why he isn’t voting for Obama and Snoop Dogg (I REFUSE to call him Snoop Lion) co-signed and snatched it by Instagraming it without giving credit. DragonflyJonez and Snoop Dogg aren’t voting for Romney, because he’s a ho-less Mormon, is a muthafucka named Mitt and won’t let anybody talk. They’re voting for Obama, because Michelle’s got a fat ass and he smokes Newports. A MESS!

Maybe I’m alone on this, but “he a ho” and “bitch got a dancing horse” are both selling points for me.

via HuffPo 

And Now, Here’s Some Advice For Kris Humphries From Snoop Dogg

January 27, 2012 / Posted by:

WARNING: About three seconds after hitting play on this NSFWish mess, a giant sperm fish with a mouth will scare away the afternoon buzz you got from inhaling nitrous out of a whipped cream can in the bathroom.

During Snoop Dogg’s web show, he was asked to drop a little few words of unfiltered wisdom into the ear holes of Kris Humphries and this is the hilarious shit that came blazing out of his mouth:

“The first advice is, you dumb ass nigga, you shouldn’t have tried to wife the bitch. She’s not that type of a ho. She gets around, man. Did you see when Reggie took the bitch to Africa? She was looking at the Africans cause they had bigger dicks than his. He didn’t know how to act afterward. They sent his ass to Miami. Reggie the only nigga that bounced back from the bitch. She’s cold-blooded. I’m pretty sure she’ll have a book in a month talking about all the niggas she got and how she played them. So, my advice is you can’t make a ho a housewife. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she born to do: ho. Yeah. HO. Punk bitch.”

That’s funny. That’s pretty much the same thing my mom said to the first serious boyfriend I brought home to meet her. And I really hope someone translates Snoop’s advice into grunts and snorts so that Kris can actually understand it.

via THR

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