Last night’s Bruno Mars Appreciation Ceremony, er, the Grammy Awards was chock full o’ boring ballads, but one part kind of brought out the funnies and it was a skit involving musicians reading Fire And Fury (the book by Michael Wolff about all the allegedly crazy and stupid shit going down in Trump’s house). Everyone from Cher to Cardi B took turns reading about Trump’s love for McDonald’s and maniacal ways, but the “surprise” reader at the end was Hillary Clinton. Trump’s supporters naturally lost their minds seeing their favorite punching bag take time away from Cardi B’s gift of sound effects. Continue reading
And they said it wouldn’t last! The love affair between Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart is showing no sign of stopping. The unlikely duo first met when felon and lifestyle maven Martha Stewart had rapper and weed connoisseur Snoop Dogg on her show to make mashed potatoes back in 2008 (thanks, Obama!). From that moment on, the two realized they had a mutually beneficial relationship playing off each others personas. After Snoop’s first appearance on Martha’s show, she took to her blog to break down his now signature wordplay for her audience in the waspiest way possible. (Via Revelest):
“He and his posse add ‘izzles’ onto the ends of words. It’s kind of a code, or a way of communicating so that others won’t know what they’re talking about. Example: fo shizzle is how they say, for sure.”
Snoop and Martha’s mutual admiration society held strong after that, and in addition to having Martha as his Spades Partna 4 Lyfe (presumed), they have a cooking show on VH1 called Martha and Snoop’s Potluck Dinner Party (confirmed). They’ve just released a promo for season two, which is an homage to the sexy pottery wheel scene in Ghost, and things get messy. A chocolate cake. A reach around. Finger sucking. Whatever the sexual/sociologically acceptable term is for poo play. It’s all there. And I’ve got to be honest, it’s made me curious. I might actually have to tune in now. Thanks Snoop and Martha!
Somewhere in between telling his spying microwave that he’s got its number (hussy) and allegedly dropping a manila envelope marked, “Trump’s Tax Forms! Not From Trump!”, into a reporter’s mailbox, Donald Trump found time to shit on Snoop Dogg over a music video. Because, you know, that’s a great way for the President of the United States to spend his time.
Variety reports that my dreams have come true, because Snoop Dogg and his fancy lady friend Martha Stewart are doing a show together. VH1, a network that already won my heart ten times over with excellent reality TV programming such as Rock of Love and I Love Money, has ordered an unscripted series starring Martha and Snoop tentatively titled Martha & Snoop’s Dinner Party. The show will feature Martha and Snoop hosting dinner parties every week for a bunch of famous guests. Somewhere Khloe Kardashian is like “Hey guys, if you need any advice or tips on how to do that, feel free to gimme a call! I can talk any time! Schedule is totally open!”
Based on my truly rudimentary knowledge of Sweden, it is my understanding that Sweden is a magical land of easy-to-assemble furniture, wacky eye-less puppet chefs, and rivers filled with delicious red candy fishes. And today I learned it’s also the sort of place where Snoop Dogg can get arrested.
TMZ says that Snoop Dogg found himself on the receiving end of a pair of whatever the Swedish word for hand cuffs is (Google translate tells me it’s “handbojor“, which is all kinds of terrific) on Saturday after police suspected him of driving under the influence of narcotics. Snoop had just come from a show in Uppsala, Sweden, and was showing signs of being a mess on the road, so police pulled him over and took him to the police station for a drug test. He’s currently sitting in Swedish jail. However, Snoop Dogg has called bullshit on the DUI and thinks he was pulled over by the police because he’s black. Snoop documented his arrest in a series of Instagram videos, and he says in one of them that the arrest was nothing but an act of racial profiling.
He also claims that they “didn’t find shit” during his urine test. A spokesman for the Swedish police threw a side-eye at Snoop’s claim of racial profiling and told TMZ “We don’t work like that in Sweden.”
The police tell TMZ that it will take two weeks to get Snoop’s drug test back. I don’t know how Swedish law works, but does that mean Snoop will be in Swedish jail for the next two weeks? I can’t even imagine what Swedish jail would be like. I bet they punish prisoners by forcing them to build an IKEA media center without the instructions while listening to “Waterloo” on repeat.