Category: Slow News Day

Tommy Lee Brags That His Wife Is Totally Organic

June 19, 2019 / Posted by:

Legend has it that one time when Tommy Lee was vacationing in Vancouver, the 460-foot  Capilano Suspension Bridge collapsed, leaving many people unable to get to the other side. Tommy simply shrugged, pulled out his life-saving dick, lasso’d it to the other side, and accepted warm hugs of gratitude from the people who safely got across by walking on his temporary bridge dick. So, you’d think that a dude with a big dick wouldn’t feel like he has anything to prove, but even big dick-havers feel like they have something to prove for no reason. Case in point: 56-year-old Tommy Lee posted a picture of his 32-year-old wife of 4 months Brittany Furlan in a two-piece, and let us all know that she’s so natural, organic, and grass-fed that even Gwyneth Paltrow would eat her.

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Noah Cyrus Says Dating Lil Xan Was A “Mistake”

November 19, 2018 / Posted by:

And now for some news that proves that Thanksgiving week only gives us the most important stories…

When it comes to shocking break ups where everyone assumed the couple would be together forever, many names come to mind.  Of course the most recent would be Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson, but a classic would also be Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.  Another, less publicized but equally epic in terms of it’s love story, was the short-lived whirlwind romance of Noah Cyrus and Soundcloud rapper Lil Xan.  The two of them broke up back in September, shocking the world and making Cupid hit the bottle hard as he tried to drown his sorrows of another star-crossed romantic failure.  Well he better get himself another bottle of vodka, because Noah is putting a nail in the coffin of her once true love, saying that it was all a “mistake”.

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Happy Friday, Here’s Taylor Swift Face Planting On A Treadmill

April 1, 2016 / Posted by:

Not even a year ago, Taylor Swift was telling her squad, “Don’t even look at that shady whore Apple when she comes through the cafeteria,” and now they’re all the way up each other’s culitos. Tay Tay and Apple continued blowing air kisses up each other’s b-holes today by releasing an ad for Apple Music where she gets on a treadmill and raps to Drake and Future’s “Jumpman.” When you listen to Taylor rap, you’ll know who taught MH Weibe how to flow. Tay Tay also gave everyone a special gift when she busted out a moment that will probably become one of the GREATEST GIFS OF ALL TIME (sorry, KanyeShrug.GIF). “Taylor’s” (read: Taylor’s body double’s) face eats rubber at the very end:

Never mind that Taylor looks like the shush baby of Anna Wintour and an inflatable sky dancer, she may get a taste of her own “sue a bitch” medicine thanks to this Apple Music commercial. I mean, the whole “prove that you’re oh-so-quirky and oh-so-real and omg-relatable by falling on the floor” is Jennifer Lawrence’s copyrighted trick!

Elizabeth Olsen Vs. A Gust Of French Wind

July 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Wind truly is the shameless pervert of the weather world. It’s always blowing up skirts and blowing against the crotch parts of pants. Sure, rain makes everyone look like they’re starring in a low-budget wet clothes fetish porno, but at least rain helps flowers grow. Wind does nothing but embarrass you. Case in point, Elizabeth Olsen at a Miu Miu fragrance launch in Paris on Saturday. Chris Evans’ secret on-set girlfriend showed up wearing a dress from the Shirley Partridge Collection, and it only took about three seconds in front of the paps before that sleazy creep came and blew up her dress. Inappropriate, wind!

Thankfully, Elizabeth brought a pussy-hiding purse with her and she was able to push her dress back down. Still, she might want to take a cue from The Queen and fill her skirt hem full of weights next time. And yes, there will be a next time – there’s always a chance that a no-good skirt-flipping gust of wind is lurking around, ready to pounce and expose your down-lows. The wind is the Joe Francis of the meteorology world.

But if Elizabeth really wants to get back at the wind, she could always ask her pocket goth older sisters, the Olsen Twins, to put a curse on it. What am I saying? They probably already have beef with the wind. One strong gust, and they’re blown thirty feet into the air like two plastic bags.

Here’s more of Elizabeth at the Miu Miu event, as well as Kate Moss, Amber Heard, the Gyllenhaal-Sarsgaards, and Sally Draper.

Pics: Splash/INF

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