The shady boys in the Scientology Celebrity Centre bathhouse are going to be busy today, Photoshopping David Miscavige behind Tom Cruise in that screen shot.
Filming on the 984th Mission: Impossible movie, now called Mission: Impossible – Fallout went on hiatus for a while last year after Tommy Cruise fucked up his ankle during a stunt gone wrong. Video of Tommy making Leah Remini cackle by cracking his ankle made the rounds last year, but on The Graham Norton Show, he shared a slow-mo close-up clip of that mess. M:I – Fallout doesn’t come out until the summer, but Tommy, Rebecca Ferguson, Henry Cavill and Simon Pegg were on Graham Norton to sell that shit extra early.
The minion who told Tommy that he didn’t need to wear his lifts for this stunt is probably sitting in a cell at Gold Base. Because if Tommy wore his all-mighty lifts, the building would’ve broke, not his ankle. You can practically hear the Thetans screech when it breaks.
A bitch IS Tommy Cruise spending a mountain of money and zillions of hours to become a high-level Scientologist with superpowers, and yet he still breaks bones like us mortal peasants. The Scientology slaves who feed grapes to Tommy as he lounges on his throne better start dipping those grapes in some crushed Boniva.
The upcoming Star Trek Beyond already has some strikes against it. The most tragic one was when Anton Yelchin, who played Chekov, was killed in a freak accident last month. Other minor snags included the first trailer looking like shit, and Sia not exactly switching it up for Rihanna. And now “America’s Most Beloved Homosexual” (Richard Simmons has never officially come out) George Takei is shitting on the producers’ decision to make his old character Sulu gay in the updated franchise. Well, fellow Star Trek gay Zachary Quinto and actor/screenwriter Simon Pegg would beg to differ.
George was quoted as saying that the decision to make Hikaru Sulu (played by John Cho in the new version) gay went against Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry’s original vision and was “really unfortunate” Spock and Scotty would like a word, George.
Participating in the lip-synch contest on Wiener Wednesdays in the Scientology Centre bathhouse finally paid off! While on The Tonight Show to promote Mission: Impossible 5, Tom Cruise nearly cracked the Botox in his mouth area while mouthing the words to several songs during a lip-synch battle against Jimmy Fallon. The lip-synch battle was as spontaneous as a Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck photo-op. But who cares if Tommy Girl spent several days in a rehearsal studio with a choreographer and Beyonce’s lip-synch coach. It paid off, because he worked his mouth like a blow job queen 2 minutes before closing time at the glory hole. Tommy gave us performance, moves, face, emotion and hair flips while lip-synching to The Weeknd, Meatloaf and of course, “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin.” Serve it, Tommy!
As for Jimmy Fallon… Well…. I guess he tried. As soon as Tommy wrapped his fingers around that mic, Jimmy should’ve called it a night and sashayed away to the Interior Illusions Lounge to enjoy an Absolut cocktail. (I know the “Interior Illusions Lounge” is no more, but like Tommy and that mic, I’ll never let go.) Tommy easily won that battle and he did the boys in the Scientology Centre bathhouse proud!
And here’s Tom Cruise and his “Meg Ryan in Addicted to Love” hairstyle at the NYC premiere of Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation. I also threw in pictures of Alec Baldwin, Jeremy Renner, Simon Pegg Me and Rebecca Ferguson.
Earlier today, Simon Pegg became public enemy no. 1 with superhero nerds, comic-con enthusiasts, and basement-dwelling types after the Radio Times (via Daily Mail) published an interview with him where he took a giant radioactive dump on the superhero film industry. Simon, who you may remember as Scotty in those Star Trek reboots, claimed that society has been “infantilised” by our taste because we’re “essentially all consuming very childish things – comic books, superheroes.” He went on to add:
“It is a kind of dumbing down in a way, because it’s taking our focus away from real-world issues. Films used to be about challenging, emotional journeys or moral questions that might make you walk away and re-evaluate how you felt about…whatever. Now we’re walking out of the cinema really not thinking about anything, other than the fact that the Hulk just had a fight with a robot.”
Well, I guess Simon was tired of watching his inbox slowly get crushed to death by the weight of all the angry superhero movie fan emails, because he typed up an long-ass explanation and posted it to his website. Simon, who considers himself a pretty big nerd, wants you to know he didn’t mean that all superhero movies are dumbing us down, just some of them.
“The ‘dumbing down’ comment came off as a huge generalisation by an A-grade asshorn. I did not mean that science fiction or fantasy are dumb, far from it…The point of all this is just to get my position clear. I’m not out of the fold, my passions and preoccupations remain. Sometimes it’s good to look at the state of the union and make sure we’re getting the best we can get.”
“I’d like to know more about this A-grade asshorn, specifically where I can purchase one” thought every desperate horny slut reading Simon Pegg’s apology (don’t worry, I’ll let you know once I’m done searching the internet for it).
Even though what Simon says makes sense, Hollywood will never listen. Even the dumbest of superhero movies will still make a ton of money, so no matter how hard you holler about it, Hollywood will always be like “Sorry, you’ll have to speak up – I can’t hear you over the sound of all these dollar signs.”
Speaking of the Hulk fighting a robot, here’s Chris Evans as Captain America fighting what appears to be a robot during the filming of Captain America: Civil War.
TMZ delivered some truly devastating news this morning that has rocked the playground social scene of NYC. The grand dame of the Manhattan prep school scene has been tragically forced to give up her throne and move all the way to California. The private school girls of Manhattan are so lost today and they don’t know what to do. Is this season about wearing red quilted Chanel ballet flats with their school uniform or are they supposed to wear navy patent leather Louis Vuitton Mary Jane kitten heels with their school uniform? How can they go on without their queen to guide them? And of course, this is all Katie Holmes’ fault.
According to TMZ, Katie has pulled Suri Cruise out of NYC and has moved them both to L.A. Expect Suri’s Burn Book to have a lot more “like, yeahs” in it, because Katie bought a 6,000 square foot house in Calabasas, CA for almost $4 million. Katie wanted to keep the whole thing on the hush (read: she didn’t want those crazy whores at Scientology to find out) so she made everyone involved in the purchase of the house sign a confidentiality agreement and they agreed to pay $1 million if they violated that shit. Katie moved her and Suri back to CA, because she wants to get better movie roles and thinks she needs to be near Hollywood to do so. Katie also thinks that Calabasas is a good place to raise Suri.
Sometimes when Katie “thinks,” bad things happen (see: signing up for Jack and Jill and moving Suri to Calabasas). I mean, Calabasas is the home turf of the Kartrashians! Do they even have an appointment-only Lanvin Kids boutique in L.A.? Someone should go ahead and file a child abuse claim with the county before things go too far and what I mean by that is before Suri is forced to go to Dash to shop for a dress for her school’s 3rd grade winter ball. Wait, do private schools in Calabasas even have 3rd grade winter balls? What have you done Katie? What you have done???
Well, it could’ve been worse. Suri could’ve been forced to live with Tommy Girl.
Speaking of, here’s TG and his brown Ellen DeGeneres hair ruling the set of Mission Impossible 5 in Vienna, Austria yesterday.