I’m curious, does anyone know if it’s possible to jump the shark on yourself? Somebody get The Fonz on the line for a little clarification on the matter, because I’m trying to figure out whether Bebe Rexha just killed her blink-and-you-missed-it singing career or cemented herself on a track t0 mini-pop star status when she ripped her audience new assholes without lube at a pre-Grammy event on Thursday night. It’s a 50/50 proposition, right? Continue reading
Fresh off from collecting some coins for talking about Daughter Meghan to The Daily Mail, Thomas Markle is collecting some coins (I’m guessing… even though Piers Morgan claims he didn’t) for talking about Duchess Meghan to Good Morning Britain. Thomas dribbled out more of the same, like how Meghan isn’t returning his texts or calls (in her defense, it’s kind of hard to return a text from a number you’ve blocked) and has abandoned him as if he’s a geriatric dog who is “too old” to fly. Thomas pretty much said the same thing over and over again, and has become a media robot who spews “my daughter is ignoring me” followed by “now where’s my check?” on a loop. If his daughter did call him, he might malfunction, because what would he say to the tabloids over and over again now?
And a question that boggles my mind is: Why is Megyn Kelly Today still on?
Another question that boggles my mind is: Why do I still watch all four hours of Today including Megyn Kelly’s shit show hour?
Megyn Kelly has already pissed some people off by mouth-sharting out about how she thinks the slutty Handmaid’s Tale costume is okay because it’s for Halloween, and anything goes during Halloween. And on today’s show, Megyn Kelly and three white panelists (Melissa Rivers, Jenna Bush Hager, and Jacob Soboroff) talked about Halloween costumes that have been banned by a university. Megyn Kelly brain-burping up her thoughts about offensive Halloween costumes and cultural appropriation? What could go wrong! NBC executives were either in the control room getting ready to jump on the delay button in case she said anything dumb, or they were getting ready to slap the delay button operator’s hand away in case she said anything dumb because that show needs the attention. Definitely the second one.
It’s a damn good thing I’m not a woman looking for a good man, because my business card proudly states I’m a “Slut, Skeezer, Ho And Tramp-At-Large.”
Tyrese’s bald head has been firmly stuck up his ass for a while now. Tyrese thinks that the pile of mashed dumb in his head is a fountain of endless wisdom and enlightenment for women. Tyrese even wrote a relationship advice book with Rev Run and they hosted a talk show based on their book (the show got canceled). Some of Tyrese’s “greatest hits” include the time he said that Amber Rose dresses in a way that invites groping and that real men don’t take women with fake hair and silicone chichis seriously. Tyrese is back, and this time he’s telling women that God will send you what’s yours if you know your value (read: don’t pass that snatch around). Tyrese also thinks that sluts, skeezers, hoes and tramps (read: Dlisted’s main demographic, I love you) are lowering their value and partly because their coochies have a lot of miles. Don’t believe Tyrese about the coochie mileage thing? Check your coochie’s Kelley Blue Book price!
GOOP is at it again. Dr. Goopy Paltrow recently got a whole lot of shit thrown at her when she claimed on Instagram that sitting in a hot sauna will flush the flu out. Some medical experts said that while sitting in a sauna may help you flush out the insufferableness that fills your system when you read Goop, it’ll probably make your flu worse. Goopy got even more shit thrown at her again when Goop queefed out a cloud of cold steam in the form of a post about how wearing an underwire bra can lead to cancer.
If you can’t with Kanye today, just let the hipster lumberjack behind him express your thoughts and feelings for you so you can keep it moving. And no, I don’t know if that’s stretched-out pizza dough or a big cum web on Kanye’s body.
Kanye West must not know who Tommy Hilfiger, Ralph Lauren, Yohji Yamamoto and Robert Cavalli are, because he thinks it’s hard out there for a straight dude in the fashion world. Kanye did a 2-hour long interview for SHOWStudio’s “In Camera” series (via HuffPo) and strangely enough, after 25 minutes of listening to him talk, the interviewer didn’t bang her head against the floor until her skull cracked. She made it through the whole interview and was able to ask Kanye about ~fashion~. Kanye thinks that the fashion industry discriminated against him and not because he strolled on in there thinking he was the reincarnation of Coco Chanel and designed overpriced clothes that look like zombie rags. Kanye was discriminated against because he doesn’t like dick like that.
“I feel like I got discriminated in fashion for not being gay. In music, you definitely get discriminated in music if you are gay. It takes amazing talents to break down barriers. Everyone thought that when Frank Ocean dropped that it was going to be bad for his career. I feel like it’s so cliché to speak about him as it relates to this subject, but there are people who broke the ground and he broke the ground. The people that break the stereotypes make history.”
Oh, how I wish I was a fly on a wall in Givenchy’s offices, because I really want to see the look on Riccardo Tisci’s face right about now…