Please pay close attention to how Shonda Rhimes is standing in the above picture. That’s the “A bitch is ‘bout ta get PAID!!!” pose. Because even though she’s the best thing to happen to the ABC station since colorization. Shonda is packing her bags and taking her twisty brand of storytelling over to Netflix.
The last ballot I cast was in the election that saw Hottié McStud become Prime Minister of Canada, so I don’t get to vote in this one. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going on. I know one of the candidates is a dry Buffalo chicken tender in a suit. I know that the other one is Hillary Clinton. I also know that they’ve got to make a lot of money before the election, so they hold fundraisers. Yesterday, a fancy money-making lunch was held in honor of Hillary at the Los Angeles home of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel.
Working for Shonda Rhimes is no small feat of strength, perseverance and just shutting your damn dirty mouth! Ask just about anyone on any of her shows, but, specifically, Katherine Heigl, Patrick Dempsey and Isaiah Washington. Now it seems even their physical health is at risk. And when I say physical, I mean “physical“ wink wink.
The NAACP Image Awards happened in Pasadena, CA last night, and once again, grand master poser Taraji P. Henson melted the eyelashes off of hos left and right with her extra hot posing game. At the Golden Globes last month, Taraji took us on a journey with her poses. She was Scarlett O’Hara with the vapors. She was a shocked Norma Desmond. She was me whenever one of my friends get me a new butt plug for my birthday. She was everything and more. Taraji played it a little more subtle at the NAACPs last night, but she still posed like she was head of her class at Phoebe Price’s Community College of Exuding Raw Glamour.
Empire won a few NAACP Awards last night including one for Taraji for Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series. Taraji should’ve won another award for Outstanding Posing While Holding A Trophy Backstage At The NAACP Awards. Taraji served up intrigue and orgasm faces while posing with that award. She also gets extra points for making sure that we all got a good view of that trophy’s crotch. And I even love that she looked like a cross between Morticia Addams going to a daytime business meeting and a casual Magica de Spell.
Here’s a million more pictures from last night of everyone looking like they’re wearing dresses they bought at Windsor Fashions in the 90s. Well, everyone except for Cree Summer who looked like Pilgrim Pippi Longstocking on the right kind of acid.
I can’t read minds, but I’m sure both Viola Davis and Ellen Pompeo are both thinking: “Everything is good! So good! It’s good that she does the things she does! I love you!” Shonda Rhimes IS Anthony Freemont!
During a recent appearance on The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore to promote her book, The Year of Yes (which I’m sure will get turned into an insanely-successful TV show by ABC, because everything Shonda Rhimes touches turns to money), Shonda Rhimes was asked if she’s ever knocked-off a character because the actor was chapping her ass. Ha! I’m sure Patrick Dempsey could answer that for you. Or Katherine Heigl. Or any of the other actors who found a Notice of Eviction taped to the door of their trailer after an on-set fight with Shonda Rhimes. Shonda has said before that she has a “No assholes” policy when it comes to actors, so her answer isn’t exactly surprising.
“Yes, and I’m not naming names.”
If you really want to see Shonda’s face light up when thinking about all the hos she’s sent to the unemployment line, you can watch it here.
Shonda doesn’t name names, but if those “McDreamy is a McDifficult Bitch” rumors from the set of Grey’s Anatomy are any clue, then it’s probably him. Then again, maybe the whole “I’m not naming names” thing could be that it was some nameless background actor who asked to borrow $5 from Shonda Rhimes and never paid her back? Yeah, it’s probably Patrick Dempsey.
See, this is why TV world is so much better than the real world. In the real world, when one of your co-workers eats the last of your PopTarts from the staff room, you can’t do shit besides silently cursing them out at your desk. But in TV world, all it takes is a trip to the writer’s room with a post-it note reading: “…and then that snack-stealing asshole is abducted by aliens and never seen again.” Problem solved!
SPOILER ALERT if you haven’t seen this shit and plan on it. Speaking of, for those of you looking at this picture of McDreamy at the wheel and thinking “Wait, is this a spoiler?“, no! Of course not! He’s just swinging through the drive-thru at McDonalds for a 6-pack of nuggets and an extra large sweet tea.
Earlier in the week, a rumor started going around that Shonda Rhimes was planning a one-way trip for Patrick Dempsey on the Unemployment Express because he was acting like an entitled diva on the set of Grey’s Anatomy. Patrick’s character was half written out of the show by sending his ass to Washington D.C., but Washington was apparently not far enough for Shonda Rhimes, so Shonda gave Dr. Derek Shepherd the Poochie treatment by making him get into a car accident and killing his ass off the show. When someone is dead to Shonda Rhimes they are truly fucking dead to Shonda Rhimes.