You may be thinking that Dane Cook knocked up a chick 26 years ago without knowing it, and he was recently reunited with his secret 19-year-old daughter and here they are bonding over shakes. But that 19-year-old is singer Kelsi Taylor and she and 45-year-old Dane Cook are currently doing it full-time. I see that Dane is going from being accused of stealing a comedian’s jokes (Louis C.K.) to being accused of stealing another comedian’s (Jerry Seinfeld) dating habits by doing a teenager.
We’ve all heard the news that Trump made like the Walmart smiley and rolled humanity back by banning transgender soldiers from the military. Since we’re talking Trump and transgender issues, of course it was only a matter of time before Trump’s only trans cheerleader Caitlyn Jenner piped up with her thoughts on the matter.
Mika Brzezinski And Joe Scarborough Said That Trump Used The National Enquirer As A Weapon Against Them
Morning Joe co-hosts, Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough, were supposed to have today off for the long Fourth of July weekend, but they put their vacation off after the Overlord of the United States did what many respectable presidents have done before him: he dragged the looks of a news anchor on Twitter. I mean, we all learned in U.S. history class about the moment when George Washington took to the town square (the Twitter of its time) to talk about how the town crier got a shit face-lift. In an op-ed piece for the Washington Post and on Morning Joe, Mika and Joe responded to Trump saying that they’re both crazy and that he saw her at his New Year’s party and “she was she was bleeding badly from a face-lift.”
If you’ve got an elderly Fanilow in your life who never had a Gaydar™ installed in her body and thinks that your gay uncle’s longtime partner is his “roommate,” you may want to crouch in front of her while holding a catcher’s mitt as you tell her this earth-shattering news. Because this bombshell news may cause her heart to shoot out of her chest and you’ll need to catch before it hits the wall.
I mean, remember this:
And that was all the way back in 2006! So to quote the flambéed Ghoulie, “You, as in us, were Time’s Person of the Year when Time was highly relevant and at the top of its game. And now Jabba the Trump is getting our sloppy seconds. SAD!”
Oh, to be a fly on the wall at InTouch Weekly’s offices when the editors got the e-mail confirming that Lindsay Lohan is not pregnant just as they were about to hand Michael Lohan a money order in exchange for exclusive and real ultrasound scans of his knocked up daughter’s fetus.
Proving once again that Michael Lohan spews enough bullshit to keep Home Depot’s manure section fully stocked for decades, Dina Lohan confirms to TMZ that LiLo is not going to pussy burp out a giant freckle with a Russian accent in a few months, because she was never pregnant. LiLo was the first to start the pregnancy rumors by tweeting (and then deleting) about how she was knocked up. Michael Lohan later claimed that LiLo told him in a text that he’s going to be somebody’s grandpappy , but her friend Hofit Golan basically said to not listen to him. Well, Hofit was right, because it turns out that LiLo’s pregnancy was all just a regular Lohan-brand lie.