Category: Shit Shows

Amber Heard Calls For A Mistrial In The Johnny Depp Defamation Case Over “Improper Jury Service”

July 9, 2022 / Posted by:

After six long weeks of a Virginia courtroom filling with potent fuckery fumes wafting off of the Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard defamation trial, the jury mostly sided with Johnny and found that Amber did defame him in her Washington Post op-ed piece about being a victim of domestic abuse. Here I was thinking that the trial was a stage 10 landfill fire from beginning to end, but I may have been wrong. It may have been a disaster before the trial even began! Because Amber Heard’s legal team claims that one of the jurors who served on the trial was not the person who was actually called for jury duty and tricked the court. Now Amber’s lawyers want the verdict tossed out.

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Elon Musk Tried It But Miley Cyrus’ Mother’s Day Titty Shirt Stole The Show At “Saturday Night Live”

May 9, 2021 / Posted by:

For weeks, we’ve been threatened that Saturday Night Live was going to inject itself with massive amounts of potent insufferableness and it happened last night when Elon Musk finally hosted the show (while Aidy Bryant and Bowen Yang made a mental note to research the best dental implant surgeons in the area as they grit their teeth down to dust). Elon Musk hosted the Mother’s Day episode of SNL, which was fitting since while watching it, I asked myself, “Motherfucker, why you are watching this mess?”

But while Elon Musk got all the attention leading up to last night’s show, Miley Cyrus stole it from the beginning by working an extremely modest and demure chichis shirt as she yodeled out her godmother Dolly Parton’s song Light Of A Clear Blue Morning during a tribute to mothers. Maybe Miley wore that elegant Gaultier-esque (unless it IS Gaultier) white tit shirt because mothers = breastfeeding = deflated chichis? Or because she wanted to pay tribute to Dolly Parton’s iconic lily-white titty balls? Or she just wanted to snatch the spotlight from Elon? Or all of the above!

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Open Post: Hosted By Albuquerque’s Runaway Port-A-Potty

September 12, 2020 / Posted by:

Yep, that sounds about right. Roaring fires decimating thousands of acres of land, a global pandemic showing little to no sign of slowing down, and Trump continuing to Trump. Why not just add flying toilets to complete the shit trifecta that is 2020? At this point, could you really expect anything less? Literal flying shit…I mean, honestly, what took you so long, 2020?

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Johnny Depp’s Defamation Trial Against Amber Heard Has Been Postponed

September 12, 2020 / Posted by:

The messy, California King-sized bed full of human shit was the Johnny DeppAmber Heard marriage is going to release noxious fumes into the atmosphere for longer than anybody anticipated––at least five months longer, after Virginia Circuit Court Chief Judge, Bruce White, agreed to Johnny’s original request to have his $50 million defamation suit against ex-wife, Amber Heard, postponed due to his commitment to filming Fantastic Beasts 3. But not for that reason. And not because of Amber’s commitment, as she countered, to filming Aquaman 2. Instead, this judge claims that the reason he’s granting the move is because of COVID, and nothing else.

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Johnny Depp Has Asked For A Postponement On His Upcoming Trial Against Amber Heard So He Can Work On “Fantastic Beasts 3”

September 1, 2020 / Posted by:

The mudslinging between Johnny Depp and his ex-wife Amber Heard only recently came to an end with the conclusion of his libel trial against The Sun, yet Johnny and Amber are scheduled to go another round in Virginia for his $50 million defamation lawsuit against her. And by mud I obviously mean human feces, allegedly extruded out of Amber’s very own sphincter. However, according to Deadline, Johnny has requested a postponement of his upcoming stateside trial so he can go to work filming Fantastic Beasts 3, a kids movie written by a woman obsessed with genitalia! You don’t get to call your ex an unfaithful, bed-shitting, gold-digging flappy fish market in open court for free. That shit takes Hollywood money!

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Corey Feldman Named Charlie Sheen As Corey Haim’s Abuser In His Documentary

March 10, 2020 / Posted by:

The online rollout of Corey Feldman’s TRUTHBOMB documentary (my) TRUTH: The Rape of 2 Coreys went about as smoothly as you’d expect. Corey’s been selling $20 tickets for weeks, promising exclusive access to watch a “live one-time worldwide event screening” which was supposed to happen last night. However, according to Corey, hackers and the nefarious entity he calls “the wolf pack“, were hard at work trying to prevent (his) TRUTH from getting out. It looks like nobody who paid money to see this was actually able to access the stream. However, according to Entertainment Weekly, the film was also shown “to a group of friends and members of the media” at a screening in Los Angeles, so we do know what was revealed. Which is not much that hasn’t already been out there for years.

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