Alexis Carrington And Shirley Partridge Are Fighting About Group Sex (UPDATE: Alexis Is Victorious!)
Before we get nipples deep into Alexis Carrington and Shirley Partridge’s foursome fluids, let’s take a moment to bow down to Shirley Jones’ style skills. Yes, she’s a goddamn whore mouth lie-teller (more on that in a second), but she knows how to put together a glamorous ensemble. Mixing a rhinestone necklace with a Land’s End fleece jacket is the look and more.
Shirley Jones is out there peddling her memoirs and she knows that the easiest way to get people to put their eyes on her book is to write about the adventures of Mrs. Partridge’s pussy. (Or is it, “the easiest way to get people’s eyes to fall out of their head“? I get the two confused.) Shirley’s book is filled with a few stories about the sex stuff she got into over the years and in one chapter she writes about how her vagine almost ran into Alexis Carrington’s precious jewel box. Shirley claims that long before Joan Collins became everybody’s idol Alexis Carrington, she met her in the 1960s. Shirley and her husband-at-the-time Jack Cassidy had dinner at Joan’s house. After dinner, Joan’s then-husband Anthony Newley subtly suggested that they cleanse their palates on each other’s naked bodies. Shirley writes that Anthony suggested that they all get naked and watch porn together and “it was clear what Tony was leading up to — swinging.” Shirley says that she and Jack turned their invitation to Four Way Fuck Town down.
Joan is about to slap Shirley Jones and beat her ass in a fountain, because she says that the whole thing is a lie. According to TMZ, Joan’s lawyers sent a cease and desist letter to Shirley demanding that she stop selling the book since it’s full of lies. Shirley spat on Joan’s threat and isn’t pulling her book out of stores since she claims she only wrote the truth.
It goes without saying, but I am always on Team Alexis. But this time, I am really on Team Alexis. Shirley’s little story doesn’t even make sense. Shirley is trying to make us believe that her husband said “no, thank you” to Joan Collins’ lusciously smooth sex goddess body? It’s as if a Pop-Tart ice cream sandwich from Carl’s Jr. landed on my lap and I said, “I don’t want to put my mouth on that today, sorry.” It just doesn’t make sense. No me can resist a Pop-Tart ice cream sandwich and no man, gay, straight or bi can resist Joan Collins! That’s the most slanderous part of Shirley’s obviously fake story.
Get that bitch, Joan. Get her for trying to ruin your reputation.
UPDATE: TMZ says that both Shirley and her publisher realized that they are no match for the most powerful woman in the world Alexis Carrington and have decided to erase the Joan story from the e-book and it won’t be in future reprints. Joan told TMZ, “We all make mistakes. I’ve made a few myself, but not with Mrs. Jones. I’m a serial monogamist.”