Sherri Shepherd has finally scored a few points against her ex-husband Lamar Sally at his get-money game. Last month, Lamar went to a judge and asked for more child support money for Lamar Sally Jr., the 2-year-old surrogate-carried son that Sherri has tried repeatedly to legally wash her hands of. Lamar was getting $4,100 a month for Lamar Jr., but once he found out that Sherri might have gotten herself a higher-paying job, he decided he needed more. Lamar didn’t say how much more he needed, but it doesn’t matter, because he’s not going to get it.
There it is, the more obvious headline I’ve ever written, because of course Sherri Shepherd’s grifty ex-husband Lamar Sally wants more child support money. That’s like saying a dog wants to sniff more dog butts.
Welcome to 2016, Sherri Shepherd’s extremely-messy surrogate baby custody situation. The last time we checked in on Lamar Sally, Sherri Shepherd’s shameless ex-husband and father of the surrogate baby they had made while they were married, he was still cashing child support checks from Sherri to the tune of $4100 a month. The baby named Lamar Jr. was made with Lamar’s sperm but not with Sherri’s egg. Just in case you forgot, this was a baby Sherri didn’t want and tried really, really hard to walk away from. Basically, it was a goddamn mess. Apparently it’s going to keep being a mess, because a judge has ordered Sherri to keep those child support checks coming.
Page Six says that Sherri was in a Pennsylvania court earlier today to appeal a ruling that declared her the mother of Lamar Jr. Sadly for Sherri’s checking account, a judge took her appeal and dumped it in the trash. Apparently, the lower court ruling in Sherri and Lamar’s case is the first to declare surrogacy contracts binding in Pennsylvania. So unless she can find a dictionary that defines the word “binding” as “involving an obligation that cannot be broken unless you beg really really hard“, then she’s out of luck.
As for Sherri’s relationship with the child she’s spending $49,200 a year on, Lamar Sally’s lawyer says she has never seen him. I know the judge legally declared that Sherri is Lamar Jr.’s mommy, but technically it sounds more like a Tooth Fairy situation. I mean, she’s a lady who Lamar Jr. has never seen who magically makes money appear. Except she doesn’t get any teeth out of it. And she could probably use some new teeth, since I bet she grinds another layer off her own every time she writes one of those $4100 checks.
In case you’re following the revolving door that is The View, ABC announced today that Joy Behar will make her triumphant return and joining her next season will be Candace Cameron Bure and Paula Faris of Good Morning America Weekend. Starting in September, those three will sit next to Whoopi Goldberg, Raven Symone and Michelle Collins. I also heard that ABC is going to replace the table with a cage, so that none of them can escape as they eat each other alive.
Last month, there were rumors that DJ Tanner and Paula Faris were in talks to join The View full-time. Producers wanted Paula, because she’s a news person and they wanted DJ Tanner, because their mouths salivated over all the attention they got for a clip of her and Raven fighting about a lesbian wedding cake. There was also a rumor that producers were trying to get Joy. Joy admitted that she was in talks, but said that a deal fell through, because producers refused to give her more power and a bigger role. Either Joy was lying or the producers eventually gave her what she wanted.
As expected, the producers have also put together a group of subs who will fill in whenever a regular is out. That group includes Sherri Shepherd, Stacy London, Molly Sims, political commentator Ana Navarro and Padma Lakshmi.
To those of us who still watch this wreck, are we taking bets on who will be out first? I’m going to go with Joy and Raven. Their heads will pop off as soon as DJ Tanner opens her mouth while discussing Christian persecution.
And there comes a time in every American woman’s life when she becomes a co-host on The View. I’m going to call my mom now and congratulate her about being named a co-host on The View and when she says, “But I’m not,” I’ll say, “But you will be….soon.“
“And now for an impression of my greedy handout-seeking ex-husband.”
Sherri Shepherd is now officially divorced from her questionably-employed gold digger husband of almost three years Lamar Sally. Unfortunately, she’ll still be reminded of him every month for the next 18 years. TMZ says that Sherri and Lamar have settled their custody battle over the surrogate baby Sherri tried to walk away from. Sherri has agreed to pay $4,100 a month in child support for Lamar Sally Jr. until he turns 13, at which point Sherri has to start forking over $4,600 a month. In total, Sherri is looking at saying sayonara to about $920,000. That sound you just heard was Lamar Sally Sr. yelling “Ka-ching!” while pretending to pull the handle on an invisible slot machine.
But Lamar may not want to celebrate just yet. TMZ says there’s a legal loophole Sherri will try to shimmy her way through in order to avoid paying him. Remember when Sherri claimed Lamar was a “fraud” who only wanted that surrogate baby for the child support cash? She can pursue that fraud claim, and if a judge decides that Lamar was being a fraud, she won’t owe him a damn dollar.
Of course, because we’re talking about Sherri Shepherd and Lamar Sally, the drama doesn’t end there. Sherri and Lamar put some embryos in storage when they were still together, and Lamar might try to get them unfrozen. Technically, Sherri wouldn’t have to pay child support for those babies. “Technically? I’m always up for a challenge” thought Lamar Sally, before he called up Nick Loeb and asked to borrow some signs.
Usually when you’ve just gone through a messy public paternity battle with your shady ex-husband over a surrogate baby that you were trying really really hard to get rid of, typically the last thing you’d want to do is make a joke about getting rid of one of your kids on television. However, thinking hasn’t always been Sherri Shepherd’s strongest skill, and when she appeared on The View yesterday, she burped out a joke that made everyone sort of stare at the floor and think “Well, this is awkward.”
During the round-table cluck fest that is the Hot Topics segment, Raven-Symoné admitted that she really wants a baby in her life. Sherri, who was back as a guest host because…I have no idea why, responded by saying “Girl, I got one or two you can have of mine.” That sound you just heard was Lamar Sally gleefully whipping out his calculator and trying to figure out just how much child support money he’d make off Raven’s Cosby Show residual checks.
Of course, Sherri realized what she did and started to back-pedal on her joke by blabbering something about how women with kids are always offering up their kids to those without. Meanwhile, Baby Lamar Sally Jr. is already rolling down the street on one of Sherri’s sturdiest wigs glued to a set of roller skates like “Jokes or not, I’m going to live with That’s So Raven.“