Back in October, X Factor UK judge Sharon Osbourne exited her job with a delicate Facebook post explaining that she thought the show was in good hands and they’d be fine without her. It was interesting timing seeing as shortly before her announcement, she referred to the show as “fucking karaoke” and the contestants as “little shits” in a Howard Stern interview. Well, Sharon’s now saying she didn’t quit – she was fired. She’s also claiming that X Factor UK producer and hirsute heartthrob Simon Cowell axed her because she’s too old to be judging fucking karaoke sung by little shits.
Variety is reporting that Ozzy Osbourne has been set-up in the hospital because of a bad case of the flu. Damn girl, this is why you get the flu shot! Or, like me and all the other ethnic people I know: drink tons of lemon and ginger tea. (It works, girl.)
Considering he has led a life that involved taking a chomp out of a bat and not exactly always being the best-behaved husband to Sharon Osbourne, I figured if Ozzy Osbourne ever died it’d be in some wacko reason – likely caused by Sharon or that bat’s offspring in a quest of Kill Bill revenge. Alas, Ozzy has trucked along for a while, but he did have a life-threatening scare recently – caused by the neighborhood manicurist.
In a move which I find highly relatable, Sharon Osbourne ditched The X Factor UK because she can no longer stand the sound of singing children on it. Me too, girl. Although, wave the kind of money at me that Sharon was probably making and the jackpot sound of a slot machine would drown out the annoying sound of those singing children.
I can’t be sure, but based on Sharon Osbourne’s recent confession about her sex life, I want to believe Ozzy Osbourne is leaning in and asking: “Oi Sharaaaan, I heard it’s National Punctuation Day. So can I comma in your colon tonight or what?”
Things appear to be getting back to normal on The Talk after the drama of Julie Chen’s recent exit, and by “normal,” I of course mean diving into the deep end of Sharon’s personal life with her husband.
Dirty diapers are a known killer of marriages. Child of celebrity and former reality TV moppet Jack Osbourne, 32, and his wife Lisa, 31, are divorcing. The Blast reports that Lisa filed on Friday and cited “irreconcilable differences” as the reason. At least she was gracious and didn’t just type “in-laws.” Seriously, imagine having to hang out with that family? Sister Kelly Osbourne’s overly mouthy, you can’t understand a word father Ozzy Osbourne says, and family matriarch Sharon Osbourne sent feces to the people she doesn’t like via the US Postal Service. Scratch that. Hanging with Sharon might be fun. She seems feisty.