Shit That Doesn’t Make Sense: A “90210 ” Revival Without The Queen Brenda Walsh

Late last year, news about yet another Beverly Hills, 90210 reboot/revival/whatever was burped up when Jennie Garth, Tori Spelling, Ian Ziering, Jason Priestley, and Brian Austin Green were papped getting coffee in between laughably pitching to networks. I say “laughably,” because I can only imagine how raw the vocal cords of network executives got as they laughed uncontrollably while Jennie and company seriously pitched a 90210 reboot without The Forever Queen of 90210 that is Brenda Walsh. 90210 without Brenda Walsh is like broccoli without mayonnaise. It’s boring, bland, and nobody wants it. And like broccoli with mayonnaise, if you don’t like Brenda Walsh, you obviously have no taste and don’t know what you’re talking about!

But I guess FOX needed a tax write-off, because they bought the 90210 reboot that will be 100% Brenda-less.

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Open Post: Hosted By Amal Clooney, Rande Gerber and Cindy Crawford In Disco Drag

On Friday night, Casamigos tequila threw a 70s-themed Halloween party in L.A., and Amal Clooney, Rande Gerber and his wife Cindy Crawford fanned the flames of those swingers rumors by doing themselves up like a bunch of coked-up suburbanites going to a key party. Actually, Amal and Rande look like they’re about to drop their faces onto a pile of the white shit at their neighbor’s key party, while Cindy Crawford looks more like Joan Crawford on a cruise to Rio.

But the real surprise here is Rande Gerber. Like Casamigos tequila, Rande has never done anything for me, but seeing him looking like an oven-roasted off-brand Rob Lowe Ken Doll as a 70s porn mogul makes me feel like I just butt chugged a bottle of Spanish Fly.

Tom + Lorenzo says that surprisingly, Amal’s Studio 54 costume didn’t come out of a plastic bag fished from the clearance costume section at Party City. Amal’s “costume” is a sequined designer gown by Halpern. A sequined Halpern jumpsuit goes for around $2,600, so I’m guessing that Amal’s costume cost about that much. Cheap, I know! It’s a good thing that Amal didn’t spend any real money on her costume, because it probably got ruined when George Clooney showed up to the party and cried out greasy bits of his ego all over it after learning that Suburbicon was going to flop.

Pics: Wenn.com

Shannen Doherty Isn’t Feeling The “Charmed” Reboot

The only reason to reboot Charmed is so actress Finola Hughes (who played the mom of the dopey witch-sisters) can grace primetime screens once more. Shannen Doherty probably saw that Finola wasn’t on any of the call sheets and told them to keep Prue Halliwell six feet under. Shannen is not on board for the proposed Charmed reboot. Continue reading

Shannen Doherty Says Her Cancer Is In Remission

Someone tell Jim and Cindy Walsh to bring some decorations down to Nat at the Peach Pit. A celebration is in order! Shannen Doherty says that she beat the shit out of cancer. You don’t eff with Brenda Walsh.

Shannen posted on her Instagram that she found out that her breast cancer is in remission. I think Shannen just imagined her cancer as a combination of Kelly Taylor, Emily Valentine, and that Valerie Malone chick (who thought she could replace Brenda) and just mentally slapped that amalgam over and over. Surely that helped her vanquish her illness.

“Moments. They happen. Today was and is a moment. What does remission mean? I heard that word and have no idea how to react. Good news? YES. Overwhelming. YES. Now more waiting.”

Shannen went on to explain that finding out you’re in remission is in no way the end of the battle. She really won’t be out of the woods, so to speak, for five years because reoccurrences can happen. She also has to meet with surgeons about getting multiple reconstruction surgeries. And there’s meds.

Decision on taking a pill for the next five years that comes with its own set of problems and side effects. I am blessed, I know that. But for now…. remission. I’m going to just breathe. #cancerslayer

Wouldn’t we all like to punch cancer in the face like it was a Nazi? Hopefully this means that Shannen will definitely be reprising her Heather Duke character for the Heathers reboot. She can now take over that shitshow and make it the one-Heather tour de force that it can and should be!

Pic: WENN

TV Land’s “Heathers” Reboot Is A Go

Shannen Doherty had damn well better be the lynchpin of this project. If they’re going to take my adolescence out back and shoot it in the head with this Heathers reboot, they better salvage all they can from the original version. And I don’t mean Veronica Sawyer with her annoying tendency to journal and her disingenous friending of Martha Dumptruck! I’m talking a red scrunchie back on Heather Duke’s head!

Deadline Hollywood reports that TV Land has definitely picked up the new Heathers, with a 10-episode order for next fall.

Heathers, TV Land’s first hourlong series, was originally developed and ordered as a half-hour pilot. It came in long, 38 min, and when TV Land brass found it nearly impossible to cut, they decided to make the series hourlong instead.

The show is going to be an anthology, ala FX’s Fargo, spotlighting different characters in different episodes. The core group of Heathers, however, appears to still be an overweight girl, a lesbian, and a gender-queer kid. Honestly, it won’t be Heathers without a quartet of snotty white girls, but I’m all for progress.

And yes, tv royalty Shannen Doherty will be involved. But, her involvement so far is mysterious!

Original Heathers cast member Shannen Doherty will guest star as a pivotal, unnamed character in the series.

So, obviously she’s going to be someone’s mother. Or the DJ who hosts Hot Probs. Either or, is fine.

Pic: TV Land

Shannen Doherty’s Husband Is Suing Her Former Management Team For Ruining His Sex Life, Among Other Things

Shannen Doherty’s cancer lawsuit against her ex manager wrapped up a few months ago and now it’s her husband Kurt Iswarienko’s turn to file his own.

Shannen, who is deep in a battle with cancer, sued her former management, Tanner Mainstain Glynn & Johnson, for causing her SAG insurance policy to be cancelled due to a missed payment. Shannen argued that during the time it took her to reboot her insurance, her cancer showed up. Kurt has filed his own lawsuit against TMG&J and TMZ says the details of his lawsuit are similar to Shannen’s. Except Kurt’s lawsuit brings sex into it, or rather his lack of sex.

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