Selma Blair plays Pimp Mama Kris in American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson. Pimp Mama Kris’ daughter Kendull Jenner is friends with fellow model Gigi Hadid whose mom is Yolanda Hadid (formerly Foster) who has separated from David Foster who is now apparently bumping wet parts with Selma Blair. I know that in Hollywood there’s six degrees of separation between all of the genitals of famous tricks, but Selma Blair and David Foster? Linda Blair and Jodie Foster would be less of a random couple than Selma Blair and David Foster.
David is a brand new single bitch after he and Yolanda announced in December that they’re over. Selma has pretty much been single since breaking up with the father of her 4-year-old son in 2012.
UsWeekly says that David and Selma were definitely on a date when they had dinner at Craig’s in West Hollywood last week. Again, it was DEFINITELY a date.
The meeting between the actress and estranged husband of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Yolanda Foster wasn’t just friends grabbing food; it was indeed a romantic date, a source confirms to Us Weekly.
“It was definitely a date!” a source tells Us of Blair, 43, and Foster, 66, taking in some alone time at the upscale West Hollywood eatery.
How does this “source” know that it was definitely a date? Did they bone on the table while waiting for their salads to come? Or did they push at their food while making awkward small talk about their dogs before Selma “forgot” she had the flu and ran off while promising she’ll call (when she knows she won’t). That’s how all of my dates go, anyway. Maybe it wasn’t a date at all. Maybe it was a business meeting. David could be producing a Lifetime movie based on his time with Yolanda called Lemons & Lyme: My Life With Yolo. And he wants Selma to play Yolanda since she was so good at playing that other privileged mess.
But I’m sure the “source” (read: an UsWeekly intern) knows it was definitely a date because Selma’s publicist told them so.
Here’s Selma giving you Studio 54 reject glamour at Chateau Marmont a couple of weeks ago.
FX’s promo schedule for Ryan Murphy’s latest camp extravaganza American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson has felt as long as that white Bronco chase on the freeway. For weeks, they’ve released teaser trailers and promo pictures, and today they finally put out the official trailer and it looks like it’s going to be a beautiful disaster. It’s pretty much looks like O.J. Simpson: The Telenovela.
The trailer has John Travolta looking like a barbecued Raisinet as Robert Shapiro, Cheryl Ladd delivering a world-class eyebrow situation as Robert Shapiro’s wife, Sarah Paulson doing her signature Sarah Paulson cry with two brown mops on her head, Cuba Gooding Jr. sounding like he needs four bags of throat lozenges, Selma Blair gossiping at Nicole Brown’s funeral as Pimp Mama Kris and David Schwimmer bawling in a car as Robert Kardashian. (He’s probably bawling in the car because he realizes he’s defending a demon and is married to a demon too). And there’s also Connie Britton as the morally corrupt Faye Resnick:
That’s pretty much just Connie Britton wearing a lipstick color that only existed in the 90s, but I’ll take it.
And I wonder who is playing the pivotal role of the jury forewoman who fucked up Orenthal James Simpson’s name while reading the verdict? Every time I see the name “O.J. Simpson,” I always read it as, “Orenjal James Simpson.“
Back in March, professional famous friend collector Taylor Swift was named the godmother of the baby growing inside Jaime King. And this weekend, she held up her end of the godmother deal by throwing a huge-ass baby shower and inviting all her famous friends to come and lavish attention on Taylor Swift…I mean, Jaime. It was totally about Jaime. I mean, it was clearly just a coincidence that Taylor got the coveted second-from-the-left spot in the picture above.
Just like Taylor Swift’s birthday party, Taylor Swift’s baby shower was packed full of famous people: Gigi Hadid, the Haim sisters, Hailee Steinfeld, Emma Roberts, Sarah Hyland and Joey King. Taylor also made sure to invite a couple of adults, like Jessica Alba, Nina Dobrev, Selma Blair, Diane Kruger, and Topher Grace, so that 36-year-old Jaime didn’t feel left out. Not present: Lorde and Ellie Goulding. Hmmm….
Taylor’s “I’m gonna be a godmother, bitches!” baby shower took place at Soho House in West Hollywood, which means that baby shower was already an expensive mess before the first exquisitely-wrapped present was placed on the gift table. And I’m sure all the best presents came from Tay Tay herself. Fuck a Bumbo and some burp cloths; that yet-to-be born baby probably took home a stroller glued together with the tears of her enemies, a framed plaque stating that a fancy breed of expensive cat has been named after it, the No. 3 spot on her best friends list, and the deed to a small island.
Here’s more from Jaime’s baby shower. There were so many famous people there, looking at the pictures is like playing Where’s Waldo, but instead of finding the dude in the striped sweater, you’re searching for the one non-famous normal person.
Ah, the unwanted piece of soggy white bread in an open-faced attention-yanking sandwich; truly one of the more awkward third wheel situations. If that uncomfortable non-smile on Reese Witherspoon’s face was any tighter, she could pressure-squeeze a dozen lemons and make a batch of lemonade for the thirsty bitches beside her.
Reese reunited with her Cruel Intentions co-stars Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair last night to watch that Cruel Intentions parody musical that Reese’s kids definitely have no interest in seeing, and SMG and Selma decided to make things weird for Reese by recreating their mouth-humping moment from the movie before the show. That’s nice, but what I really would have loved to see was Sarah Michelle Gellar walk up to a random usher and hiss “I don’t fuck losers.”
Honestly though, I can’t really roll my eyes at this, because I love Cruel Intentions and my heart won’t let me. Every time my brain starts to think “Okay you two“, my heart slaps it across its dumb brain face and screams “How DARE you! Show some respect you tacky tramp, that’s bitch legend Kathryn Merteuil you’re talking about.”
If only Reese’s drunk alter-ego Laura Jeanne Poon had something to say about all this. No, you’re right – she wouldn’t have to say anything. The dollar bills she’d be throwing at them while cackling “GET IT, GIRL!” would say it all.
Here’s more of Reese, Sarah Michelle, and Selma’s Cruel Intentions mini-reunion last night and thankfully they Instagrammed the hell out of it. I’ve also thrown in a couple pics of Reese Witherspoon subtly hustling a $155 tote bag from DraperJames.com while cruising around Beverly Hills yesterday.
I guess a rubber leech in a matted down Liza wig wasn’t available.
So much for the rumor that reality whore Lisa Rinna is going to play the dark priestess of reality whores. If Selma Blair’s family walks in on her playing with a Ouija board while chanting to Satan, they don’t need to scream for a priest and douse with her holy water. There’s nothing to worry about. She’s just doing research by talking to Lucifer through the Ouija board about his apprentice’s earlier days. Deadline says that Selma has been cast as Pimp Mama Kris in Ryan Murphy’s American Crime Story: The People vs. O.J. Simpson, which will air on FX next year.
Selma Blair as PMK just adds another level of WTF to the cast list which is already every layer of WTF. David Schwimmer is Robert Kardashian, John Travolta is Robert Shapiro, Sarah Paulson is Marcia Clark, Cuba Gooding Jr. is O.J. Simpson, Connie Britton is the morally corrupt Faye Resnick, Jordana Brewster is Denise Brown, Courtney B. Vance is Johnnie Cochran, Sterling K. Brown is Christopher Darden and Kenneth Choi is Judge Ito. They have yet to announce who’s going to play Kato Kaelin and Nicole Brown Simpson. Judging by the casting decisions so far, Nicole Brown Simpson will either be played by Jessica Lange or a blonde Angie Harmon. Kato Kaelin will either be played by Kato Kaelin in a Jennifer Aniston wig or a badly made Fabio wax figure.
This is actually pretty good casting. Selma kind of looks like a younger Pimp Mama Kris (“That is the meanest thing that anybody has EVER said to me” – Selma Blair) and if she wants to capture the true essence of PMK, all she has to do is wear money sign contact lenses and scream “Praise Satan!” every now and again.
I know that American Crime Story is only going to focus on the O.J. Simpson trial, but I hope they’ll do a flashback episode where they’ll show the making of the video that plays in the elevator going to the Ninth Circle:
And here’s PMK with her latest victim Corey Gamble and Big Sean at Wango Tango in Carson, CA this past weekend.