Warning: The following story will make you picture Justin Bieber going down on a girl. Please prepare your gag reflex accordingly.
The Weeknd must have finally gotten sick and tired of Selena Gomez’s jealous ex-boyfriend taking so many swipes at him, because it appears as though he might have finally slapped back. On Sunday night, Justin trolled The Weeknd by joking that Starboy is his favorite song. Justin is probably not laughing at The Weeknd’s latest song. The Weeknd appears on a song released earlier today by Toronto rapper Nav called Some Way in which he sings about getting with someone else’s girl. Around the 1:07 mark, he sings this lyric:
I think your girl, think your girl, fell in love with me
She say my fuck and my tongue game a remedy
TMZ says that fans are taking that as a slap to Justin Bieber.
I don’t want to speculate one way or the other, because this lame war between The Weeknd and Justin Bieber is a lose-lose situation for everybody involved. But I hope for Selena Gomez’s sake that The Weeknd’s lyrics are hypothetical ones. It’s just too depressing to think that she put up with Bieber’s bedroom laziness for as long as she did. If only there was a charitable organization out there called Save-a-Snatch that was dedicated to spreading awareness about sub-par oral skills, Selena might not have suffered so long.
In the real world, when adults see that one of their exes has started dating someone new, they might whisper, “Yeah, good luck with that,” to themselves before continuing to scroll through Instagram. Or they might just shrug, because who even cares. But since Justin Bieber hasn’t matured past middle school, he reacted to the news that his ex is getting railed by someone new a little differently. Shortly after Justin found out that his ex Selena Gomez was getting with The Weeknd, Justin puffed out his little chest and told paps that The Weeknd’s music was “wack.” Almost a month later, Justin is acting like a douchebag spurned again.
We already knew that Justin Bieber had no intention of going to the Grammys on Sunday night. But what did he do instead? He trolled The Weeknd on Instagram Live. Mashable says that it happened while driving around with a friend on Sunday night. Justin’s friend asks him what his favorite song is right now. That little shit-starter jokes that it’s Starboy, then laughs extra hard about it.
I wonder how long it took for Justin and his friend to come up with that sick burn? I bet they spent most of their time trying to decide between that, or having Justin’s friend ask him what part of the week he likes the best. “And then I’ll say the weekend! And then we’ll laugh! Oh my god, we’re so savage.”
Justin really thinks he’s really ripped a hot one there, but the joke’s on him. Starboy totally seems like the song Justin Bieber would play on repeat while watching himself flex his abs in a full-length mirror.
The Italian people had reason to rejoice this week. No, it wasn’t because The Young Pope is confusing the shit out of the silly Americans that are watching it. It was because Starboy-crossed lovers Selena Gomez and The Weeknd visited Italy as a couple. “Taking it international” is always the next item on the “Career-Boosting Contractual Celebrity PR Relationship” checklist. It follows “first, make those tongues wag by getting get papped together in public” and “then get your equally famous exes to whine about it via their publicists.” They appear to have skipped the “wear clothing that celebrates your love together” and “bring a photographer to capture your intimate walk on the beach” parts. Taylor Swift is gonna be pissed that you’re not following her established guide, Selena! Don’t forget that she’s the queen bee in this irritating celebrity relationships hive!
I don’t know about “wack.” I might go with “druggy.” Or “reminiscent of the deep depression that can occur with a terrible hangover.”
Justin Bieber isn’t content doing what your average toddler does – waiting for that damn Hatchimal to finally hatch while soiling his onesie. He’s got to insert himself into vapid celebrity love triangles that include his ex, Selena Gomez.
In vapid celebrity love triangle news, Bella Hadid is “bitter” over The Weeknd’s alleged relationship with Selena Gomez.
A source tells E! that the vacant-faced model has been crying into her bowl of lettuce foam over Starboy ever since she found out about their relationship, and lashed out at Selena by unfollowing her on Instagram. Trust me, Selena might have 107 million followers on IG, but she still feels it when she loses even one! Hit her where it hurts, Bella! (No one ever blames the man.)
Yesterday a source told TMZ that Justin Bieber thinks this drama-causing thing between The Weeknd and Selena Gomez is just Selena being Selena and hooking up with anyone she makes new music with. UsWeekly says Bella Hadid is co-signing that theory. Except she’s not just gossiping with her friends in the girls bathroom about it; she’s also warning The Weeknd about them. Bella truly is the Paul Revere of her generation.
Like Justin Bieber, a source says that Bella thinks Selena is the type to get involved on the job and Selena is reportedly recording music with The Weeknd. Apparently Bella has alerted her former boyfriend several times about the possibility of Selena using him. Several times! Bella is concerned. Sadly, The Weeknd hasn’t been listening to Bella’s warnings.
“Bella has reached out to Abel a few times and told him Selena is using him,” says the Hadid pal. “He thinks she’s just jealous and isn’t listening to her.”
Good effort Bella, but why does she think The Weeknd cares? I’ve listened to Starboy several times, and it made me want to walk through a Los Angeles pool party high on pills and find some emotionally broken person to have sex with while I contemplate my own existence. What I’m trying to say is, The Weeknd strikes me as the casual type who likes a girl with issues and doesn’t like to get too attached. If anything, Bella’s warning probably just made The Weeknd more into Selena. “So what you’re saying is, she’ll be gone as soon as the song is out? Great, thanks for the tip!”