“Ahahahahaha, I’m still laughing over this homely hag playing me in a movie. Hollywood is so weird!” – Tonya Harding in that picture.
About 23 years ago, Tonya Harding was down in out after she lost her figure skating career over her ex-husband and bodyguard hiring some goon to bust out her rival’s kneecap. But look at Tonya now! She’s happy and healthy-looking and standing next to a movie star at the big Hollywood premiere of a movie that would’ve never happened if she stopped her ex-husband and bodyguard from hiring some goon to bust out her rival’s kneecap. Tonya and the movie version of her, Margot Robbie, posed together at last night’s Hollywood premiere of I, Tonya at The Egyptian Theater. Tonya wore a dress from Cabela’s black label collection and Margot wore an off-brand Elvira Hancock from Scarface costume from Big Lots.
I, Tonya is getting a lot of Oscar talk, including some for Margot Robbie, which I don’t know why since Julie Brown gave the only Tonya Harding performance we need. But Allison Janney, who was there last night serving pure glah-moor in a gold-dipped caftan, is getting the most Oscar talk. As of now, it looks like the Best Supporting Actress Oscar race is down to her for playing Tonya’s abusive monster of a mom and Laurie Metcalf for Lady Bird. I hope that Allison picked up her caftan and ran off when Tonya whispered in her ear last night, “So, Al, I hear the Oscur is down to you and your rival Aunt Jackie. You know I know I guy….”
That’s not how nipple tassels work, ScarJo!
At the Hollywood premiere of Captain America: Winter Solider (“My winter soldier is saluting the Black Widow’s pregnant tits” – thousands of fanboys), ScarJo didn’t answer questions about the Dutch, Jewish, French fetus growing in the Shake N Bake bag in her body, but words are cheap when her growing chichis say everything. ScarJo is apparently 5 months along, so I’m guessing her fetus is hanging out in her tits right now and moving down south in the summer, because I look more pregnant than her right now. Yes, ScarJo’s pregnancy boobs are magnificent, but what in lace and tassel hell is she wearing?! She looks like a French widow who’s in love with her dead husband’s lawyer and so she sexed it up for the will reading. ScarJo’s wearing the losing look in a Project Runway challenge where the designers had to create a brothel madam business suit out of old French maid costumes.
I would’ve been all about this if those tassels were over her pregnancy nips and she twirled ’em throughout the night.
And if ScarJo’s misplaced nipple tassels aren’t for you, here’s also some pictures of Chris Evans’ luscious beard and Jeremy Renner looking like he feels the relief one feels after finally pooting out a stubborn doody bubble.