Category: Sean Penn

Sean Penn Wrote An Essay In Defense Of Bradley Cooper Not Getting A Best Director Oscar Nom

February 9, 2019 / Posted by:

#MeToo scholar Sean Penn has outed himself as a huge A Star Is Born (2018) stan. Judging by his op-ed protesting the embarrassed Bradley Cooper not being nominated for Best Director at the Oscars, he’s seen this movie 17 times so far and it’s made him believe in love again. In an op-ed piece for Deadline, Sean says that Cooper has a problem and that problem is that he made “the most successful contemporary love story of all time.” Damn. That’s some film love. That shit should be a quote on the poster with a profile picture of Sean done up as one of Lady Gaga’s Little Monsters.

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More About That “Charlize Theron And Brad Pitt Are A Thing” Thing

January 22, 2019 / Posted by:

Ain’t nobody got time to air side pieces during a normal divorce proceeding because that just screams, “Discretionary cash! Gimme half!

There were tabloid murmurs that Brad Pitt and Charlize Theron were casually doing it after meeting on the set of a shoot for Breitling watches (see: above) six months ago. But some people took that with a grain of salt since Brad is friends with Charlize’s ex, Sean Penn. Brad seems lucid enough these days to know so much as a sneeze in front of Sean can set him off, so I’d imagine he’d steer clear of boinking the lady Sean used to be boinking. Alas, we’re now at an impasse: some people say they’re definitely NOT a thing while others say they definitely ARE – but don’t want to make a deal out of it until he and Angelina Jolie are no longer legally bound.

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Leonardo DiCaprio Hosted A Fourth Of July Party With Sean Penn

July 5, 2018 / Posted by:

Most people agree the Fourth of July is a special day of pretending to enjoy your close family and friends while you get blitzed on cheap beer, avoid talking about politics, and politely ooh and ahhh over fireworks and how the hot dogs Uncle Biff grilled are almost as good as the ones at Costco. If you’re Leonardo DiCaprio, it’s just a regular ol’ day to preoccupy yourself with your go-to treat: boobs! Continue reading

Sean Penn Wrote A Really Dumb #MeToo Poem

March 28, 2018 / Posted by:

Dear readers, I’m sorry for insulting your intelligence by specifically stating that the poem is dumb, let alone really dumb. It’s Sean Penn. I’m sure you would have assumed a poem written by alleged wife beater Sean Penn about the #MeToo movement would be a misguided, tone-deaf mess without me telling you. Forgive me. With that being said, onto Sean Penn’s poem.

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Sean Penn Smoked On “The Late Show,” And Talked About Robin Wright’s Parenting On “WTF”

March 27, 2018 / Posted by:

As Joni Mitchell says “you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone” and that’s exactly how I feel about Sean Penn. There was a long dormant period when Sean was off doing his thing and we didn’t really have to hear about it but now he’s got this new novel to promote (serious question: How do you read while your eyes are rolling? Is it physically possible?) and he’s making the rounds with a little pig pen poof of American Spirit smoke hovering over his head. In addition to lighting up on stage while in an Ambien induced haze on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, E! reports that Sean was also a guest on the WFT podcast with Marc Maron and talked about ex-wife Robin Wright’s parenting style.

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