Kate del Castillo is an actress who accompanied angry riverbed Sean Penn on his quest to meet and interview internationally infamous drug lord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzmán. Sean’s reportedly trying to get Kate’s documentary about their trip (The Day I Met El Chapo: The Kate Del Castillo Story) taken off Netflix. The reason why? It might have something to do with Kate’s revelation to People that they were so horny after meeting El Chapo that they allegedly banged. Can you think of a more powerful aphrodisiac? Me neither.
E! News, People and TMZ are saying that Sean Penn and his ex-wife of seven years Robin Wright were seen together in NYC yesterday. Sounds normal. Sean and Robin left JFK airport together earlier in the day, and he was carrying her bags. Sounds normal too. Lots of people carry bags. They were later seen entering what E! News says is an apartment. Um…that’s uh…I’m sure that’s nothing.
— E! News (@enews) May 31, 2017
I can’t help but think of Alyssa Edwards while looking at that photo of Sean Penn. Girl, look how orange you fucking look, girl. Okay, back to what matters. Robin Wright has been single since she split from her two-time fiancé Ben Foster almost two years ago. Sean was most recently rumored to be with Vincent D’Onofrio’s 24-year-old daughter Leila George. But again, we don’t know why they were together and we don’t know if anything is up. One thing is for sure: Robin has the mental strength of steel if she can tolerate being stuck on a plane for several hours next to Sean Penn. You know he’s a real “rage over nuts” type of passenger.
Madonna – she’s just like us! Except for the wanting to remarry Sean Penn part. Her being married to that guy once was enough for me… he screams at the microwave to go faster and the dogs are afraid of him. Madge’s twerking her possibly new ass beside junior cat person Ariana Grande the other night was but one saucy delight amongst many at her Art Basel benefit. She also brought back her latest stage creation, the trampy ladyclown with the drinking problem, to raise money and troll President-elect Donald Trump with the inadvertent help of Britney Spears. By the way, that’s Madge in the pic up top. Lisa Frank isn’t coming out with a horror movie.
Yesterday, we all learned that 56-year-old Sean Penn is currently rubbing his chili-dusted poke chop body on Leila George, the 24-year-old daughter of Vincent D’Onofrio and Greta Schachi. Pictures came out of them touching mouths in Hawaii. And last night, Sean and Leila posed together at a LACMA event in L.A. At least, I think that’s Leila George. That totally natural ginger hair is throwing me off. Is it Ariel the Former Mermaid? Is it Angie Everhart? Is it Debra Messing? Or possibly, that IS Leila in a masterful disguise, which she wore because we all know that she’s getting on that sun-broiled daddy dick and she’s too embarrassed to show her true identity in public. You almost fooled us, Leila!
Ugh, why do I get the feeling that’s the same hand gesture Sean Penn makes when someone asks him if he’s dating another actor’s daughter. Just a lazy thumbs up followed by a smoker-voiced “Yeah, Sean Penn might be – wink.”
Mel Gibson and Sean Penn have a lot in common. They’d both kick a baby bunny in its b-hole if it winked at them funny. They both keep their skin rotisserie crispy by lying on an extra long, commercial-grade grill (it’s their idea of a tanning bed). They can both make a blood pressure machine explode just by touching it. So it was only a matter of time before they got together for something, only I figured that they’d get together to tag-team a pap. But instead of doing that, they may do a movie together. For the sake of that movie’s crew, I hope that craft services serves plenty of Valium pie, Xanax casserole, Lexapro stew and a soufflé fluffy enough for them to lay their face on and silently cry into.