It feels like every other day there’s a GQ Men of the Year Awards somewhere and I wonder if the world would continue to spin if GQ suddenly stopped giving dumb awards to famous men. Probably not, so they should keep on, keep on and they did in Sydney today.
Australia has many homegrown dudes that GQ could’ve honored, like Roger the Buff Kangaroo, but they imported a few pieces of American dude meat instead. They brought in Jon Hamm, Chris Evans and Scott Eastwood, who wore sunglasses on the red carpet, because he wanted to remind us that he’s got boiling hot used douche water running through his veins.
I’ll take Jon Hamm in any form, but he sometimes looks uncomfortable in a tuxedo. It’s as if you made Fred Flintstone wear tight pants and a suffocating shirt instead of the usual loose-fitting animal-print shift dress he always wears. The Hammaconda on the other hand… It’s always been a refined gentlepeen and I’m sure that underneath those pants, it’s wearing a monocle, a bow tie, a top hat and is delicately sipping on a flute full of champagne. The Hammaconda should stay in Australia to teach etiquette and manners to those Melbourne Cup messes. Jon Hamm can still come back to the U.S. Yes, the Hammaconda can stretch that far.
And here’s more pictures from the GQ Men of the Year Awards including some of Jai Courtney and ex-rapper, alleged celebrity and living Mannequin Challenge Iggy Azalea.
Earlier this month, professional cranky old man Clint Eastwood did an interview with his mimbo son Scott Eastwood for Esquire in which he proceeded to make like everyone’s loudmouth grandpa at an awkward family dinner by griping about “political correctness” and the “pussy generation.” It turns out Scott is proudly on Team No Pussies with his papa. And he has just as much to say about this generation of candy-ass coddled pussies as Clint.
Puppy-saving human Redwood tree trunk The Rock dropped a beautiful blind item on Instagram yesterday when he went in on a chicken shit actor (or actors) who pissed him off more than seeing a number higher than 7% on a body fat calculator does. The Rock is finishing up shooting the 133,459th Fast & Furious movie, and in his goodbye note on Instagram, he praised his lady-co stars and also praised a few of his dude co-stars before taking an angry shit on unprofessional candy asses. And when The Rock shits on you, it leaves a bruise, because his turds have 12-packs and biceps.
Scott Eastwood, son of the inspiration for “Old Man Yells At Cloud“, revealed to People that his agents advised him against appearing in Taylor Swift’s “Wildest Dreams” video from last year. Their exact words? “That vicious liar? If she tells you the time, you’d better find a clock anyway because LIES! Be sure you have Snapchat open so you can capture the receipts from that shifty-mouthed, side-walking Decepticon!”
In actuality, they were concerned about Scotty becoming visual arm candy for Tay Tay.
“None of my agents wanted me to do it, actually,” Eastwood revealed. “They said, ‘Oh, we don’t want you to do that! Why would you be Taylor Swift’s boy toy?’ And I said, ‘Why the hell not?'”
“Why the hell not? We’ll probably come to some sort of contractual dating agreement, and my name recognition will go sky high. I’m not wearing that tank top, though, because that’s way too #pussygeneration for me.”
Eastwood called the shoot a “fantastic experience.” It was probably a fantastic experience for his dad Clint Eastwood, too, because you know he tagged along to Botswana to shotgun as many endangered species as possible. Manly men used to be able to blow the heads off of creatures without all these whiny pussies getting upset.
You can watch the video below. Taylor was never in any danger of getting eaten by that lion because they don’t eat snakes.
As everyone knows from the stories and stories about highly esteemed thespian Jared Leto going full method to play The Joker in Suicide Squad, highly esteemed thespian Jared Leto went full method to play The Joker in Suicide Squad. Jared spent time with mental patients who had been institutionalized and tried to freak out his co-stars by sending them all sorts of *~OhSoCraZy~* presents like a live rat, bullets, a dead hog, butt beads, condoms full of cum, etc…etc… But well, a ton of reviews are out and some critics think that Jared beat a hog to death with cum-filled condoms (that’s how the hog died, right?) for NOTHING, because The Joker is hardly in Suicide Squad and he hardly comes close to topping Heath Ledger’s Joker.
Here’s PLENTY of pics of Scott Eastwood living the life on a Miami Beach yesterday. The young Eastwood (his dad is the guy who talked to the chair at the Republican National Convention back in 2012) ran that ass along the beach, took a cooling dip in the water, and chatted up the ladies.
Scott and his people worked HARD to make Scott happen. They worked “need an internal organ” hard. It seems to have paid off. Sure, he looks like your standard swimsuit model from a Target circular, but he’s in some pretty big movies. He’s in the next Furious Fast Cars flick, and Suicide Squad, and Ben Affleck’s next directorial effort which hopefully, for Ben’s sake, doesn’t involve painful 3-hour long scenes of murky superheroes in CGI capes rueing the day they chose to fight crime until Wonder Woman shows up for 10 minutes to steal this awful movie. Although, it wasn’t that hard to steal. I fell asleep somewhere around when Jeremy Irons was obviously hating himself for taking a role in this pile of shit and woke up around the time dumb-ass Amy Adams threw the Kryptonite spear in the water and then had to go back in after it five minutes later. What an emotional arc her character went on.
Check out more pics of Scott Eastwood’s body in Miami below.