If hopes and prayers were effective I would encourage the entire world to have a pray-in for young Sofia Richie. I know, I know, we have bigger things to worry about in #thesetryingtimes than where Scott Disick is currently hiding his Calabasas calabrese but these two are really out here doing the most. As far as fame-whoring goes, Scott is a master yet he’s managed to outdo even himself by creating a tummy turning public spectacle out of announcing he and Sofia’s “official” status. Sofia is practically a child and I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt here when it comes to bad judgement and lay this mess all at Scott’s feet, which I imagine are really gross with toes that are way too long and tan.
Last we heard from “sources,” Sofia Richie (pictured above at her 19th birthday party at The Ivy last month) and 34-year-old Scott Disick were most definitely doing it and couldn’t stop doing it, and now it looks like they’ve taken their blessed union, which will last forever, public by getting caught kissing by a paparazzo they totally didn’t call themselves.
Archetypal reality television prick Scott Disick is dating the formerly Bieber-adjacent Sofia Richie, according to People. Scott is 34 and Sofia turned 19 last month. And I thought Nicole was the Richie who (used to) make really bad choices (criminal charges, speaking to Paris Hilton, etc). And my apologies for what’s about to follow but Sofia herself say the two are just “homies.” Dear God.
Last month, every greeting card store in the world gathered up their supply of cards about love and began shredding them all. Because after hearing that the true love union between 19-year-old Bella Thorne and 34-year-old Scott Disick didn’t last, they couldn’t continue to push something that doesn’t exist. A quick second after Bella and Scott began bumping genitals, they went off to Cannes together. But HorSick was over as quick as they began and Bella ditched Scott in Cannes and flew back home. Sources (read: my imagination) tell me that when Bella tried to get back into the States, customs officials immediately shuffled her off to a CDC quarantine tent where she spent several days soaking in a hot ammonia and antibiotics bath. Once she was given the clear, Bella talked to Complex about the love of our time that never was.
The itchy-looking romance of our time appears to be over just as quickly as it began. 19-year-old Bella Thorne and 34-year-old Scott Disick’s casual hookup has been cut tragically short in its prime.
Thrush medicine’s new favorite sort-of couple Bella Thorne and Scott Disick left Los Angeles for Cannes on Monday, because they obviously needed to be where they could get the most possible exposure. Since arriving, they wasted no time in stealing a little attention away from all the other fame whores currently in Cannes. UsWeekly says 33-year-old Scott and 19-year-old Bella Thorne were seen “pouvez-nouille-ent” (that’s my attempt at translating “canoodling” to French) at a villa in Cannes yesterday.
— Us Weekly (@usweekly) May 24, 2017
That picture was taken after Bella and Scott jumped in the pool with their clothes on. After they got out, Bella stripped down to her swim suit, but I see Scott didn’t. Smart move on Scott’s part; there’s nothing unsexier than watching someone struggle to pull off a pair of wet jeans.
A source tells Entertainment Tonight the obvious:
“They’re just hooking up. It’s nothing serious. They have known each other for a while now.”
Scott was later seen alone at a club just down the street from the club where Kourtney Kardashian and her current boyfriend were hanging out. Scott is going to get in so much trouble when Kris Jenner finds out about that. He had the opportunity to be photographed “accidentally” showing up at the same club as his reason for relevance, with his latest reason for relevance, and he didn’t? The nerve! What’s the point of even going to Cannes if you aren’t going put in the fame whore effort? Honestly, Scott, I’m starting to think you don’t even want to start unnecessary drama anymore.