Last month, every greeting card store in the world gathered up their supply of cards about love and began shredding them all. Because after hearing that the true love union between 19-year-old Bella Thorne and 34-year-old Scott Disick didn’t last, they couldn’t continue to push something that doesn’t exist. A quick second after Bella and Scott began bumping genitals, they went off to Cannes together. But HorSick was over as quick as they began and Bella ditched Scott in Cannes and flew back home. Sources (read: my imagination) tell me that when Bella tried to get back into the States, customs officials immediately shuffled her off to a CDC quarantine tent where she spent several days soaking in a hot ammonia and antibiotics bath. Once she was given the clear, Bella talked to Complex about the love of our time that never was.
The itchy-looking romance of our time appears to be over just as quickly as it began. 19-year-old Bella Thorne and 34-year-old Scott Disick’s casual hookup has been cut tragically short in its prime.
Thrush medicine’s new favorite sort-of couple Bella Thorne and Scott Disick left Los Angeles for Cannes on Monday, because they obviously needed to be where they could get the most possible exposure. Since arriving, they wasted no time in stealing a little attention away from all the other fame whores currently in Cannes. UsWeekly says 33-year-old Scott and 19-year-old Bella Thorne were seen “pouvez-nouille-ent” (that’s my attempt at translating “canoodling” to French) at a villa in Cannes yesterday.
— Us Weekly (@usweekly) May 24, 2017
That picture was taken after Bella and Scott jumped in the pool with their clothes on. After they got out, Bella stripped down to her swim suit, but I see Scott didn’t. Smart move on Scott’s part; there’s nothing unsexier than watching someone struggle to pull off a pair of wet jeans.
A source tells Entertainment Tonight the obvious:
“They’re just hooking up. It’s nothing serious. They have known each other for a while now.”
Scott was later seen alone at a club just down the street from the club where Kourtney Kardashian and her current boyfriend were hanging out. Scott is going to get in so much trouble when Kris Jenner finds out about that. He had the opportunity to be photographed “accidentally” showing up at the same club as his reason for relevance, with his latest reason for relevance, and he didn’t? The nerve! What’s the point of even going to Cannes if you aren’t going put in the fame whore effort? Honestly, Scott, I’m starting to think you don’t even want to start unnecessary drama anymore.
I like how everyone in this picture is standing around looking at their feet, as if they’re completely mortified to be seen in public in such trashy company. Above, from left to not right, we’ve got 19-year-old apprentice celebrity mess Bella Thorne, her 24-year-old former actress sister Dani Thorne, and 33-year-old father of three Scott Disick. TMZ says they all boarded a plane together yesterday at LAX and headed off to Cannes. By the look of their outfits, it looks like Bella and Dani were flying high well before the plane left the ground.
Bella and Scott have been casually hanging out since last week, and now they’re in France together. Scott’s kids’ mom Kourtney Kardashian is also in Cannes with her younger boyfriend. I wonder how they explained their absence to their three kids? Actually, I bet Kris Jenner did it. “You see, your mommy and daddy have a very important job to do this week. They need to be seen acting like drunk messes in the same city at the same time with other desperate losers, otherwise they won’t get a story line for next season.”
Here’s more of everyone at LAX yesterday. There’s also pictures of Bella and Dani in Brooklyn on Saturday looking like a low-budget Edie Sedgwick impersonator getting kidnapped by Tinkerbell’s recently-paroled cousin.
Bella Thorne is Lindsay Lohan’s successor in meth (I meant to type “successor in messiness” but that works too) and Scott Disick is the Brandon Davis of our time (aka a glob of douche discharge that we’d all probably do and live to regret after getting our gonorrhea results from the free clinic), so these two train wrecks were bound to crash into each other. This is probably going to end with Scott calling Bella a “firecrotch” to the paparazzi as whoever is the Parasite Hilton of our time (Hailey Baldwin? The Cash Me Ousside Girl? jiffpom?) cackles behind him.
I don’t know for sure if that’s Blac Chyna’s face when she’s plotting her next diabolical move, but it seems like a completely appropriate reaction to the latest development in her fight against Tyga and Rob Kardashian.
Earlier this month, Chyna and Rob found themselves in the middle of an ugly custody battle. Most people don’t have the energy for one messy battle, but since Chyna thrives on drama, she’s gotten into a second one with Tyga. Chyna dragged Tyga on Snapchat, alleging he doesn’t pay child support. Now TMZ is saying that Chyna is afraid her kids’ fathers are teaming up to take her down. Don’t take it personally, Chyna – I’m sure they’re just taking orders from Pimp Mama Kris.
Sources tell TMZ that Tyga and Rob became close after Rob and Chyna’s relationship imploded. She now believes they’re ganging up and spreading lies about her. One such lie she heard was from Tyga. Sources say he was allegedly blabbing to his friends that Chyna called him recently and wanted to get back together.
TMZ says Chyna flipped out because that statement is about as real as her ass. She and Tyga rarely talk, and the only reason she called him was to demand he pay the nannies for their son, King. Tyga apparently misinterpreted the phone call and thought she wanted to talk about more than nannies (wink wink). Oh please, Tyga – YOU WISH. Literally the only reason anyone would call Tyga is to ask where their money is.
Here’s Tyga looking like a colorblind child who got dressed all by themselves while out shopping in Beverly Hills yesterday with Scott Disick.