Say what you will about Nicole Kidman’s taste in men and wigs (and let’s face it, beards), but I don’t think anybody would claim she’s a bad mom. In an interview with the Australian magazine with the delightfully shady title “Who?” (question mark my addition), Nicole finally discussed her relationship with her two eldest children with Tom Cruise; Connor Cruise (23) and Isabella Cruise (25). It is with much shame and consternation that I report I got touched in the feels (which I thought had all turned into a globule of See’s Peanut Brittle, which if you’ve never tried it, is totally worth exchanging for celebrity empathy) reading about Nicole’s thoughts on her children’s decision to go the way of L. Ron Hubbard.
The most iconic moment in TV history to me isn’t when we found out who shot J.R. It isn’t even the finale of M.A.S.H.or Friends. It’s when Tyra Banks still had her talk show and decided inviting Naomi Campbell on to discuss their feud would be a good idea. Rather than give in to Ty-Ty, Naomi spent most of the time scowzing (the scowling yin to Tyra’s smizing yang) and wondering what assistant she would be throwing her Blackberry at once the cameras stopped. Fast forward a few years, and Jada Pinkett Smith has basically turned that idea into an entire show.
Jada’s Red Table Talk is a show she co-hosts with her mother and daughter, and it’s a TMI extravaganza! From Will Smith dropping by to air out their marriage’s dirty laundry in front of their child and his mother-in-law to Gabrielle Union plopping down in a seat to discuss a 17-year feud none of us knew was a thing, the show has surprisingly been better than the community access TV-on-a-Flip-cam I was expecting. The new season is about to drop, and Jada is wadding balls deep into the Scientology pool to make nice with former foe and ex-Scientologist Leah Remini.
As everyone and their Thetans know, Anti-Scientology Warrior Queen Leah Remini has made a second career out of calling out the head bitches of the Cult of L. Ron Hubbard for the way Scientologists have been treated while in the group of L. Ro worshipers and after leaving it. Leah has really gone in on the Jesus of Scientology, Tom Cruise, and called him “diabolical,” said he’s untouchable in Scientology, and that he could easily bring down the Crazy Kingdom of E-Meters if he wanted to (which I’m sure he doesn’t since he’s probably addicted to the feeling of a thousand tongues up his Scientolohole). And now Leah’s saying that he could also rip Suri Cruise out of Katie Holmes‘ arms for talking to her.
Want to know the secret to a long and happy marriage? Just ask Jenna Elfman. She and her husband Bodhi Elfman have been married for 23 years, and according to Page Six, it’s because they’re both #thots4thetans. Jenna recently appeared on some talk show nobody’s ever heard of (People Magazine’s “Chatter”? Anyone? Didn’t think so. I thought if you boosted Scientology, they’d in turn boost your career) and proclaimed that she and Bodhi’s mutual love of Thetan scented candles and wholesale rejection of antipsychotics are what keep the romance alive. Or if not the romance alive, keep the contract valid.
What do you know, Thomas Markle is back at it, running his mouth off like his jaw has a lifetime warranty. Thomas recently took a break from dragging his daughter Duchess Meghan to rip on the Royal Family and compare them to a cult. And just think: it was barely four days ago when the Royal’s most recent worry about Mr. Markle was the thought of seeing one of their gardeners in a Thomas Markle original hoodie.
While most of us were slugging along yesterday morning, well into our second cups of coffee and having TGIF happy hour fantasies at the water cooler, Scientologist and sometimes actress Erika Christensen was one upping us all by testing important scientific theories in her home lab.