After nearly two years of dating, Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost have decided to get married. Congratulations! People reports that ScarJo’s publicist confirmed the news to the Associated Press on Sunday. I’m not surprised that Colin didn’t break the news himself during Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update segment. One host already declared his intention to spend forever with a stunning charismatic star, and that was Seth Meyers and Stefon back in 2013. And there’s really no point in trying to top what can never be topped.
God bless ya if you’ve been able to keep up with all the fucking Avengers running around here these days. Just looking at the poster for the upcoming Avengers: Endgame movie takes so much concentration. I keep thinking I’m supposed to eventually see a sailboat or some shit. It’s a mess, and it gives me a throbbing, Thanos’ dick-sized migraine. But the poster isn’t nearly as much of a mess as the red carpet for last night’s premiere of Avengers: Endgame: Too Many Spidermen. Not only was every Groot, Korg and Kraglin Obfonteri from the movies there, all the Marvel universe TV characters were there too. It must have been the least exclusive guest list to hit Hollywood since the premiere of Gotti. I mean, they even let Colin Jost in!
If you had to guess who was the biggest star in America right now, it’s obviously Momo or the “Baby Shark” kids. But for the HIGHLY prestigious (and superficial) theme of 14 Countries, 14 Stars for Vogue’s cover, Anna Wintour hopped in her time machine and went back a few years to give it to Scarlett Johannson. Dammit, if you had told us it was “14 Countries, 14 Stars Of 2010,” Ann-uh, I would have nominated Katherine Heigl! OK, no I wouldn’t have.
The cover is a two-parter and ScarJo shares a cover with fellow Asian actresses Doona Bae and Deepika Padukone. Continue reading
During the Golden Globes last night, host Sandra Oh made a joke about Crazy Rich Asians, saying that it was the “first studio film with an Asian-American lead since Ghost in the Shell and Aloha.” Now, as you remember Ghost In The Shell and Aloha both cast white chicks as Asian characters. Everyone laughed and laughed, and one person who was laughing out of discomfort and shame, decided she would clear the air live: the quarter-Chinese, quarter-Hawaiian character herself, Emma Stone.
The Hollywood Reporter is saying that Scarlett Johansson is going to get a huge ton of cash for working on the standalone Black Widow movie which recently got its director. According to THR, Scarlett’s salary is equal to what the delicious Captain of America, Chris Evans, and what the hunky God of Thunder and Muscle Mass, Chris Hemsworth, were paid for Avengers: Infinity War, Captain America: Civil War and Thor: Ragnarok. Scarlett will be earning a grandios $15 million for playing Black Widow in her own movie.
Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost have yet another set of precious memories to paste in their Celebrity Relationship Milestones book that your agent gives you when you hook up with another famous person.
Last night’s next step took place at the Emmys, where Colin co-hosted with his SNL Weekend Update partner Michael Che. Scarlett and Colin made their first official red carpet debut back in April at the Avengers: Infinity War premiere, then went a little fancier a month later at the Met Gala. Last night was their official awards show couples walk on the…what color would we call the Emmy’s carpet last night? Rice Krispy Treat beige? Sure.
Scarlett wore a Balmain dress, while Colin continued to look like that one groomsman at his high school buddy’s wedding who can’t wait to run to his car and trade in his dress shoes for sneakers. But all that really matters here is ScarJo’s dress, which looks what a housekeeper at a resort would do if asked to fold bath towels into a gown instead of a swan.
Once inside, it wasn’t about Scarlett anymore. Here’s Colin and Michael’s monologue, in which they began with a shout out to the #MeToo movement.
Then they went on to talk about TV’s diversity problem. That’s when I’m sure Scarlett considered standing up and volunteering her services as a recently-woke diversity expert. “Pro tip, television: In the event you do create more diverse characters, try not to hire people that look like me to play them.”