Category: Say Something Nice

Tom Brady’s Ex Bridget Moynahan Congratulated Him On His 7th Super Bowl Win

February 8, 2021 / Posted by:

Save for a couple of questionably inflated balls, Tom Brady doesn’t really have a reputation of playing dirty on the field. But off the field, Tom Brady famously played it a little dirty in his personal life, when he started dating one woman (Gisele Bundchen) while his ex (Bridget Moynahan) was pregnant with his first kid. It was messier than Tom’s partner in passing, Rob Gronkowski, the second he enters international waters. But time has healed some of that messiness, because Bridget showed she is fully able to play nice, by publicly congratulating her ex on his latest Super Bowl victory.

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So, Mimi Sang Live At The Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting Tonight……

December 3, 2014 / Posted by:

The Unicornie Butterfly Rainbow Princess, Mimi, was supposed to pre-record her performance of “All I Want For Christmas Is You” (aka the song that is going to keep her rich FOREVER) for NBC’s Christmas in Rockefeller Center last night, but some divorce business made her 3 hours late so it didn’t happen. NBC and Mimi decided she should do it live tonight instead and she definitely did it live.

Let me try to say something nice.

Well, Mimi’s contouring was flawless and if she wanted to look exactly like Roxxxy Andrews in the face, she pretty much nailed it. Um, what else? She looks like the Cowardly Lion’s bordello-owning sister and that’s a compliment. Um, the dancing kids seemed into it. Hmmm….That Rockefeller Prometheus statue looked hot as usual. What else? Um, that’s a pretty shade of red Mimi was wearing. And…um…

Oh fuck it, just cancel Christmas.

Panty Creamer Of The Day: JLo’s Video For “I Luh Ya Papi”

March 14, 2014 / Posted by:

I still can’t with “I Luh Ya Papi.” Not today. Not ever. I know it’s supposed to sound all sexy and cutesy and shit, but no. It sounds like something a 3-year-old with a lisp and a burnt tongue would say to her dad. Or like something that would come out of Drew Barrymore’s mouth while she hugged a puppy.

At the beginning of JLo’s video, a human Botox needle with scruff spits out ideas for her video and eventually her Fly Girls say that she should really switch shit up by objectifying man ass since dudes have been objectifying lady ass for centuries. You know, make dudes the video hos like Madge did in 1989 and Olivia Newton-John did in 1981. But my tingling nipples and comatose b-hole lips thank JLo for bringing the chonies section of the International Male catalog circa 1996 to life!

I’m going to turn down the hate a bit and try to say a few nice things about this video instead:

1. I like that the YouTube player has a mute button. That is a very useful feature and I used it about 10 seconds into the song. TYYT (thank you, You Tube)!

2. MAN NALGAS! MAN NALGAS! MAN NALGAS!

3. MAN NIPPLES! MAN NIPPLES! MAN NIPPLES!

4. NO CASPER SMART! I was preparing my eyes for the vision of JLo rubbing her body all over that shirtless Monchichi and my retinas breathed a sigh of relief when it didn’t happen. JLo cares, sometimes.

Anyway, keep fucking that chicken, JLo, and keep giving us videos starring a hot piece buffet. Just make sure that the mute button is always in a clear and easy-to-find place.

Say Something Nice: Lil’ Kim At L.A. Pride

June 11, 2012 / Posted by:

Thousands gathered in front of the main stage at L.A. Gay Pride in West Hollywood on Saturday and watched as Lil’ Kim shook her shellacked ham hocks and kept her waxed cheek cutlets from melting off of her face by fanning herself. We should temporarily put down our umbrellas of hate and not throw shade at Lil’ Kim for looking like a big top mess. Let’s say something nice instead of making fun of Kim’s rubber Nermal face. Or that parched lace front that looks like it just came out of a McDonald’s deep fryer. Or those fake lashes that look like the plucked wings of a baby crow (CALL PETA!). Or that face paint job that was probably done by the same foolish mortician’s assistant who slathered Lisa Turtle’s mug with ten coats of fug. Or the face that Kim looks like an escapee from the Zoobilee Zoo and Mayor Ben really needs to throw a net over this trick. Let’s not point any of those things out and focus on the positive for once!

I’m going to slow clap at Kim for qualifying for the U.S. Olympic Eyebrow Game trials. I’m also going to say something nice about Kim’s nose. I’d sit and bounce on Kim’s nose, because it always looks like a short pencil dick with a pinched mushroom head and anything that makes me think about peen is a good thing. (“Dumb slut, what doesn’t make you think about dick?” – you). Good point.

Say Something Nice: Lindsay Lohan At The A&E Upfronts

May 9, 2012 / Posted by:

Pictures like these call for the return of Say Something Nice, so let your bitch gene go temporarily dormant (I know you won’t) and let’s play nice for once. Lindsay Lohan’s cheeks and lips looked like they were trying to get majority share of her face as she posed at the A&E Upfronts in NYC today. A&E is part owner of Lifetime, so LiLo was there to promote Liz & Dick. Now on to the niceness!

1. That ombre face – LiLo is setting trends with that shit! Ombre face is perfect for when you can only afford 1/4th of a spray tan.

2. Those brows – The Curious Case of Ali Lohan isn’t the only Lohan who can give us some serious eyebrow situation. If you need a steady hand, a spackling knife and paint thinner to strip the layers of brow pencil from your brows at the end of the night, you’re doing it right! Yes, LiLo’s brows sort of look like furry poops, but scat is so in!

3. That random bobby pin – 60s glamour on a Dollar Tree budget. Can’t shade a bitch for being frugal IN THIS ECONOMY.

4. Those lips – Those gummy worm lips sort of make her looks like Nien Numb in drag, which is a good thing since Star Wars definitely needed more drag queen glamour.

5. That overall face – LiLo’s face looks like it was harvested from Jocelyn Wildenstein’s face, and that’ seriously the nicest thing I’ve said about anybody. My nice tank is officially empty.

Sweetas In Shocking Porn Video!

December 31, 2011 / Posted by:

Okay, not really, but I know what will make you sluts sit up and take notice! If I had written “Signing Off” or some lame shit like that, you would have yawned, farted, scratched your ass and continued eating nachos in yesterday’s t-shirt. Or maybe that’s just me and I’m giving away too much personal information.

Anygettothefuckingpointsweetas, I just wanted to say thanks to Michael K’s Wild Kingdom for allowing him a little break and for choking down my unsalted cracker posts for a week. King MK will be back soon, sporting his beautiful bedazzled tin-foil and garland crown and pink-ribboned Princess Barbie scepter and showing the blogosphere how shit is done RIGHT.

Seriously, I had SO much fun and was proud to be in the company of J. Harvey and Lahoma, both of whom I would love to see next time Michael takes a well-deserved vacation. Now it’s time to say goodbye, and go back to my basement desk and 10-key (glamorous, I know) and flask hidden in the top drawer so I can stomach my real life job. Thank you again, and now I’m off to work on welcoming 2012 with a scorching hangover, missing underwear and no recollection of the nights events (Godsend, that guy looked like a cracked-out Gollum and had a micro-peen) like the rest of you beautiful people. Sweetas OUT!

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