For many Halloweens, the hateful demons at Today have give us many soul-melting night terrors by doing their hosts up like dark-sided creatures that crawled out of the sticky asshole of Hell. Like the time they dressed the entire Today show crew as Peanuts possessed by Satan, and the time they committed a horrible case of blasphemy by dropping a Matt Lauer shit all over the pristine image of earth angel Dolly Parton. They played it mostly safe this Halloween. I say “mostly safe,” because I hate them for causing my nipple tips to tingle and my b-hole ring to quiver while looking at Jenna Bush Hager in man drag as Goose from Top Gun. I should call 911 and report Today for actually making me get moist in the tip over drag king Jenna Bush Hager.
Today went with an 80s theme this year. Well, most of them did anyway. Hoda Kotb got lost in the early-70s while making her way to the 80s.
Savannah Guthrie interviewed Omarosa Manigault-Newman on Today this morning, and watching it is like watching an Evil Queen from a Disney movie get interviewed by the step-daughter she poisoned last week and is still in the process of trying to kill.
Omarosa has a new book coming out called Unhinged which is basically a Burn Book of her time in Donald Trump‘s White House. Savannah tried to get her to talk all about it and the result was a tense 12 minutes of Omarosa saying, “It’s in the book, bitch!” “I should let you know, I am recording this conversation,” Savannah joked at the top of the interview, referencing Omarosa’s recorded firing and her other alleged secret tapes of Donald. Omarosa chuckled, but it pretty much steamrolled downhill from there. On a positive note, it was nice of Omarosa to take time from rehearsing for Dancing with the Stars to do this interview. That’s why she’s wearing that dress, right?
Reboot-a-palooza continues on the silver screen this summer with the upcoming Ocean’s 8, a lady-led spinoff of Ocean’s 11. The film drops this Friday, and co-stars Cate Blanchett and Sarah Paulson dropped by Today this morning to promote it. Their snarky banter, laying their awards dicks on the table, and mom jokes made Hoda Kotb laugh so hard that her co-host Savannah Guthrie had to come out and help her finish the interview. At least, that’s what they’re saying, but I think Hoda was crying over lack of job security since Cate and Sarah were twice as messed in the head as she normally is during the fifteenth hour with Kathie Lee Gifford. Continue reading
The 2018 TIME 100 Gala was held last night in New York City to celebrate Time magazine’s annual list of the 100 most influential people. And whether the people were influential or not, the red carpet fashion pulled from a variety of sources. Like Leslie Jones in Christian Siriano, who is giving you Grace Jones after stopping at Studio 54 while thinking,”I wonder what the rent is on this place? Do they pay monthly or yearly? You know what, hand me my coke spoon and purse, I’m leaving to pursue a career in commercial real estate.”
A little over three months ago, rose bouquets were thrown at Jane Fonda’s feets when she threw a, “You’re really going to do this now, trick?” face at Megyn Kelly after being asked about plastic surgery during an interview about her new movie. I wasn’t even expecting a round two, but we all got one this morning. Jane was on the second hour of Today with Lily Tomlin when she clocked Megyn, and Megyn wasn’t even in the ring!
Hoda Kotb and Savannah Guthrie (who were dressed like the rich lady version of the Crips) interviewed Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin (who were dressed like the rich lady version of the Bloods) about the third season of Grace and Frankie. Hoda brought up their friendship and wondered how far they go back. Lily made a joke about how they knew each other BJFF (before Jane’s first facelift), and Jane took that joke and used it to slap at Megyn Kelly. And Jane did it in Megyn Kelly’s own house!
Hoda: How long have you two known each other?
Lily: Oh my God… Before your first facelift.
Jane: Who are you, Megyn Kelly?
Lily: Oh, that’s right, I forgot she was the one!
And as Hoda and Savannah tried to keep from laughing by looking nervous, Megyn was in her dressing room, either farting up a ray of happiness over Jane Fonda remembering her name, or was screaming at her makeup person to put some Alocane on that burn Jane gave her. (Side note: Jane Fonda just had a cancerous growth removed from her mouth area.)
Jane Fonda had quite the response to Lily Tomlin's facelift comment pic.twitter.com/2qUUxReqiy
— TODAY (@TODAYshow) January 16, 2018
Today will cover the Winter Olympics next month, and when they do, I hope they bring Jane Fonda on again, because her dragging Megyn Kelly has become my new favorite sport.