This is good news, because John Goodman playing the wise-cracking ghost of sexy everyman dad, Dan Conner, would have been a disaster on par with that final season lottery dream mess.
Roseanne’s infamous (as in infamously terrible) final season ended with the revelation that husband Dan actually hadn’t survived his heart attack. The show is coming back to ABC for an eight-episode stint, and TV Line reports that they’re going to make like none of that ever happened. Continue reading
Since pretty much every show has been brought back from the dead (see: Will & Grace, Gilmore Girls, Arrested Development, Full House, Dynasty and One Day At A Time), I wake up every morning hoping that it’ll be the day that Hollywood finally makes the dreams of everyone come true by ordering a revival of It’s A Living! That didn’t happen today, but one of my other favorite shows (if I forget about everything that happened post-lottery win) is getting a revival.
Roseanne was the show that, when I was growing up, made me think “wow, there are other families like my family out there.” As opposed to the other sitcoms with the ridiculously nice houses and overly clean teens running around, Roseanne was gritty. They ate fast food, frequently couldn’t pay the bills, and engaged in girl-on-girl action with Mariel Hemingway. Just like the Harveys!
TV sarcasm queen Darlene Conner (Sara Gilbert) grew up to produce and co-host The Talk. Dan Conner (John Goodman) remained a sexy (I type that with little to no sarcasm) national treasure, and is currently starring in that Kong: Skull Island movie. The two of them shot this bit as their Roseanne characters on Sara’s show. I’ve never watched The Talk, and I probably never will. But this is still adorable.
Watch the clip below. After you’re done with that, check out the gallery of pictures of the always loveable John Goodman being absolutely precious (with Jeff Bridges, Tom Hiddleston, and Brie Larson!) while receiving his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
If Linda Perry asked the question “What’s going on?” anytime last Saturday, the answer shouted back at her was probably “Your wife’s cervix is 4 centimeters dilated.” According to The Daily Mail, Sara Gilbert spent her Saturday birthing out the baby boy that was chilling out inside her for the past 9 months. This is Sara and Linda’s first baby together, and they’ve named him Rhodes Emilio Gilbert Perry. Sara also has two kids from a previous relationship, a 10-year-old son named Levi and a 7-year-old daughter named Sawyer.
I don’t know if Linda and Sara will refer to their baby as Rhodes or Rhodes Emilio, but I hope they go formal and refer to him as Rhodes Gilbert Perry. Rhodes Gilbert Perry sounds like the name of an old money character from a movie about a messy party slob son who inherits his father’s snobby country club. Rhodes Gilbert Perry’s best friend is Franklin Franklinton III, and they don’t understand what pizza is.
Then again, I’m sure he’s nothing like this Rhodes Gilbert Perry character I’ve invented. Baby Rhodes no doubt spent his 9 months on the inside absorbing as much cool from Mommy Linda as possible. I wouldn’t doubt you if you told me slid out of Sara’s womb wearing an infant-sized necklace out of a set of vintage bronze keys and a knit beanie while riffing on a tiny Les Paul guitar. I don’t know how he got it up there, but leave it to a cool baby to find a way.
And if you want to see what it would look like if Darlene from Roseanne tried to steal a basketball for David, here’s Sara a couple weeks ago before she gave birth:
The good thing about being with someone with letters tattooed on their fingers is that you can easily tell them which finger you want during finger fuck times. Give me just the A! Now slowly bring in that N! Okay, shove the whole ANT in me. It just makes things easier and kind of educational. Now on to Sara Gilbert and Linda Perry’s BABY!!! news…..
Sara Gilbert casually announced on her show The Talk today that she’s got a womb full of her first kid with her wife Linda Perry. People says that during the show’s “Facing Your Fears” segment, Sara said that she couldn’t do her dare of lying on a bed of nails with a cinder block on her stomach, because doing so would be an act of fetus abuse since she’s pregnant.
“I actually can’t do it, because I’m pregnant,” she revealed, tearing up. “I feel good, I feel really good … at first I was really tired.”
This kid will be Sara’s third and Linda Perry’s first.
Sara didn’t say who jacked off into a donor cup for her and the cholita Steven Tyler. I’m guessing that Johnny Galecki did the honors. It has to be Johnny Galecki. I mean, Sara Gilbert wouldn’t be with Linda Perry if Johnny didn’t “turn her into a lesbian” by putting his mouth on hers a million years ago, so it’s only fitting.
I don’t know if they pick themes for the Daytime Emmy Awards, but if I had to guess what last night’s theme was, it’s clearly “A Tribute to True Class and Good Taste”. Every single moment, from the very first drunken stumble down the red carpet to the last rambling, profanity-laced acceptance speech, was practically a textbook definition of refinement, elegance, and dignity.
Take, for example, the understated elegance of demure English Rose Sharon Osbourne, who announced her arrival on the red carpet by throwing up a classy set of ‘pussy fingers’. Wow. Such elegance. Much grace. Of course Sharon committed fully to the theme by acting like a horny late-in-life lesbian memaw by going for the crotch and tits of her The Talk co-stars Sheryl Underwood and Sara Gilbert.
But the real show happened inside, when Sharon presented an award (I know, I’m shocked she was still able to stand upright) and treated the audience to some “Drunk Aunt Carol going through some shit during Thanksgiving dinner” realness. Luckily, the 41st Daytime Emmys were only being broadcast online (how very amateur porn of you, Daytime Emmys):
“Finally! My lord, I feel like I’ve been her for five fucking hours and I just got here. Everyone can throw up in the toilet and go home and fuck everyone they work with. It’s not being televised. So just fucking get pissed.”
Speaking of pissed, the Emmy producers are probably super pissed today that they gave Giuliana Rancic (who looked like a beautiful shimmering brunette grasshopper bride) the night off from her duties as Head Red Carpet Microphone Ghoul, because the four “social media” mouth breathers they let take over the red carpet failed harder than Kim Kardashian trying to remember her baby’s name. Rape jokes, jokes about fucking underage kids, referring to Lawrence Saint-Victor from The Bold and the Beautiful as “a beautiful chocolate man”; it was like watching 4-goon pile-up that no one wanted to call in the jaws of life for.
Here’s more from the Primetime Emmy Awards Franzia-chugging Valium-snorting unstable disaster of an older sister. Sadly, the Daytime Emmys didn’t reach their full messy potential, because one Very Important Day Drunk was missing: KATHIE LEE GIFFORD!!!