Category: SANS FARDS
Alicia Keys Went SANS FARDS On The BET Awards Red Carpet
During a recent Lenny Letter essay titled Time to Uncover, Alicia Keys wrote about how she was taking a break from makeup because she didn’t “want to cover up anymore.” Alicia is clearly very serious about the whole #nomakeup thing, because last night she sashayed onto the red carpet of the BET Awards in a face covered in nothing.
Alicia is one of the very lucky few who can do #nomakeup and still look like a human person. Her skin/eyes/mouth/eyebrows all look like what they’re supposed to. When I do no makeup, I look like something from a remake of Eraserhead by Harmony Korine. My mouth looks like a Biggest Loser before-and after of an awkward pink slug. My eyes like two puffy slits with creepy little see-through lashes. The two patchy hairlike skidmarks above my eyes that can barely be classified as eyebrows (my eyebrows truly bring shame to the Dlisted family). So, good for you for going without makeup, Alicia. And if she really wants to make it a permanent thing, I would volunteer to take any and all makeup she decides to get rid of. I very clearly need it.
Alicia also carried the low-maintenance theme into her ensemble as well.
Demi Lovato Went SANS FARDS, SANS CLOTHES And SANS PHOTOSHOP For Vanity Fair
Singer, sometimes actress, sometimes symbol of elegance and full-time body image talker Demi Lovato did a photo shoot for Vanity Fair earlier this week to promote her album Confident and when photographer Patrick Ecclesine showed up, she let him know that she had three rules:
1. Do not talk about that shady bitch Kathy Griffin!
2. Do not talk about that shady bitch Kathy Griffin!
3. Do not talk about that shady bitch Kathy Griffin!
No, Demi didn’t want to wear any clothes on her body, she didn’t want any makeup on her face and she said the words that’d make a Kartrashian scream in terror: No Photoshop! Demi’s great-granddaddy died the day before the shoot, so she had a major case of the sads, but told Patrick that life’s too short and her album is about “confidence” (in case you couldn’t tell by the title of it). So she took off them panties, slicked back that hair, popped that ass out and got natural. When someone I love dies, the last thing I’d want to do is pose ass crack naked in front of a camera, but we all grieve differently.
Demi says in a video interview about the shoot that she didn’t think she’d ever be in a place where she’d be comfortable with posing in the raw:
“In the past, I suffered from eating disorders and I basically went from hating every single inch of my body to working on myself and trying to figure out ways to love myself, love the skin that I’m in. I learned, after working very hard on my spirituality and my soul and my body, that you can get to a place where you love the skin you’re in. And I’m excited to share that with the world.”
I know what people mean when they say to “love the skin you’re in,” but whenever they say it, I picture Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs smiling a creepy smile while wearing the suit he made with the skins of his victims. Aaaand on that note, here’s Demi serving up an A++ eyebrow game and un-Photoshopped nalgas in Vanity Fair.
Jennifer Aniston Says She’s “Flattered” About Getting Oscar Buzz For That SANS FARDS Cake Movie
Since Jennifer Aniston was brave enough to go both SANS FARDS and SANS HAIR EXTENSIONS for her new movie Cake, many industry types are already whispering that she’ll probably get nominated for an Oscar. Because as you all know, the surest way to get nominated for an Academy Award is to give a performance that has at least one of the 3 Ts: titties, tears, or tired-looking eyes (aka no makeup). So People decided to corner Jenny at NYC screening of Cake last night and ask her what she thinks about everyone talking about the possibility of Jennifer Aniston becoming Academy Award-nominated Jennifer Aniston:
As for the early awards season whispers? Aniston is surprised, saying (with a laugh) she’s “flattered” and that she reacts to the buzz “awkwardly and stutteringly.”
Rachel Green, PLEASE! Jenny knew she was going to get nominated for an Oscar the second they applied that first janky Party City scar! Not to mention that that wig looks like she told her assistant: “No Denise, this hair is still too nice – I’m going for an Oscar nomination, not a Golden Globe. Bring me something that looks like a greasy Yorkie.”
If I was Jennifer Aniston (“You wish, hag” shouted the bottles of Living Proof shampoo in my shower) I’d just start responding to Oscar buzz questions by going “DUH – I better get nominated for an Oscar! Did you see my face? I looked like Madam Mim!” And anyone who does flawless Madam Mim drag should get all the Oscars in my book.
Here’s potential future Oscar-nominated actress Jennifer Aniston at the Cake screening last night looking like Hogwarts’ sexiest substitute teacher, as well as her hot hipster dracula piece Justin Theroux:
Goopy Paltrow Goes SANS FARDS For A Picture With Moses On His Birthday
What a completely natural portrait that was probably taken by Mario Testino and was created with the help of 3 assistants, 4 lighting designers, 2 hair stylists, 3 make-up artists who specialize in creating the SAN FARDS look, 2 publicists, a body language coach and a nanny waving a Twinkie. Goopy also “oil pulled” for 2 hours straight so her teeth could look whiter than her dancing.
While looking like a luck dragon letting out a fart, Goopy Paltrow held onto her son Moses in a picture she threw up on Instagram today next to the words, “Moses Bruce Paltrow Martin turns 8 today. We Love you!” You can almost hear Goopy say through her teeth, “Stop squirming, just one more picture and I’ll let you sniff that Twinkie. Your mother needs some good publicity and people need to see my wedding ring even though your father already pawned his off and used the money to buy a Steak ‘n Shake franchise.”
ScarJo And Kate Winslet Go SANS FARDS For Vanity Fair
For Vanity Fair’s Hollywood Issue (Side note: Every EVERY every single time I see the word “Hollywood” I hear the greatest entertainer of everyone’s time, Rosa from WB Superstar USA, saying, “Hollywooood, can you handle this?”), famous types like ScarJo, Kate Winslet, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, The Mighty O and Sean Penn kept it “raw” (“That’s what my Grindr profile says!” – John Travolta) while posing for photographer Chuck Close.
Chuck Close pretty much only shoots in Polaroid, he doesn’t run his pictures through Photoshop and he wants his subjects to give him FACE! FACE! FACE! without makeup, fancy hair or fancy clothes. Chuck asked famous whores who usually get full hair and makeup for their passport photo to come SANS FARDS and with undone hair. That’s everyone cue to scream, “Lying bitch is wearing concealer! Lying bitch is wearing foundation! Lying bitch has on more paint than a Real Housewife!”
Vanity Fair posted most of the portraits and after the jump are portraits of Kate Winslet and Brad Pitt looking like a former Fabio impersonator turned train track drifter. (Note: You ARE a crazed Brangeloonie if you even think about licking that curled up nose hair.) Continue reading
The Chenbot Did Not Get Her Nose Snipped And Pinched
Julie Chen admitted on The Talk last week that if a plastic surgeon never took a scalpel to her eyelids and widened her eye parts, she’d never be The Chenbot, Bumpits would be out of business and Big Brother would be in chaos without her saying, “But first!” When Julie admitted that shit, most of us shrugged like, “eh,” because we figured that her whole face has been taken apart, chiseled, sandblasted, dipped in plastic and put back together again. But on The Talk yesterday, Julie practically swore on the thing that made her a star, Les Moonves’ peen, that besides her eyelid surgery, she hasn’t gotten any face work. Julie says that she’s still got her born nose on her face. Julie claims that her nose looks like that from the magic of conturing and she showed the receipts in the form of a sped-up video of her getting her face painted.
Chenbot, please. I’ll believe that she hasn’t had her nose snipped (uh huh), but I refuse to believe that it’s possible for her to go makeup free. The Chenbot cannot go SANS FARDS! The Chenbot’s face is covered with car paint, shellac, adobe clay, acrylic and anything else found in the paint section at Home Depot. You can’t take that shit off. That video was obviously played backwards and the makeup artist was putting prosthetics and more makeup on her to look makeup free. That receipt is doctored!