When Sandra Bullock was at the Oscars in March, some people were really focused on her face, specifically her plump cheeks. Sandra tells InStyle that anyone who saw her cheeks on Oscar night and wondered how many CCs had been injected can stop wondering, because she says the answer is zero.
If you think the world needs more Rihanna movies, you need your head checked. But you’re also in for a not-that-bad trailer for Ocean’s 8. The trailer gives further details on how the lady Oceans will be robbing RiRi’s favorite spot to rule: the Met Gala!
As you know from the first trailer, Sandra Bullock is supposed to be Debbie Ocean, the sister to George Clooney’s Danny Ocean from the original trio of films. While we don’t see George, we do see that Anne Hathaway is supposed to be some high-falutin’ actress who goes to the Met to hobnob and wear diamonds that the Debbie-led gals try to snatch. Since they’re all later seen on the subway together, I think it might be safe to assume Anne is in on the heist…or they just took a break from larceny to show her Times Square. The new trailer reveals each member of the heist is promised $16.5 million if they take part in the jewelry theft at Gwyneth Paltrow’s favorite night of the year.
Cate Blanchett is on hand to show more of that mop wig and Party City leopard print coat. Rihanna is supposed to be the tech wiz of the whole operation, and Helena Bonham Carter should get at least $20 million for wearing a busted Marie Antoinette wig to a fictional version of Anna Wintour’s Death Star of a night in May.
Speaking of Anna Wintour, I really hope there’s a plot twist and it’s revealed that she’s the ringleader of the whole thing. I smell a sequel!
The ladies on the set of Ocean’s 8 didn’t entirely kick men to the curb when they rebooted the film George Clooney rebooted from the Rat Pack. All that rebooting makes me really want to sing “Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under,” but I’ll stop. Cate Blanchett claims that she and Sandra Bullock did bring dick into their lives while working on Ocean’s 8 by getting peen facials at a spa.
Note that I left out the word “mess,” as there’s no question that the messiest part of the red carpet was most likely the three square feet of space occupied by Ryan Seacrest.
If there was an award for red carpet fashion that makes you question a stylist’s sanity, Nicole Kidman would be that category’s Meryl Streep. Nicole arrived in an Armani Prive gown that does double duty. From the waist-up she’s very mascot of a sexy frozen fish company, and from the waist down I’m getting a reminder to please separate my plastic recyclables from my paper.
The vaginas are coming! The vaginas are coming! The trailer for the long awaited (ok, sustained indifferenced) Ocean’s 8 is here and it’s got more vaginas than a Amazonian gynecology conference! As expected, it stars Sandra Bullock as the titular Ocean (1) and includes Cate Blanchett as some kind of badass (2), Mindy Kaling as some kind of jeweler (3), Rihanna as some kind of hacker (4), Helena Bonham Carter as Helena Bonham Carter (5), Sarah Paulson as a suburban mom with a criminal past (6), Awkwafina as a street grifter (don’t ask me I have no idea who she is either, 7) and that’s only 7 so what the fuck? Yes, Anne Hathaway is in it but she appears to be the target so I’m confused.
And this post is going to be extraordinarily complimentary of witches because I don’t want piles, my car to explode, or Trump winning another election. A beautiful obviously misunderstood real-life witch supposedly placed a real-life curse on Practical Magic, the movie where Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock played witch sisters who liked margaritas. The book was good but the movie was incomprehensible to critics and considered a flop despite a healthy showing at the box office. Since then, it’s become sort of a cult classic. Practical Magic director Griffin Dunne did an interview with Vulture, where he explained that this movie got savaged by the critics because of a witch he hired as a consultant. That poor witch! Getting blamed for Griffin’s ineptitude! Leave witches alone
OR THEY WILL CURSE YOU AND YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE WILL DIE! Continue reading