The ladies on the set of Ocean’s 8 didn’t entirely kick men to the curb when they rebooted the film George Clooney rebooted from the Rat Pack. All that rebooting makes me really want to sing “Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under,” but I’ll stop. Cate Blanchett claims that she and Sandra Bullock did bring dick into their lives while working on Ocean’s 8 by getting peen facials at a spa.
Note that I left out the word “mess,” as there’s no question that the messiest part of the red carpet was most likely the three square feet of space occupied by Ryan Seacrest.
If there was an award for red carpet fashion that makes you question a stylist’s sanity, Nicole Kidman would be that category’s Meryl Streep. Nicole arrived in an Armani Prive gown that does double duty. From the waist-up she’s very mascot of a sexy frozen fish company, and from the waist down I’m getting a reminder to please separate my plastic recyclables from my paper.
The vaginas are coming! The vaginas are coming! The trailer for the long awaited (ok, sustained indifferenced) Ocean’s 8 is here and it’s got more vaginas than a Amazonian gynecology conference! As expected, it stars Sandra Bullock as the titular Ocean (1) and includes Cate Blanchett as some kind of badass (2), Mindy Kaling as some kind of jeweler (3), Rihanna as some kind of hacker (4), Helena Bonham Carter as Helena Bonham Carter (5), Sarah Paulson as a suburban mom with a criminal past (6), Awkwafina as a street grifter (don’t ask me I have no idea who she is either, 7) and that’s only 7 so what the fuck? Yes, Anne Hathaway is in it but she appears to be the target so I’m confused.
And this post is going to be extraordinarily complimentary of witches because I don’t want piles, my car to explode, or Trump winning another election. A beautiful obviously misunderstood real-life witch supposedly placed a real-life curse on Practical Magic, the movie where Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock played witch sisters who liked margaritas. The book was good but the movie was incomprehensible to critics and considered a flop despite a healthy showing at the box office. Since then, it’s become sort of a cult classic. Practical Magic director Griffin Dunne did an interview with Vulture, where he explained that this movie got savaged by the critics because of a witch he hired as a consultant. That poor witch! Getting blamed for Griffin’s ineptitude! Leave witches alone
OR THEY WILL CURSE YOU AND YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE WILL DIE! Continue reading
Ever since Sandra Bullock packed up her things and got the hell out of Jesse James’ chopper-building swastika-loving life in 2010, she left all comments about him in the past. Jesse James, on the other hand, just can’t quite stop talking about his Oscar-winning ex-wife. Two years ago, Jesse boo-hoo-hoo’ed about his failed marriage and loss of their son Louis. And he’s doing it again.
On the left is Cate Blanchett who hasn’t yet let it sink in that a hot new talent has arrived on the scene and soon her career will be over. On the right is Sandra Bullock who has let it sink in that a hot new talent has arrived on the scene and soon her career will be over.
The all-lady Ocean’s spin-off movie titled Ocean’s Eight has started filming in NYC, and today, Cate and Sandra were getting ready to shoot a scene when an attention whore in a ball cap and red chaps rolled on by. If the director knows what’s good, he would’ve immediately cast that pooch in a cameo as Brad Pitt’s character. That pooch probably works for cheaper and it definitely has more charisma and less fleas than Brad.
And yes, Benji’s attention-loving, only child cousin stole the scene from Cate and Sandra, but in their defense, that pooch could steal the scene from absolutely anything and anyone. If a naked Prince Hot Ginge was balancing a Double-Double on his peen and that pooch rolled on by, I’d stop for at least half-a-second to awww at it before going back to PHG.