Eddie Murphy has got a lot of mouths to feed and tuition to pay so he’s getting back on his grind. His last big movie was 2012’s A Thousand Words and he’s had like 12, 13 kids since then (ok 2, but who’s counting besides his accountant). According to Deadline, Eddie’s next project will be a movie that’s “inspired” by Grumpy Old Men and will be produced and directed by Jim Story who makes money hand over fist with movies like Ride Along and Ride Along 2 (Ride Along 3 is in post). Also Think Like a Man and Think Like a Man Too. Not to mention Fantastic 4 and Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I don’t know about you, but I’m sensing a pattern.
A fresh glimpse of a shirtless Chris Hemsworth is probably the best part of this story. Marvel took a huge infodump (how nicely put) at San Diego Comic-Con this weekend. They debuted the new trailer for Thor: Ragnarok (aka Chris Hemsworth Has A Better Haircut And Remains A Thirst Trap), showed the first image of Brie Larson as Captain Marvel, and announced who would be playing the part of the FIRST Wasp in Ant-Man and the Wasp. It’s kind of a big name. I hope she sings “Cool Rider” in the movie to distract me, because I can only take so much of Paul Rudd’s “I’ll always be funnier than you” smirk. (And if you figured out who the actress in question is because of that song title, we are friends til’ the end.) Continue reading
At last night’s BET Awards, actor and noted hot piece Jesse Williams won the Humanitarian Award for his dedication to many important social issues including the Black Lives Matter movement. Jesse used his time at the mic to give a sermon about cultural appropriation, gentrification, fighting for equality and much more. The house came all the way down several times during Jesse’s speech. If Samuel L. Jackson, who was honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award last night, was wearing his signature Kangol hat, that shit would’ve flown right off of his head. Because Samuel L. Jackson said that Jesse’s speech was something his ears haven’t heard since the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s. The video of Jesse’s full speech auto-plays, so I put it after the cut, but here’s what he said at the end of his speech:
“We’ve been floating this country on credit for centuries, and we’re done watching and waiting while this invention called whiteness uses and abuses us, burying black people out of sight and out of mind while extracting our culture, our dollars, our entertainment like oil — black gold! — ghettoizing and demeaning our creations and stealing them, gentrifying our genius and then trying us on like costumes before discarding our bodies like rinds of strange fruit.
Just because we’re magic doesn’t mean we’re not real. Thank you.”
The UK premiere for Captain America: Civil War happened earlier today, and if Deadline’s numbers are correct, it’s going to make a mess of money. They’ve already predicted it will make $200-$230 million overseas this week, and then another $200 million when it opens in North America a week later. Basically, it’s probably safe to assume that CA:CW is going to make Robert Downey Jr. even richer than he already is. With that being said, I would assume RDJ is in the kind of financial position that would prevent him from strolling onto a red carpet in a pair of truly busted DIY-looking pants, but apparently that’s not the case.
I do not know what kind of look RDJ’s stylist was going for here. Those little black flare panels appears to be a deliberate choice, but who knows? Maybe they’re the result of RDJ misplacing both his Spanxles™ (Spanx for cankles) and his spare pair of premiere pants, and frantically MacGyvering something together in the limo on the way over. “Quick! I need a pair of scissors, a glue gun, and the fabric from the lining of your jacket. I don’t care that you won’t get your deposit back from the uniform rental company, it’s a fashion emergency!”
Whatever the reason, I do know that Robert Downey Jr.s’ faux-flares are giving me major flashbacks to the summer before 10th grade when everyone was cutting open the bottom of their jeans and sewing in panels of fabric in an attempt to make their own raver pants. Yes, technically the flare panels are supposed to be on the outside of your leg and not the inside. But I’m willing to give RDJ a pass if, and only if, he’s also wearing a million bead bracelets on one of his arms and a metal ball necklace under that shirt.
Here’s more from the UK premiere of Captain America: Probably Better Than Batman v Superman.
I would’ve said, “Why is this a thing that is still happening in 2016?“, out loud while watching the MTV Movie Awards last night, but it was impossible to speak words with my mouth permanently attached to the bong that was helping me get through that mess. That question danced between the weed clouds in my head as I watched that trailer showcase (they showed like 10 million movie trailers) masquerading as a dumb award show. I finally got my answer to that question at the very end of that shit show when Swedish Panty Creamer Hall of Famer Alexander Skarsgard strutted onto the stage wearing the same ensemble that the maître d’ at the cafe next to the bathhouse in the Scientology Centre wears.
As his lingonberries and Swedish blood sausage were stuffed into a pair of white man panties, ASkars presented the Best Movie award with his The Legend of Tarzan co-star Samuel L. Jackson. I’m not sure, but I think Star Whores: The Nerd Boners Awaken won that award. I wasn’t really paying attention, because all of my focus was on trying to find a peen print. You can’t tell from these pictures, but nearly every crotch in the audience shot out a jizz tsunami at the sight of ASkars in tighty-whities and the place flooded. ASkars and Samuel L. Jackson got stuck on the stage and had to be rescued by the Coast Guard.
This hot outfit almost makes up for the fact that ASkars wears soccer mom capris instead of a loincloth in that Tarzan shit. Hopefully, the marketing people behind Tarzan realized that this is the best way to sell that crap. I hope they keep it coming and as the July 1st release date gets closer, ASkars shows up to events in less and less clothes and eventually shows up to the premiere in this:
And here’s more pictures of ASkars in chonies. Is it just me or do those lightsabers look more erect than usual?
Pics: Getty, AP
A quick second after Warner Bros. made twat lips pucker and b-holes faint by releasing those pictures of Alexander Skarsgard looking all buff, wet, sensitive and dirty (Just how I like ’em!), they dropped the first trailer for The Legend of Tarzan and it doesn’t reach the Pan-levels of ridiculousness I thought it would reach. But there’s still something really, really, really, really wrong with it.
TARZAN IS STILL WEARING THOSE STUPID ASS KHAKI CAPRIS FROM CHICO’S!
Tarzan is supposed to be the hot King of the Jungle, he’s not supposed to be a sassy suburban mom named Beverly (her friends call her Bevy) who is going to swing by Target real quick to pick up some Barefoot pink moscato because her husband’s out of town and she wants to get her buzz on while watching the Fifty Shades of Grey movie for the 20th time. Tarzan shouldn’t be having a Chico’s kind of day. Yeah, yeah, I know that in this Tarzan movie, he’s supposed to be a modern day man or whatever, but that is no excuse. First of all, it’s a movie with CGI animals. It doesn’t have to make sense. Second of all, what’s the point of casting ASkars as Tarzan if you’re not going to put him in a banana hammock that’s made of actual banana peels?
Here’s hoping that early in the movie, Tarzan’s ape friends find a way to tell him that he looks a mess in those capris. So they take him shopping for loincloths and we get a Pretty Woman-style dressing room montage set to “Tarzan Boy” by Baltimora. I’m going to choose to believe that happens in the movie.
On a positive note, it’s nice to see that Christoph Waltz is showing off his range by playing the type of character he’s never played before. And here’s Christoph at The Hateful Eight premiere in Hollywood a couple of nights ago.