Duchess Meghan’s mom, Doria Ragland, hasn’t moved to London yet. But a few days ago she flew over to her daughter’s new homeland, and if she thought she was going to spend her days there sipping gin and Morrissey tears with THE QUEEN (and guzzling down three after Prince Philip tottered on in and asked, “Who are you spongeing off, love?“), she thought wrong. Because today, Doria put her wavin’ hand and smilin’ mouth to work at the launch of the charity cookbook her daughter did with some of the survivors of the Grenfell Tower fire. Prince Hot Ginge also came along and won the title of Sexiest Third Wheel Ever.
Duchess Meghan’s family is continuing their trend of being the absolute grossest by keeping their names in the tabloids for literally no reason other than making a dollar. Sorry, a pound: this is England, so that’s like $1.27, which is better… I guess. While the Meghan’s mom may be moving to England to be closer to her, Meghan is trying to get her father to catch a plane to Mars because he just will not STFU. Continue reading
Duchess Meghan turned 37 on Saturday. If Duchess Meghan was your sister, you might wish her a Happy Birthday with a card or a phone call, but if you’re like Samantha Markle and don’t currently have her address or phone number, you might do it over Twitter. Samantha Markle did that a day before Meghan’s birthday. But UsWeekly says that instead of wishing Meghan the best, she called her “Cruella de Vil.”
Duchess Meghan’s family is really trying their hardest to be the messiest members of the extended Royal Family, and they are succeeding. Next in the Neverending Journey of Embarrassing the Royals, we have Samantha Markle, Meghan’s half-sister, coming for Chrissy Teigen because sure, why not.
There was a time when Thomas Markle was begging his other messy family members to keep their mouths shut about Duchess Meghan and the royal family, and was worried that the royals would get mad over him refusing to keep quiet about them. Well, just like my undies whenever I see a new hot pic of Prince Hot Ginge, Daddy Thomas has ripped that thought out of his brain and has gone full messy family member of a celebrity. Thomas thinks it’s really hilarious that he has the power to shut the royal family up. That cracking sound that Thomas hears outside of his Rosarito Beach house isn’t from the paparazzi he called checking their camera before shooting not-staged pics of him holding a tabloid with the royals on the cover and laughing at it. It’s Daniel Craig as James Bond cracking his knuckles while preparing to handle a bitch for THE QUEEN.
Thomas Markle is worried he’ll never see his precious daughter Duchess Meghan again now that she’s been captured by that evil ogre Prince Harry and imprisoned high up in a castle tower. The Royal couple never did make it to Mexico to visit the old man, and now The Mirror reports that Thomas is “heartbroken” and fears that he and Meghan may not “ever be together again”. Cue: your tears. Go! Go! This is you, you’re on! You’re supposed to be blubbering right now. But I guess if you’re a cold, heartless cynic, you might take Thomas sob story with a grain of salt.