Category: Samantha Markle

THE QUEEN Was Once Served A Slug In Her Salad

November 13, 2018 / Posted by:

Private chefs must have tough jobs; constantly preparing overly-specific meals for finicky rich people must get irritating fast. Now imagine that rich person is the actual QUEEN of England. That shit is too real. The Mirror is reporting that the job may be open for new talent, as a cook once served up something the Queen certainly did not find appetizing: an actual slug. No word if she snapped for one of her minions and said, “I’ve got a Camilla in my salad. Banish it from my sight at once!”  Continue reading

Samantha Markle Says She Was Not Turned Away From Kensington Palace

October 10, 2018 / Posted by:

Samantha Markle is here to make it clear: she did not get turned away from Kensignton Palace. Sure, it looked like she was being told to step-the fuck aside and leave the premises before being escorted away, but that’s not at all what happened. Okay? She is a respectable member of the almost-Royal Family, okay? Samantha Markle is that bitch.

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Samantha Markle Got Denied At The Palace Gates

October 8, 2018 / Posted by:

Samantha Markle has made it her  job to actively destroy what was left of her relationship with her half-sister Duchess Meghan. And then all of a sudden, Samantha had a change of heart (possibly brought on by a heart transplant from a too-kind donor), and announced last week that she decided to take a trip to London on a sisterly peacekeeping mission. Well, Samantha tried to visit Meghan, and got turned away.

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Samantha Markle Went To London To Badger Duchess Meghan Into Liking Her

October 1, 2018 / Posted by:

Ever since Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry announced their engagement, her father and half-sister have been behaving like the nastiest Herpes outbreak that has lingered about 900 months past its expiration date. While Thomas Markle did every tacky thing he could pertaining to his daughter’s wedding short of showing up in white (though, I’m sure he would have even done that if his ass had shown up), his other daughter Samantha Markle has been seen as the fame ho extraordinaire behind most of his antics. She’s the one who set up that horribly staged photo op before the wedding, and she’s done petty shit like calling Meghan the “Duch-ASS.” Oh, Samantha. If you’re going to play in the Major Leagues, you’re going to have to come up with better material…like “She’s nothing reMARKLEable!” OK, I’ll let myself out.

Seeing that most of us have lost interest or prefer to talk about Cardi B, Samantha is now up to another trick…like leaving the U.S. for the first time to go to London and try to talk to Meghan face-to-face. I’m sure that will work out in her favor. Continue reading

Duchess Meghan Has Put Her Mom To Work! 

September 20, 2018 / Posted by:

Duchess Meghan’s mom, Doria Ragland, hasn’t moved to London yet. But a few days ago she flew over to her daughter’s new homeland, and if she thought she was going to spend her days there sipping gin and Morrissey tears with THE QUEEN (and guzzling down three after Prince Philip tottered on in and asked, “Who are you spongeing off, love?“), she thought wrong. Because today, Doria put her wavin’ hand and smilin’ mouth to work at the launch of the charity cookbook her daughter did with some of the survivors of the Grenfell Tower fire. Prince Hot Ginge also came along and won the title of Sexiest Third Wheel Ever.

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