What? No! How could anyone be afraid of Courtney Love? She’s just a sometimes-crazy, bad-with-money 52-year-old woman who does not play and hangs out with Sam Lutfi and okay I see it now. Run, Frances Bean Cobain’s ex, run!
I’m sure you’re absolutely shocked that a situation involving semi-professional disaster Courtney Love has gotten messy. But if you can believe it, she’s not even the messiest part of this story; that honor goes to the one and only Sam Lutfi.
Last week it was reported that Frances Bean was fighting with her soon-to-be ex-husband Isaiah Silva over a guitar that was used by Kurt Cobain during Nirvana’s MTV Unplugged performance. Isaiah claims the guitar – which is estimated to be worth several million dollars – was a wedding gift from Frances to him. Frances claims she never gave it to him as a gift, and she wants it back. A judge will ultimately decide who gets the guitar, but Courtney Love’s good friend Sam Lutfi is doing everything he can to fix it in Frances’ favor.
In an attempt to take a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to his grime-covered reputation as Hollywood’s recurring plantar wart, Sam Lutfi – the sleazy barnacle who spent most of 2007 permanently stuck to the back of Britney Spears and most recently the tricky ho responsible for getting Amanda Bynes checked into a mental health facility– wrote a piece for xoJane.com on Friday titled “It Happened To Me: I’m Sam Lutfi and I’m Trying to Help Amanda Bynes.” I guess Sam was sick of everyone playing negative word association games with his name (the most common being NO! and STAY AWAY!) and throwing him some epic side-eye regarding his involvement with Amanda Bynes, so he sat down and wrote an open letter to the haters who think he’s nothing more than a disaster-chasing opportunistic fame humper. According to Sam Lutfi, Sam Lutfi is a modern-day Mother Teresa for wayward starlets!
Amanda Bynes got checked into a mental health facility right after she tweeted luuuuuv to Sam Lutfi, and those two events are related. Yeah, duh, but it gets even worse than alarmingly bad character judgement. Everyone whose eyebrows immediately retreated into their hairlines and saw dancing pink wigs at the mention of his name gets a cookie (you’ll have to yell at your SO/kid/mom to get one of yours if you have some…sorry, I’m broke), because Sam was supposedly the one who tricked her into coming to LA to be guest of honor at a 5150 surprise party.
You may remember Sam from Britney Spears‘ 2008 breakdown, the one her parents accused him of bringing on by slipping Brit nefarious drug cocktails. No, I’m sure that he is a misunderstood hero that just has happens to have an odd penchant for being closely involved with fragile women when they are teetering on the edge and only has their best interests at heart. Sam is the one who supposedly tricked Amanda into going to LA, per TMZ:
Sam Lutfi…contacted Amanda Thursday and convinced her to sue her parents. He got her to fly to L.A. so he could hook her up with a lawyer. …[Then] the driver went to a Pasadena hospital which looked like an office building. Amanda thought she was going to see the lawyer but when she walked inside she was surrounded by hospital staff.
Amanda got checked into a psych ward for a few days and her parents reportedly view Sam as a saviour and are going to publicly thank him, right after they transfer money to a Nigerian prince who will then dump millions of dollars into their bank account.
Girl needs a hug and unfortunately for her she turned to Sam, who had his arms wide open while his heart tearfully put the lotion on its skin in the corner. How is it that all roads to Not Okay, CA make a stop at Sam Station? How does he get in with these women? Amanda and all famous and semi-famous ladies, listen. When you see someone listed as “5150callme” and his profile pic features a photobomb of side eye-ing sharks nervously holding up a <–PREDATOR sign, resist the urge to click. You don’t want to know that guy.
“Why did I just burp up a Frapp bubble? Why am I pulling pink wig hairs out of my mouth? Why do I suddenly have layers of gas station grease on the bottom of my bare feet?” are questions you probably just asked yourself and the answer is: Because we’re going back to 2007, y’all!
Former Cheeto puppet master, Sam Lutfi, is suing current Cheeto puppet masters, Brit Brit Spears’ parents, for defamation (Side note: I make typos on a minutely basis and I didn’t make a typo by typing “defecation” instead of “defamation.” I disappoint myself.) and they’re battling it out in court right now. During opening statements yesterday, TMZ says that Sam’s lawyer, Joseph Schleimer, alleged that Brit Brit shaved her weave off during her 2007 meltdown, because she was high on that Walter White stuff and was afraid she’d lose custody of her Cheetolings if she was drug tested. Sam claims that KFed always threatened to throw a drug test at Brit Brit, so she tried to thwart his plans by shaving the meth off of her head. (You know, because that’s the ONLY way they can find the meth in your system.)
Joseph Schleimer then went on to tell the jury that on the day Brit Brit was 5150’d, she went on a serious amphetamine binge. Brit Brit started her day by downing 8 Adderalls and she kept taking them until she eventually spiraled out of control and ended up on a stretcher. Sam tried to get Brit Brit psychiatric help just two days before her mind jumped out of her head, but she refused.
I don’t know who to side with here. On one side, you’ve got Sam Lutfi who controlled a mentally-ill human ATM machine by shoving meds into her mouth. On the other side, you’ve got Team Daddy Spears, who are controlling a mentally-ill human ATM machine by shoving meds into her mouth. But Daddy Spears does make a mean pot of Velveeta grits, so I’ll go with him.
Sam could be right about the meth thing since Brit Brit did have a case of serious meth weave, but then again, you too would look methed-out of your mind if your daily diet consisted only of Mountain Dew, gas station nachos, caffeinated whipped cream and pink slime (see: Honey Boo Boo Chile).
So in totally not orchestrated to keep her non-working ass in the news news, Radar is reporting that the cat fight between Mother-Of-The-Year and her spawn (not Ali but what’s-her-crack) was not over $40K that Lindsay allegedly
gave her mom to pay the coke dealer gave her mother to keep her home out of foreclosure then tried to take back, but over REHAB!! Grab a cup of bitch, please, stir in a couple of spoonfuls of stfd and stfu and join me in trying to internalize this. (NOT LIKE THAT!!! Gross).
So Linds, as the story goes, got into it with her mom in a trashy free for all brawl that I wish someone would upload on youtube, not because of money but because Linds at 4am, after clubbing, decided the time was right to bring up her mom’s need for weaning herself off the bad shit. I think I speak for everyone when I say HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
Okay, first. When LiLo is checking your ass up, you have some major issues that are far beyond the free clinic’s repertoire. I don’t think they’ve created a rehab on this level of CODE 10 MAN DOWN WTMFF situation. Second, when you are throwing fists at your Mom/daughter on the front lawn and you don’t live in a trailer, you have lost at life. I don’t know who to feel sorry for here. Between Michael Lohan’s release of the recorded conversation to Dina “kidnapping” her daughter to Lindsay telling her mom that SHE needs rehab (she does, but I mean come on. It’s like a homeless man telling you to get a job), I guess I’ll just feel sorry for all of us who have to read about this mess.
What would Dr. Phil say??? At least Scallywagandvagabond says they kissed and made up later. Collecive Awwwwwwww…wtf.
(Thank you M.E.!)