During last night’s Oscars, Dakota Johnson presented with her Fifty Shades Duller co-star Jamie Dornan, and they did a hilarious bit where they pretended to have chemistry with each other. Clearly Dakota was afraid all the crotch-searing sexuality between her and Jamie would be too much for the audience to handle, and she dressed accordingly. And by accordingly, I mean she counter-balanced it by dressing in an unsexy satin nightgown situation that was made by Gucci.
Salma Hayek’s fingers must have gotten tired from scrolling through all the internet hate she was getting yesterday. Last night she attempted to shut everyone up with an explanation of the patronizing comments she made to Jessica Williams during a Sundance lunch for women in film. As you already know, Salma played the “taken out of context” card.
During the Sundance Film Festival last week, a fancy lunch was held for women in film and things got uncomfortable. A “fancy lunch fight” made me picture former Daily Show correspondent Jessica Williams calling Salma Hayek out for yanking the last gluten-free roll from the breadbasket before asking if anyone wanted it first. But according to the Los Angeles Times, the fight was more serious and messier.
Lately, Jared Leto has been looking like the pure definition of a fashion victim, and at The Fashion Awards 2016 in London last night, he turned it all the way up. If Jared and his stylist were going for “Willy Wonka after getting a bootleg Beatles haircut and dye job and moving to The Valley to become a sleazy porn producer,” they nailed it hard. That Gucci’d out ensemble just screams, “I’m going to make you a STAH, baby, now let’s go back to my place to sign the contracts….” Trick looks like the orgy baby that every character in Boogie Nights made together.
Well, I guess if you’re going to look like Liberace as seen through the eyes of Terry Richardson, a fashion awards show is the place to do it. And Jared Leto, who is becoming a Fighting The Hot Grand Champion, must’ve gotten sick of hos throwing their coochies and assholes at him all the time, so he turned himself into a walking boner killer by getting a janky bowl cut that looks like it was done with safety scissors. That’ll do it!
Here’s a million more pictures from The Fashion Awards. Come for David Gandy (“You can say that again.” – your genitals) and stay for Donatella Versace serving up Solid Gold Muppet sexiness.
Salma Hayek has a story about Donald Trump where he comes off as sleazy and vindictive. There’s the line, Salma. It’s pretty long. Hope you have a FastPass.
That’s why she’s wearing that, right?
And in this month’s episode of “Salma Hayek, You Are Married To A Billionaire, You Don’t Have To Do This Shit,” Salma Hayek showed up to the Stella McCartney show at Paris Fashion Week on Monday looking like the definition of “fashion victim” violently threw up all over her. While her billionaire husband François-Henri Pinault dressed like he doesn’t give one damn, Salma looked like she was styled by Derek Zoolander using crap that Edina Monsoon was about to throw out. If you threw in a pair of diamond grillz, it’s what Madonna would wear to parent-teacher conference night, and yes, Rocco Ritchie would immediately run out the exit door and take her private jet to his dad’s house. Salma needs to immediately go to the nearest FedEx and return those post-cataract sunglasses to Skrillex’s grandma and send those shoes to a charity benefiting needy ravers.
Salma’s billionaire husband’s company is a partner of the Stella McCartney label, so maybe Salma wore that mess because she had to and it’s good for her man’s business (but is it really?). If that’s the case, dude better rip up their prenup since Salma has already gone above and beyond the call of duty by wearing this foolery out in public.