Salma Hayek has been married to Francois-Henri Pinault, billionaire fashion mogul and CEO of the company that owns luxury brands like Gucci, since 2009. She always talks about how Linda Evangelista’s baby father is her soulmate and how “#luckyinlove” they are. Well, I guess the feeling is mutual because he surprised her with a vow renewal ceremony while they were luxuriating in Bora Bora.
Note that I left out the word “mess,” as there’s no question that the messiest part of the red carpet was most likely the three square feet of space occupied by Ryan Seacrest.
If there was an award for red carpet fashion that makes you question a stylist’s sanity, Nicole Kidman would be that category’s Meryl Streep. Nicole arrived in an Armani Prive gown that does double duty. From the waist-up she’s very mascot of a sexy frozen fish company, and from the waist down I’m getting a reminder to please separate my plastic recyclables from my paper.
While the Golden Globes was all about #MeToo, BuzzFeed points out that the Oscars were a bit more relaxed with it. Ashley Judd, Annabella Sciorra, and Salma Hayek did talk about Time’s Up a bit during the ceremony, in Jimmy Kimmel’s opening monologue, he tore into Harvey Weinstein and how tone deaf Hollywood had been by joking, “Here’s how clueless Hollywood is about women. They made a movie called What Women Want and it literally starred Mel Gibson.” I’m sure that pissed off Mel’s BFF4L Jodie Foster, and I’m sure she wanted to hit Jimmy with her crutch over.
There seemed to be fewer Time’s Up pins on dresses and jackets. But Emma Watson tried to represent the movement with a most likely temporary tattoo, but she got dragged for not running her tattoo idea through Microsoft Word spellcheck because it lacked an apostrophe.
Her “Time’s Up” was a sad “Times Up,” which everyone knows is how you lose a fight in the family text thread. No matter if you made the most logical argument as to why you should get to skip Christmas at home this year, the first sign of lackluster punctuation shows you’re an ignoramus and everyone’s punching bag for the next seven years. Great work, Emma! Time’s Up is ruined because you missed apostrophe class at Brown!
Here’s more of Emma and her “Times Up” tattoo and baby bangs last night.
He looks like if Damien from The Omen got a job at Jiffy Lube. That’s current Hollywood slobber object Timothee Chalamat holding his statue for Best Male Lead for his part as a teenage twink in love with a much older dude in Call Me By Your Name. The Independent Spirit Awards were held yesterday. Variety reports that Jordan Peele’s “white people really ARE evil!” horror/comedy/satire Get Out won for Best Feature and Best Director, and honestly, why is Timothee dressed like a gas station attendant? Surely choosing an outfit for these things isn’t that much of a stressor that you say “eff it” and go with coveralls?
It would have been a nearly all-black fashion show at the BAFTAs in London last night, in honor of the Time’s Up movement. But the class average was brought down by Duchess Kate (who was prevented from wearing black by royal no-politics protocol), and Frances McDormand (who just didn’t feel like it and showed up in pink-on-black instead).
For mostly everyone else, it was a multitude of black. Or black with a random kick of not-black, like Allison Janney. And by random, I mean a satin choker bolero on top of a Bibhu Mohapatra dress. It looks like a shirt made from the bottom half of Roger the Alien from American Dad that was put on backwards and upside down.
Angelina Jolie Decided To Fulfill Someone’s Feathered 60s Fantasy Last Night (And Other Looks From The Golden Globes)
Almost everyone who walked the Golden Globes red carpet this year wore black to protest Hollywood’s sexual misconduct problem. One thing that wasn’t being protested was good taste. There were a lot of black velvet outfits on that red carpet. Sure, it’s a bit of an obvious choice, but a choice I was absolutely here for, because anything that makes my brain start blasting “Black Velvet” by Alannah Myles gets two thumbs up from me.
But some people went a little more experimental with their all-black interpretation. Like Angelina Jolie, who showed up to the Golden Globes in some goth Lawrence Welk Show realness by Atelier Versace. It’s a little Barbra Streisand at the 1969 Oscars, with a splash of 60s televangelist, all poured onto a fainting couch and garnished with, “But detective, I swear my husband was dead when I found him!”