Category: Ryan Seacrest

Ryan Seacrest Got In Front Of An Impending Sexual Harrassment Accusation

November 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Et tu, Seacrest? Does it surprise anyone that Ryan Seacrest is the proactive sort? That whole “frosted tips/I swear I’m totally straight/Chillin’ while hostin’/ dude-bro” thing is obviously just a veneer. Inside he’s actually a Type A personality, choking on repressed anger and so laser-focused on his career that Richwood Pharmaceuticals used his blood samples to make the prototype for Adderall! Variety reports that Seacrest didn’t wait for E! to find out if an alleged impending sexual harassment claim against him is valid or not. He’s already apologized in a statement released on Friday. Sort of. Continue reading


Open Post: Hosted By The Property Brothers As The Wonder Sisters

October 31, 2017 / Posted by:

You’re either reaching for a bottle of Visine’s holy water drops, because your eyes need cleansing after laying them on that unholy sight of fuck effort drag, an F minus tuck game and Control Top L’Eggs. Or you’re reaching for the industrial-strength Morton brand of smelling salts, because nothing gives you the head-to-toe vapors like seeing the panty cream-inducing sight of two Fun House Mirror Jonas Brothers in fuck effort drag and Control Top L’Eggs. Hey, what’s one man’s Control Top L’Eggs nightmare is another man’s Control Top L’eggs wet fantasy.

The current reigning sweethearts of HGTV (now that the Fixer Upper couple are busting out of there), The Property Brothers, did a little renovating on themselves for Shallowqueen by dragging it up as Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman (see: Drew Scott, on the left) and Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman (see: Jonathan Scott, on the right). The half-melted Jesus wax figurines stuffed their Canadian sausages into Rite-Aid Wonder Woman costumes for LIVE with Kelly and Ryan’s Halloween episode. Kelly and Ryan, who wore 12 costumes total, also Wonder Woman’d themselves along with Gelman and that one pepaw. I love how Ryan is really butching it up hardcore. Ryan may be in drag, but he’s still a NASCAR-loving, Budweiser-guzzling, pussy-destroying heterosexual straight bro.

And once you’re done with that bottle of smelling salts, send it to me via drone. I need to shove several bottles up my nostrils before I have a full-body O from seeing Jonathina Scott poke at Michaela Gelman’s Wonder Woman bulge (at the 1:18 mark).


Kelly Ripa Put Her Pump Down Over Ryan Seacrest Going On “Good Morning America”

October 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Page Six is reporting that Kelly Ripa’s new co-host, Ryan Seacrest, was to make an appearance on Good Morning America with the FINALLY complete American Idol judging lineup Wednesday, but Kelly threw a fit at the last minute and he had to cancel, so the judges did the appearance sans their Ryan, who a source says is scared shitless of his yapping lapdog of a co-host.

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Ryan Seacrest Blames Mariah Carey For That Disaster Of A NYE Performance

September 24, 2017 / Posted by:

We’re about to enter the homestretch for 2017 and we’re still fascinated by “The Humiliation Of Mimi” aka Mariah Carey’s clustereff of an NYE performance in Times Square. Mimi and her sparkletoe haughtily sashayed across the stage, shading everyone but herself when seeming technical difficulties made her rendition of “Emotions” look like an aborted karaoke attempt. Afterwards, Mimi and Dick Clark Productions (who have produced the NYE TImes Square show for ABC for umpteen years) hissed at each other in the press as to whose fault it was. But, during an appearance on Watch What Happens Live!, omnipresent hosting entity Ryan Seacrest insinuated that the fault ultimately lay with Ms. Carey, according to People. Continue reading

Ryan Seacrest Is Officially The Host Of The “American Idol” Reboot

July 20, 2017 / Posted by:

Much to the surprise of no one I’m sure, Ryan Seacrest – the perpetually-smiling theme park animatronic who longs to one day be a real boy – has officially been named as the host of ABC’s American Idol. Variety says ABC confirmed the news after Kelly Ripa announced it on Live With Kelly and Ryan this morning. “She just had to be the one to do it” probably thought Michael Strahan.

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