Obviously nothing can beat the perfection of Clue: The Movie, but Hollywood has been determined to make a remake happen for years now. The last time we checked in, 20th Century Fox had plans to make the stale hamburger version of Clue: The Movie’s filet mignon by creating a big-budget “global thriller” blockbuster. As it turns out, we’re not even getting hamburger anymore. Hollywood might be giving us human-grade dog food beef chunks in the form of a Clue movie made by Ryan Reynolds and the Deadpool writing team.
Deadpool 2 has started filming. Affable Canadian hardbody Ryan Reynolds is reprising his role as the chatty assassin with the hot bod and jacked-up face. Josh Brolin has joined the cast and is playing one of Deadpool’s frenemies, a cyborg mercenary from the future named Cable. Oh, don’t you love the convoluted comic book universe? Both of these dudes are currently in the gym working on their fitness. Deadpool creator Rob Liefeld and Ryan’s personal trainer Don Saladino Instagrammed the guys’ nipples for our viewing pleasure.
As if Madonna needed to physically show us how thirsty she is. We know, girl!
Every year, Madonna descends upon the Met Gala with more excitement than a clown who just snorted a line of crushed espresso beans. Last night was no different. Madonna showed up in Duck Dy-Nasty camo couture, swigging something from a canteen. Who cares what the theme was; Madonna wanted to do drunk Bass Pro Shops beauty pageant queen, and so that’s what Madonna is gonna do.
Of course, Madonna did disappoint a teeny tiny bit. I’m of course talking about the fact that her ass – arguably the Met Gala’s most frequent guest – was nowhere to be seen last night. Given the theme of her ensemble, she could have taken it further by letting her ass cheeks flop around behind her like two plucked mallards. Madonna’s look was done by Jeremy Scott for Moschino, so I blame him for that.
Actually, that’s not true. Time magazine seems a bit too stuffy and uptight to partner with such a sexy retailer. But that didn’t stop model Ashley Graham from slinking onto the red carpet of the annual Time 100 Gala in New York City last night in a silk nightie and robe combo. Oh, and a corset belt and jeweled choker, because Ashley clearly knows the difference between a proper formal lingerie look and looking like you just woke up from an afternoon catnap in your sugar daddy’s mansion.
The Golden Globes turned out to be your theater queen friend who has seen La La Land a hundred times, has one of the songs as his ringtone and throws you the most disgusting look every time you say you haven’t seen it yet and really have no desire to do so. La La Land won everything including Best Actor – Comedy or Musical for Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling was up against the other Ryan, future Oscar winner (in his head) Ryan Reynolds for Deadpool. When Ryan beat Ryan, it wasn’t Blake NotSoLively who sucked the sad rejection out of him by sucking his face. It was Andrew Garfield. If you’re a Marvel nerd, lock the door, pull down your pants and grab the lotion.
You probably missed Ryan Reynolds & Andrew Garfield making out at the #GoldenGlobes, so here. On the left.
— Complex Pop Culture (@ComplexPop) January 9, 2017
Seriously, my thoughts and prayers are with the parents of gay Marvel nerds. Because I can’t even imagine what happened when nerds watched Deadpool and Spider-Man make love to each other’s mouths. I bet that many moms are going to walk into their sons’ rooms tomorrow and wonder why the carpet is covered with dried evaporated milk. “Were you making a dozen tres leches cakes in here or something?” is what mom is going to scream.
Deadpool and Spider-Man don’t do things to me, but I’ll take man-on-man action however I can get it. I was hoping that the man-on-man hotness would’ve rubbed off on Jake Gyllenhaal and Luke Bracey and made them tongue each other good.
Pic: @People, Getty
Ryan Reynolds has milked a lot of mileage out of Deadpool. He won the 2016 Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actor in a Comedy, two MTV Movie Awards, got himself a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and was nominated for a Golden Globe. But what Ryan really wants is an Oscar nomination. Oh, how Ryan would love to hear the words “Academy Award-nominated actor Ryan Reynolds” in all upcoming movie trailers.