Either a third child is growing in Blake NotSoLively’s womb, or the double-stuffed chili cheese burrito and pizza fries she had for lunch brought out the bloat in a major way and she’s embracing that bloat positivity. Blake’s rep wouldn’t say, but I’m going with those offical breeders have bred again!
Since Blake’s antebellum fever dream version of GOOP shut down in 2015 (Forever4Get Preserve.us), she couldn’t announce her latest pregnancy in an exclusive photo shoot where she gracefully lies her pregnant body in a cotton field as models dressed in slave couture gently pat her dewy forehead with a wet lace rag. So instead, Blake did herself up like Totally Hair Barbie going to an Easter-themed prom in 1992 and brought her bump to her husband’s movie premiere in NYC last night.
Variety has published a list of the top earning celebrities for 2019 and Martin Lawrence is sitting pretty at the big boys’ (and girls, and Tommy Girl’s) table. And no, I’m not talking about that Martin Lawrence, I’m talking about original recipe Martin Lawrence. Thanks to his Bad Boys For Life co-star Will Smith, Martin Fitzgerald Lawrence out-earned Academy Award nominees Jessica Chastain and Joaquin Phoenix. The three-time Kid’s Choice nominee was paid $6 million for reprising his role in the Bad Boys 3-sequel. I guess that creepy genie really can make wishes come true!
After a years-long absence of her insufferable Fourth of July party, Taylor Swift is back, new, and improved. This time it’s all about the insufferable New Year’s Eve party! It’s been over two years since Taylor made her squad dress up and pose like an elementary school birthday party for her annual bE$t EvArRRr Independence Day party. Just when the squad thought it was safe to wear normal clothes to her parties, Taylor appears to have made everyone ring out 2018 in their best Party City costumes.
Deadline is reporting that there’s going to be a remake of Home Alone. But unlike every other remake which is kicking that dead horse hard, this remake is going with a dank new idea. Ryan Reynolds is going to produce Stoned Alone, which is being developed at Fox, with Augustine Frizzell directing. Kevin Burrows and Matt Mider are writing the script, both of them signed on to the production as soon as they were pitched it. The idea apparently came from a Fox exec named Matt Reilly whose office is probably a hotbox mecca.
My biggest gripe about the U.S. is that our talk shows and TV in general are so much more boring than what they have overseas. They’ve made Celine Dion gargle out the Titanic theme song, and now they’ve put Ryan Reynolds in a unicorn mask to fool a bunch of contestants on a Korean game show who had to guess who was the voice behind “Tomorrow” from Annie. Continue reading
Last year, Ryan Reynolds tried his level best to get himself nominated for an Oscar for Deadpool. I don’t know how much pull Ryan has over at the Deadpool offices (a lot I’m guessing), but it was enough to get them to hire Oscar-Maker-In-Chief Céline Dion to do a song and video for Deadpool 2. And to great comic effect, they totally played it straight (for the most part). Throughout the entire song I was waiting for Céline to pull off her rubber mask (that cannot be her actual face) and reveal that she was Deadpool all along. But no! Deadpool is in it too. And he’s a maniac on the floor.
Here’s the video for Ashes!
It’s actually a great Céline jam! The goobers at my karaoke spot will be singing this song by weeks’ end. We don’t deserve Celine. She’s a treasure and the world will forever be in Canada’s debt for sharing her. She’s worth suffering a thousand Biebers. Ok, one additional Bieber and three Drakes. But we expect greatness from Celine. There is nothing she can’t sing while glowing incandescently. But if Ryan really wants that Oscar, I’m going to need to know that he was actually doing his own dancing in this video. I want to believe that it was, but know deep down that it wasn’t. And if that’s the case, if anybody’s getting an Oscar out of this stunt, if will be Céline and Céline alone.