Category: Ryan Sweeting
Ryan Sweeting’s Spousal Support Dreams Have Been Crushed
Woe is Ryan Sweeting! Poor Ryan Sweeting probably thought that when he scores a giant monthly spousal support check from Kaley Cuoco, he’d finally be able to switch from ironing his locks straight with an actual iron Tracy Turnblad-style to regular Keratin treatments. But sadly for him, he’s can’t throw that iron out anytime soon. Because Ryan Sweeting and Kaley Cuoco’s divorce has been finalized and it doesn’t look like he’ll be inducted into the Gold Digger Hall of Fame.
Kaley Cuoco’s Soon-To-Be Ex-Husband Wants Spousal Support From Her
In the 21 months they were married, Kaley Cuoco brought in millions upon millions of dollars since she reportedly makes $1 million an episode for The Big Bang Theory, and Ryan Sweeting probably brought in nothing but a half dozen couch farts since he allegedly spent most of his time popping pills while watching TV. Ryan is a pro tennis player but he didn’t really make any money during their marriage because injuries supposedly kept him from the court. So it makes sense that he wants Kaley to drop a lump of money into his checking account every month. The Gold Diggers Union better start printing out Ryan’s membership card.
Kaley filed for divorce on September 25th. E! says that Ryan recently responded to her filing by filing legal documents where he asked for spousal support and of course, let it be known that he doesn’t want to pay her any spousal support. In the divorce papers Kaley filed last month, she said that all property and spousal support shit was worked out in the prenup, which they signed a month before they got married. The prenup also states that Kaley and Ryan must pay their own legal fees, but he’s asked the court to shit on that clause. He wants Kaley to pay his legal fees too.
Screw a spousal support check! Ryan should fight Kaley for half of her entire fortune! He’d probably get it, because all he’d have to do is go to court and show the judge the ugly tattoo of her name he got inked into his arm. If that isn’t a clear cut sign of pain, suffering and humiliation, I don’t know what is.
Pic: Wenn.com
UsWeekly Says That Kaley Cuoco’s Marriage Ended Because Of Her Husband’s Addiction To Pills
Ryan Sweeting’s hair in that picture is a painful reminder of when I fried my hair while trying to relax it myself. My ends have never been the same again.
When Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting announced that they were divorcing after only 21 months of being married, I figured that they just got around to getting to know each other and decided that they hate each other. It happens. But a “source” tells UsWeekly (via The Daily Mail) that their marriage fell apart after he got addicted to dolls.
Apparently, Ryan had problems with pills long before he met Kaley, but he had sobered up before they had their first date. A few months after they met, Ryan, who’s a tennis player, injured his back and the doctor gave him painkillers. That fucked up his sobriety majorly and it probably didn’t help that Kaley made him watch The Big Bang Theory every week. The source claims that Ryan’s pill addiction came back and Kaley tried to get him into rehab, but when nothing worked she busted out some tough love and left him. The source said this:
“She supported him but she said he couldn’t make the commitment to get sober. He’d tell her he was working on it and instead go get wasted. She couldn’t fix him. He wasn’t the man she thought he was. It was also noted, She couldn’t take his ups and downs.’ And there were the fights. He’d lash out at her.”
This story is coming from sources with no faces, so it’s to be taken with an entire salt lick, but…. Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting did live in the same house that Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom lived in. Khloe and Lamar’s marriage ended in that house. Kaley and Ryan’s marriage ended in that house. Lamar got addicted to the bad shit. Ryan may be addicted to pills. That house is cursed! Since Tangina is longer here to clean that house, that house must be burned to the ground, the earth on which it stood should be salted and Khlozilla needs to be jailed for not warning Kaley about it!
Who Needs A Husband When You’ve Got Horse Friends?
Many of us spent our weekends with an ice pack on top of our heads, because we knocked a knot into our skulls when we fell over after reading the shocking news about how Kaley Cuoco’s marriage of 21 months threw itself into a casket. But well, Kaley isn’t sitting at home crying into a bowl of cake batter while Tinder swiping her way to her next quickie husband. Kaley is back in the saddle and yes, it’s only Monday and I already hate myself for making that pun.
No, that picture above isn’t Kaley kissing on her new rebound Trace Cyrus. That picture is of Kaley kissing on one of her horses who is a sneeze away from giving her a horse snot facial. Kaley spent the weekend mending her broken heart with horse love (and not in an Equus way, I think). Kaley competed in some horse-jumping event in La Cañada Flintridge, CA and she Instagrammed pictures of her horses including a picture of her divorce present to herself: a new horse named Zaza. Kaley was busy on Instagram, because when she wasn’t posting pictures of her horse friends, she was busy doing the social media version of cutting your man’s face out of pictures. Kaley erased Ryan Sweeting’s face from her Instagram page. Kaley also took off her wedding ring, so it seems like she’s happy to be done with Whatshisname. A source also tells People that before they broke up, Kaley and Ryan seemed like they hated each other, which sometimes happens when you a marry trick you’ve known for 5 seconds.
“The few times Kaley and Ryan were out together recently, the tension was noticeable. You could tell the honeymoon phase had ended. It seemed they were trying to work out their marriage by going on dates, but they both seemed miserable.”
Kaley will probably have a new fiancé by the end of the month, but she shouldn’t bother with human dudes when horse friends are much better. Yes, a horse is a freeloader as much as Ryan Sweeting is, but a horse lives somewhere else, won’t argue with you since it can’t speak human words and…and…and I better stop here before I write some gross crap that sounds like it was ripped out of Zoo.
Kaley Cuoco And Her Husband Have Quit Each Other After 21 Months Of Marriage
Kaley Cuoco moved one-time pro tennis player Ryan Sweeting into her house after their first blind date, and three months later they were engaged, and three months after that they were married. Bitch was like a Jennifer Love Hewitt in heat. She was ready for that ring. Because they got married faster than a strict Catholic after finding out she’s knocked up, us bitter hating bitches gave the marriage a total of 11 months max. But well, Kaley and Ryan really showed us, because they lasted 21 months! I guess Kaley’s high from being a good old-fashioned little housewife ended, because her rep tells People that she and her man are getting divorced.
“Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting have mutually decided to end their marriage. They ask for privacy at this time. No further statement will be issued regarding this matter.”
I hope Kaley rebounds with her ex-pap stroller Henry Cavill, because I really miss their shameless STUNT QUEEN struts to the supermarket.
And well, Kaley got her wedding date (12/31/13) tattooed on her back, so I’m guessing she’s either going to be spending a little time with a laser in the near future or she’s hunting for a dude she can quickie marry on New Year’s Eve.
But seriously, it’s Fall and the Summer of Splits is still eating true love whole. Just this week we learned that Glenn Close is single and today we find out that Amanda Carrington AND Kaley Cuoco are getting a divorce. I’m just going to go ahead and take a wild guess and say that all these women are divorcing their dudes, because Jon Hamm is single and they want to spend all their free time trying to catch the Hammaconda. I don’t blame them.
Here’s Kaley and her future ex-husband at some event last month.
Mr. Kaley Cuoco Is Going To Regret This Stellar Idea
Obviously Ryan Sweeting, the poor sap who is legally obligated to fawn over Kaley Cuoco ’til imploding Hollywood marriage do they part, didn’t get the memo that NOBODY who isn’t saying something nice for PR’s sake is putting money on their marital bliss lasting.
Ryan put a picture of this giant ass “Kaley” tattoo on his Instagram (which, by the way, is “ryansweething” and yeah, I did one of these followed by this).
Someone couldn’t have thrown a Magic 8 Ball his way? A Ouija board? A Google image of Johnny Depp’s “Wino Forever” tattoo? Their crazy uncle’s glass eye that he swears has magical powers? Anything Ryan could have used to look into the future to see that he should spend some of his kept boy toy allowance on a gift certificate for laser tattoo removal with an expiration date no more than a year away?
Someone once told me a story about an 18-year-old girl who got the name “Richard” tattooed on her inner thigh with an arrow pointing up toward her holla bits. At the very least, she should have had it say “Dick” so it would be universal for every guy that came after him (pun 100% intended).
(Pic: Instagram)