I don’t whether to scream out a million FUCK YESes over Lady Gaga not getting cast as plastic orchid Donatella Versace, or scream out a million NOOOOOOooos over La Bruja from Real Housewives of Miami getting shamelessly robbed of the role!
Ryan Murphy already made many breathe out a giant sigh of relief by saying that Lady Gaga is too busy to play Donatella Versace in the third season of American Crime Story, which is going to focus on the murder of Gianni Versace. Ryan said that they were in talks with an Oscar-winner to play Donatella and my guess was Charlize Theron. But FX announced today that the Oscar-winner who will throw on a wig of bleached straw, a melting rubber Muppet mask and a thick Italian accent to play Donatella will be Penelope Cruz.
TVLine says that filming for Versace: ACS will start next month. It will air sometime in 2018 after the second season of American Crime Story airs. The second season is about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and the fourth season is about the Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton sex escandalo.
Darren Criss is playing Andrew Cunanan and Edgar Ramirez will be Gianni Versace in Versace: ACS.
I don’t totally hate this and mainly because one of my favorite Penelope Cruz performances is when she played a gold digging coke whore in Blow. She wore a blond wig in that for a second. So maybe going blond again will bring out yet another magnificent performance from her.
And since I brought up Penelope Cruz’s highly riveting performance in Blow, here’s the scene that should’ve gotten her a thousand Oscars:
You know…. seeing Johnny Depp with that blond hair is making me say that his ass should’ve played Donatella!
The first season of FX’s Feud, which is about the legendary diva battle between Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, doesn’t start airing until this Sunday and we don’t know if it’s a hit or not. But FX has already given Ryan Murphy and company the okay to start working on season two of Feud. I was really hoping that season 2 would be Feud: Shannen and Jennie with Shannen Doherty as Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth as Jennie Garth (hey, if Gabrielle Carteris’ 30-year-old ass got away with playing a high schooler, then Shannen and Jennie can get away with playing their late-teen and twenty-something selves). Sadly, Ryan already said that Bette v. Joan would probably be the only Hollywood feud they cover, so they’re moving on to the royals. And double sadly, they’re not doing Prince George v. EVERYONE.
Sure, blame it on the booze! Entirety of television owner Ryan Murphy admitted he was just a little bit tipsy when he went on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live last week and told that annoying but kind of hot (don’t judge) Andy Cohen that the next season of American Horror Story would be about the 2016 election. Ryan even hinted that Donald Trump might be a character.
Despite that being a valid topic for a show about abject horror, Ryan nows says that he was shittoed and exaggerating.
Ryan Murphy was on Watch What Happens Live last night and he spilled some info on two of the 300,000 shows he’s currently working on. Ryan confirmed that season 4 of American Crime Story will focus on the Monica Lewinsky/Bill Clinton sex scandal and adds that he’s talking to Sarah Paulson about possibly playing the role that will forever belong to John Goodman: the role of Linda Tripp. Ryan doesn’t think that the Clintons will be major characters in it and wants to cast an unknown as Monica Lewinsky. That high-pitched hyena sound that is fucking your eardrums hard is Lea Michele screaming while cutting up the beret she bought to play Monica.
Season 2 of ACS is about Katrina and will start shooting this summer. Season 3 of ACS is about the Gianni Versace murder and it starts shooting in the spring, but will air after Katrina. Ryan dropped a shock bomb (wrapped in a thick, puffy layer of sarcasm) last night by announcing that Darren Criss will play Andrew Cunanan. Hot Venezuelan piece Edgar Ramirez will play Versace. Ryan says that they’re talking to an Oscar-winner about playing Donatella. I’m going to guess either Charlize Theron, or Daniel Day-Lewis, who can really do it all.
As for the 7th season of American Horror Story… Ryan and company will grab their viewers by the ankles and drag ’em back to the chunky shit hellscape that was the 2016 presidential election. Although, compared to what’s happening now, I look at those innocent, sweet days fondly.
Break Out Your Cum-Stained Gap Dress, Because “American Crime Story” May Take On The Clinton/Lewinsky Sex Scandal
American Crime Story’s second season, which is about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, hasn’t even started shooting yet but Ryan Murphy is already looking beyond season two. The third season of ACS will follow sociopath killer Andrew Cunanan (and thank all the gods for Ryan not casting Lady Gaga as Donatella Versace), and it looks like the fourth season may take us back to the days of cigar sex, lies and berets.
When it was announced last month that the third season of American Crime Story would focus on the murder of Gianni Versace, Michael, myself, and everyone else pleaded with the television gods to spare us from Lady Gaga as Donatella Versace. Either the prayer reception up in Television Heaven isn’t too good or A-list Donatella impersonator Miss Fame was busy with a prior commitment, because Gaga is reportedly a done deal.