Olivia de Havilland has spent 101 years on this earth with her reputation as a lady of class and decorum intact. But she’s here to tell you tricks that she did not live through two world wars, the rise and fall of the soviet union, the great depression and getting upstaged by Joan Crawford’s shoulder pads only to have Ryan Murphy drag her good name through the mud with his little television program. And Olivia is not going to let another year go by without exacting her revenge.
Feud: Bette and Joan was a hoot, if you’re into glamorous Golden Age of Hollywood catfights and loyal maids telling the groundskeepers to shut up about not getting paid. Susan Sarandon was crackling as she sort of gave us Bette Davis. I’m not sure who Jessica Lange was playing but, nonetheless, she was entertaining as hell.
The series was structured around other Hollywood stars of yore giving fictional interviews about Bette and Joan Crawford at an Oscars ceremony in the 1970s. Bette’s loyal bestie, Olivia de Havilland, was played by Catherine Zeta-Jones as a classy broad (despite referring to her own legendary feud with her “bitch sister,” actress Joan Fontaine) and just chock full of gossip about the two insane divas. Despite her positive portrayal, Olivia is suing television gay mafia head and Feud creator Ryan Murphy and FX. Look for Ryan to make this into a series for Feud’s sixth reboot in 2047.
I don’t whether to scream out a million FUCK YESes over Lady Gaga not getting cast as plastic orchid Donatella Versace, or scream out a million NOOOOOOooos over La Bruja from Real Housewives of Miami getting shamelessly robbed of the role!
Ryan Murphy already made many breathe out a giant sigh of relief by saying that Lady Gaga is too busy to play Donatella Versace in the third season of American Crime Story, which is going to focus on the murder of Gianni Versace. Ryan said that they were in talks with an Oscar-winner to play Donatella and my guess was Charlize Theron. But FX announced today that the Oscar-winner who will throw on a wig of bleached straw, a melting rubber Muppet mask and a thick Italian accent to play Donatella will be Penelope Cruz.
TVLine says that filming for Versace: ACS will start next month. It will air sometime in 2018 after the second season of American Crime Story airs. The second season is about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and the fourth season is about the Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton sex escandalo.
Darren Criss is playing Andrew Cunanan and Edgar Ramirez will be Gianni Versace in Versace: ACS.
I don’t totally hate this and mainly because one of my favorite Penelope Cruz performances is when she played a gold digging coke whore in Blow. She wore a blond wig in that for a second. So maybe going blond again will bring out yet another magnificent performance from her.
And since I brought up Penelope Cruz’s highly riveting performance in Blow, here’s the scene that should’ve gotten her a thousand Oscars:
You know…. seeing Johnny Depp with that blond hair is making me say that his ass should’ve played Donatella!
The first season of FX’s Feud, which is about the legendary diva battle between Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, doesn’t start airing until this Sunday and we don’t know if it’s a hit or not. But FX has already given Ryan Murphy and company the okay to start working on season two of Feud. I was really hoping that season 2 would be Feud: Shannen and Jennie with Shannen Doherty as Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth as Jennie Garth (hey, if Gabrielle Carteris’ 30-year-old ass got away with playing a high schooler, then Shannen and Jennie can get away with playing their late-teen and twenty-something selves). Sadly, Ryan already said that Bette v. Joan would probably be the only Hollywood feud they cover, so they’re moving on to the royals. And double sadly, they’re not doing Prince George v. EVERYONE.
Sure, blame it on the booze! Entirety of television owner Ryan Murphy admitted he was just a little bit tipsy when he went on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live last week and told that annoying but kind of hot (don’t judge) Andy Cohen that the next season of American Horror Story would be about the 2016 election. Ryan even hinted that Donald Trump might be a character.
Despite that being a valid topic for a show about abject horror, Ryan nows says that he was shittoed and exaggerating.
Ryan Murphy was on Watch What Happens Live last night and he spilled some info on two of the 300,000 shows he’s currently working on. Ryan confirmed that season 4 of American Crime Story will focus on the Monica Lewinsky/Bill Clinton sex scandal and adds that he’s talking to Sarah Paulson about possibly playing the role that will forever belong to John Goodman: the role of Linda Tripp. Ryan doesn’t think that the Clintons will be major characters in it and wants to cast an unknown as Monica Lewinsky. That high-pitched hyena sound that is fucking your eardrums hard is Lea Michele screaming while cutting up the beret she bought to play Monica.
Season 2 of ACS is about Katrina and will start shooting this summer. Season 3 of ACS is about the Gianni Versace murder and it starts shooting in the spring, but will air after Katrina. Ryan dropped a shock bomb (wrapped in a thick, puffy layer of sarcasm) last night by announcing that Darren Criss will play Andrew Cunanan. Hot Venezuelan piece Edgar Ramirez will play Versace. Ryan says that they’re talking to an Oscar-winner about playing Donatella. I’m going to guess either Charlize Theron, or Daniel Day-Lewis, who can really do it all.
As for the 7th season of American Horror Story… Ryan and company will grab their viewers by the ankles and drag ’em back to the chunky shit hellscape that was the 2016 presidential election. Although, compared to what’s happening now, I look at those innocent, sweet days fondly.